DC Also Sucks

/

So...is this part of DC's campaign to attract women to the Supergirl character?

Because...there are some problems here.

Let's take a look at that torso:

What the hell is that thing?! It's like she has the entire torso of a full-grown male wedged between her chest and her thighs.

This isn't even sexy. Her hips are grossing me out. Plus, it doesn't even look like Supergirl. It looks like they dressed a stripper in Supergirl's costume.

Well, there you go boys. Your very own teenage girl you can take home and turn upside-down so you can peek up her skirt. Easily worth $80.

This Week's Haul: Cowboys and Indians

/

I didn't get to read all my comics last night because of Grindhouse, so I'm a little late with this. I have some new additions to the weekly reviews. Most importantly, Jonah Hex, which I am now caught up on and have decided to buy monthly rather than wait for the trades because, frankly, it's pretty much my favourite comic.

This is also the week that Living Between Wednesdays reader and super-fan Mark Sable started writing Supergirl, so I checked that out.

I was hoping to be caught up on The Atom by now, but next month for sure! Same with Runaways. I'm also planning to add Blue Beetle, Birds of Prey, Green Lantern, Manhunter and Daredevil within the next month.

And there's some new Marvel junk this week. Let's get started!!

Justice League of America #7

You know, I was smiling throughout the entire three hours of Grindhouse. Then I got home and read this before bed, and damn if my face didn't get a chance to relax. This was delightful.

First of all, there's this:

Adorable! (Even cuter that he gets it framed and hangs it in the cave later).

And then there's Roy being totally great-looking in his new costume, and being all flustered and happy with being invited to join the league. And making Canary and Hal cry. And the new headquarters! With the slideways door that leads to the watchtower in space!! So rad! And the pull-out of the whole league?! That was an exciting surprise.

I really love this series. It's the little details. There are so many fun little moments like this one:

He looks at his boots!

I seriously love this line-up. It's going to be a good time.

I like Meltzer's banter. I like the things he imagines the heroes do together when they are hanging out. Like Arrow and Lantern:

All this plus a Starro story-line? Beautiful!

Midnighter #6

My boyfriend's back! And he's totally...weird. This one-shot story was set in feudal Japan. While not as fun as the rest of the Ennis run, it was certainly sexy. I actually don't have much to say about it. It was fine. Next month...Brian K Vaughan!

Superman #661

Ladies, ladies, ladies!

First of all, I just want to say that Wonder Woman's shorts looked fantastic in this comic, so nice work Eduardo Barreto! In general, I really liked the art in this book. It was cartoony and fun. This comic was mostly about women, and Superman just played a supporting role.
I really liked that Clark was magically changed into Superman in the middle of a room full of people and yet his identity remained protected because no one could remember what he looked like before he became Superman. ("Was he wearing glasses?" "No, a false mustache.")

Good-looking and fun. I liked it. Especially Lois breaking the fourth wall in the final panel.

52: Week 48

So that answers that question about where Batwoman is, one year later. Batwoman: we hardly knew ye. But you looked damn good. This issue was a lot more focussed than last week, but I have to say, the last page, being the only page not part of the Montoya/Batwoman storyline, was totally my favourite part. I guess my theory about Black Adam turning the tables on Sivana that I made last week was incorrect. He's in pretty rough shape. And Sivana saying "I finally found a way to dissolve the enamel on the Black Marvel's teeth" gets my vote for comic quote of the week. Or the year. (Think about it...he used the word "finally". That's hilarious).

Detective Comics #831

Not bad. Not bad at all. I really don't like Don Kramer's art, largely because his facial expressions are weird, but I didn't think it was too bad in this book. One thing I can say that's positive about his art is that he doesn't do cheescake. And there were a few panels in this book that were actually really nice. Like this one:

Harley is an undeniably endearing character, and Dini obviously loves writing her. It was a good little story. I really liked Harley telling Batman about meeting the Ventriloquist in Arkham and how he reached out to her. I'm a sucker for stories that humanize Bat-villains.

