Gigantic Fun with the Super Sons!

Woah, what's going on here?

Man, that sounds great! Let's have a look inside!

Jive talking?! Tandem motorcycling?! It can only be the Super Sons! Let's see what those crazy cats get up to this time.

Y'know, sometimes a hero will say 'clown' and mean it to be a derogatory description for a crook. But sometimes he actually means 'clown.'

So why were those clowns slapping you around, doll?

Once again