Superman/Batman #33

Ok, they should just change this to Superman Loves Batman and get it over with.

This ends the not-so-hot Enemies Among Us storyline. I liked this issue ok, but mainly because this really felt like it might be the one where they finally kiss. I mean...Superman taught Batman that the most powerful weapon against mind-controlling aliens is...love. Or, at least, trust. Anyway, it ends with this bit of fluffy goodness:

I am a sucker for Batman holding a cup of coffee.

And then we get a Bruce Wayne who is a changed man, Christmas Carol-style:

WHAT?! It better not! Oh Verheiden, go back to Smallville, where your sugar-coating cannot possibly make things sweeter. (I like Mark Verheiden. I'm just sayin'...)

And the last page? Well:

God that's romantic.

Do you know what would have been amazing? If Superman/Batman had, first of all, been called World's Finest, and had just been a series of one-shot stories, each time told by a different writer and artist pairing. A different set of storytellers for each issue, so everyone would have a chance to tell one story about the two biggest guns in the DC rack. Then the title would have referred to the characters and the authors/artists. Wouldn't that have been awesome?! Is it too late for that?

Supergirl #16

I said I'd read it, and I did. And...I liked it. It satisfied my nerdy love of Krypton-based stories, and it gave a really interesting and compelling backstory for Kara. It also showed us where she got her good looks, because her dad is a stone fox. See? I'm not totally against objectification.
The art is really nice, and that's refreshing. I mean, that costume is always going to suck, but the cartoon-style art makes her look a lot less gross. And the new studded belt is kinda fun and teenager-ish (it is new, isn't it?). I'll keep hoping for an issue where she matures a little and realizes that her costume is ridiculous and changes it.

The issue started with the line "You are a failure, Kara. An utter and complete failure." So right away I was enjoying myself. The book was delightfully self-aware. The theme of the whole issue was basically "Nobody likes you, let's figure out why and then do something about that." It had a great cliff-hanger ending that makes me want to read the next issue. So far so good. A definite improvement. And you know I really wanted to hate this, so this praise has weight to it.

Fallen $on: The Death of Captain America #1 featuring Wolverine


What a frigging cash-grab.

This actually featured everyone but Spider-Man, pretty much. It's written by Jeph Loeb, so it's full of totally natural dialogue like this:

Wolverine: That's how everybody and their grandmother remembers you. Bucky, Captain America's teenage sidekick back in World War Two. Kids all around the world dreamed of just meeting Cap -- and there you were in your dandy red-and-blues, fighting along-side the living legend. And we remember how you died.

Winter Soldier: I wasn't the only one people thought died that day. The world also lost Cap back then.

Wolverine: Exactly...And here you are. All alive and stuff. And after digging him out of a block of ice, Cap survived as well.

Clunk, clunk, clunk.

And Iron Man is still hanging out next to Steve Rogers' body. Boyfriend, much?

This was pretty lame. See the movies, kids! Buy the toys! I'm surprised Silver Surfer didn't glide on in for a page or two.

I was hoping I wouldn't have to bust this out again, but:

Avengers: The Initiative #1


This is me trying to care about Marvel, post-Civil War.

I actually enjoyed this comic. It was fun. Superhero bootcamp. It had some fun characters and nice art. I have nothing else really to say about it. I'll read the next issue, though.

Jonah Hex #18

Jonah has a bad day in this one. Makes some mistakes. He also kills a bear and says some really awesome things. There have been a lot of artists on this series with a lot of different styles, and they have all been excellent. This week it's provided by Val Semeiks, and he's of the school that likes to make Hex's face extra gross. I respect that.

This series is so good. It's the first thing I recommend to anyone who asks me what comics are good. You could pick up any random issue and completely enjoy it. Plus, he's such a perfect fictional character. And everyone likes cowboys.

Scalped #4

And we've come to the Indians half of this post's title.

This series is good. It's one of those comics where you kind of forget that you're reading a comic. It feels more like I'm watching a television show or a movie. Dash is just a really compelling character, and beneath all the violence and profanity and bleak imagery there is a dark, but touching, love story. It's a really well-constructed series, and I recommend checking it out while it's still young.

Review of the Forbidden Loves of Superman, By Johnathan

/

In reading tales concerning the life and times of the good ol' Man of Steel I've noticed something: Superman's love life is often pretty creepy. Now I'm not referring to the eternal distance that he maintains between himself and Lois Lane/ Lana Lang - that's just perplexing - and I'm not talking about the one time that he was willing to settle down being with a mermaid. I'm talking about how he keeps trying to make time with his relatives.

Now, I can kind of almost see the reasoning behind this tendency, from a writing standpoint. Pre-1985, Superman is ridiculously powerful - easily the strongest, most invulnerable dude in the DC Universe. For him to have anything approaching an equal relationship, power-wise, he'd pretty much have to date inside his family. This, however, does not make the concept any less creepy.

To show you precisely what i mean, here's some picture evidence.

Action Comics No. 289 is a real gem. It's given me material before and it will again. And why not? It's got a perfect Silver Age ridiculous plot:


Supergirl saw a movie about a sorrowful bachelor, which naturally gets her thinking about her cousin Kal-El - what if he never gets married? Basically, civilization as we know it would crumble. Supergirl decides to find a suitable dame for Superman, resulting in not a few hijinks - she tries Helen of Troy first, but Helen turns out to be something of a colossal wench, and so she's out. Then she tries to get him together with Saturn Woman of the grown-up Legion of Super-Heroes, but she turns out to have gotten married, so that plan is also out the window.

Finally, Supergirl confesses her worries to the big guy, which triggers possibly the most uncomfortable moment in comics history:

Sheesh! Aw, Superman... that's just, um... incredibly wrong. Look at how he's got her chin, and how close he's standing... he completely *wants* his fifteen-year old cousin. Not only that, but Supergirl can tell - check out the expression on her face - she's freaking out, probably because she remembers this incident.

So the justifiably-freaked-out Supergirl rushes off and finds somebody to take the bullet for her - her super-powered doppelganger on the planet Staryl.

Superman takes the bait, thereby making Luma Lynai Creepy Object of Desire No. 2: Someone who you're only after because they look just like an adult version of your teenaged cousin (who is Creepy Object of Desire No. 1). Despite this, they seem to get on well:




But it all ends in tears, in the good ole DC manner - Supes doesn't even think about staying on her planet (or visiting occasionally for some super-nookie, or trying to solve her problem, or anything else) , he goes home to hug Supergirl some more, and everything goes back to normal, except that the Man of Steel now creeps everyone out.

Not that he gives up, as seen in the very brief appearance of Creepy Object of Desire No. 3: Your cousin, just from another dimension.

See? He's totally folding under the mild flirtations handed out by his extra-dimensional cousin. Don't do it, man! Check the DNA!


No resistance to kryptonite, magic, or gettin' some. "Trophy room" my eye.

The No. 4 Creepy Object of Desire isn't really his fault, but it's still telling when a scene plays out like this:

A young man who has come to the future meets an attractive young lady who is wearing next to nothing...

He tries to impress her with a show of strength, they talk for a while. He's starting to feel pretty confident...

Wait for it...

And she's his descendant. Which probably messed up his libido for a while - maybe that's why he grew up to be the kind of guy who hits on fifteen-year olds that he's related to.

All in all: Bad form, Superman. Bad form.

NOT APPROVED.

This Week's Haul: New and Improved Aquaman, Super Hero Crushes and Mad Scientists

/

I've decided not to change the title of my weekly new comic reviews from "This Week's Haul" because I can't think of a better one. Also, I've already been tagging the old posts using that. But I have added a subtitle, which I think jazzes it up nicely.

The theme of this week's new comics is Getting My Money's Worth, because I certainly did.

Spider-Man Loves Mary-Jane #16

New artist on this one, and we were all a little scared of that, but...

...he did good. David Hahn totally won me over with his drawings of Firestar:

Realism! That's how a tight costume would look on a young girl! You rule, David!

I love this comic sooooo much. Mary-Jane is with Harry, and Spider-Man is hanging out with Firestar, and Peter Parker is getting the cold shoulder from Gwen and Mary-Jane...oh the teen drama!

The Spirit #4

I have been waiting a long time to see this awesome cover somewhere other than the internet. Soooo nice.

I can't even think coherently about this series because I love it so much. It just keeps getting better and better, which is insane because the first issue was perfect.

One coherent thought: I love that the narration was Satin's, and that she repeatedly noted the dreaminess of The Spirit. But her narration was so tough that it lead you believe it was actually The Spirit talking for the whole first page.

Man this comic is fun. And Dave Stewart really works his magic on this one, with awesome washed-out colouring in the desert.

If you're not reading this series, you're just crazy.

The Brave and the Bold #2

Everybody earns their money with this issue. George Perez crams an unbelievable amount of art on every page. It's not just the cover. I believe that man could draw the entire DCU onto a grain of rice if he needed to. Bob Wacek had a whole lotta inking to do on this. Mark Waid has to put words in the mouths of two of DC's most famous self-involved chatterboxes, and he succeeds with witty banter and fun quips throughout. There is a hell of a lot of colour in this book , so kudos to Tom Smith, and my wrist hurt just looking at all the lettering that needed to be done. Well done, Rob Leigh!

Green Lantern and Supergirl. As it turns out, not a bad combo at all. Kara keeps flirting with Hal, Hal keeps reminding himself that Kara is 17. And that's gross, but also funny because it's Hal. Please go for it, Hal, just so I can watch Superman clean the floor with you.

Supergirl looked better than usual in this book. That's what you get when Perez is drawing, I guess. I will always hate that costume, but this was the best I'd seen it look.

Next on deck: Batman and Blue Beetle. We got a taste in this issue, but I really can't wait for more.

Detective Comics #830

Last we left our heroes, Batman was wearing an ill-fitting suit, Robin was sticky, and a terrorist was going to blow up Wayne Tower. Stuart Moore has been filling-in for Paul Dini for these two issues, and he did a decent job. This issue had some exciting moments. Bruce talking Tim through the removal of the blasting cap that was stuck in the plastic explosives covering Tim's body. The cap could be detonated at any moment, but they were both totally cool under the pressure. I like how the story has them only able to communicate though radio even though they are in the same building. It' s a tense little story. Good stuff.

I think I do like Andy Clarke's art. I was trying to decide on the last issue. It's very clean, but there's nice detail where detail needs to be. And this page is really nice:

Justice Society of America #4

What's this? A cover with a sense of humour from Alex Ross? Delicious!

I'll be interested to know why exactly Wildcat has a son who can actually turn into a wildcat. I am sure that he is interested himself. Until then, I'm just going to assume there's a good explanation and enjoy Ted bonding with his son.

This was another good issue. Another giant fight against Nazis. This series has been great at balancing the old characters and the new in a way that makes me care about all of them.

I'd like to give special attention to Dale Eaglesham's version of Powergirl. For Powergirl, she is downright presentable.

I mean, I've accepted that Powergirl is never going to be sensibly dressed, but that is a relatively small boob window she's sporting in this series. I also really like her very cute haircut and her loose-fitting, diagonal belt. I'd like to see her in some pants. I think pants suit her more, and kind of balance out the boob window, but I guess she's not supposed to be toned down.

Anyway, she certainly looks better when drawn by Eaglesham than by, oh, say...Michael Turner:
Oy.

52: Week 46


Revenge of the nerds!!! Black Adam heads to Oolong Island to hunt down the team of mad scientists who are responsible for killing his family. The result? Black Adam gets served!
First of all, let's acknowldge, because it's easy to forget, how awesome it is that, in 52, we got to see DC's mad scientist all-stars piled together on an island building doomsday devices.

And then we get to see them beat up on a superhero/villain/misunderstood strong guy:

Grand! Well done, Morrison!

Then we get some sort of closure (I assume...I hope...) to the whole Luthor/Steel fiasco, with help from Clark "I wish I could fly" Kent. And, in other news, Atom Smasher wants to help.

Also, there is an origin story for this fellow named Batman, who sounds like quite the hero indeed! I must look into this brave young man and his essential story lines.

Aquaman: Sword of Atlantis #50

So, I didn't read much of the Busiek run on Aquaman, but I am familiar with what was going on. This was a nice big comic. It cost over a dollar more than usual, but I definitely felt I got my money's worth. It's a really fun read, and I would say a good place to start reading Aquaman if you're at all interested. I don't know much about Tad Williams , the new writer, because I don't read many fantasy comics, but the writing was great and I think Aquaman, being set under the sea and all, lends itself well to fantasy-style storytelling. There is no end to the creatures you can invent, or the landscapes.

I like the introduction of Topo:

He's not your grandmother's octopus friend! He's a whole new breed of octo-pal!

Alright, Aquaman. You've got my attention. I'm looking forward to the next issue.

An Open Letter in Response to DC Nation #45

/

Dear Eddie Berganza:

Where do I even start?

No. I will not give Supergirl a shot. I already gave her a shot, and I am still trying to get over the nausea.

You want to make her a "normal teenager"? Then cover her the fuck up. Go check out a comic called Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane. Those are teenagers. Supergirl looks like an anorexic blow-up doll with a torso that's longer than her legs (which are also very long) and eyes that are bigger than her waist.

Y'know, you could almost convince me to give her a shot with the promise that you are re-inventing her, except for the part where you said "the incomparable Michael Turner." Incomparable? Incomparably shitty, maybe. After all, didn't his art inspire my favourite action figure?


The amazing Elongated Super-Girl! Now with bed-head and stripper eyes! Crotch that's lower than her skirt? You bet! (Jesus...just how long is her torso anyway? Seriously!)

Also, wow. You invited one real live woman to your conference call to discuss the future of the character. And she "was pivitol in giving us a woman's point of view on the character." Her suggestion: Kara needs to gain some weight. Well, agreed, but she needs a lot more than that. Let's have a look:


Well, let's just consider ourselves lucky that she has no real crotch area and that her legs go right into her stomach (or lack of). Because otherwise Nightwing would be unable to concentrate. (Alternate joke: It's so rare that you get to see Dick and snatch on the same cover).
The cape is nice. The sleeves are nice. I like the pointy cuffs. But that shirt has to come down a few inches. Or all the way to the waist. Or the skirt needs to be more than a curtain tie. The porn face is also a problem.

But enough about my problems with Supergirl, Eddie. Let's talk about my problems with you.

Shut up, Eddie. I'm not reading Supergirl for the same reason I don't read the new Flash comics, Batman Confidential, or the Martian Manhunter series: they suck ass. I don't care that this comic is MADE for ladies so therefore I SHOULD like it. I don't. It doesn't interest me and I am busy spending money on and reading the comics that you actually bother to put good writers and artists on. Because, and maybe I shouldn't speak for all women here because I don't know, I think that we appreciate...quality. You know, good stories, good art, good characters, and costumes that don't make you throw up in your mouth.

You know what I would like? I would like you to invite the "ladies" to come out and give The Brave and the Bold a shot. Because that's what I'm really looking forward to. Or The Spirit. Or Jonah Hex. Or The Justice Society. You know. Good comics.

Maybe you could just slap some pink covers on them so girls can understand them. Or make them out of chocolate. It doesn't really matter because we just use them to blow our noses on when watching The Notebook anyway.

You horrible douchebag.

Truly,
Rachelle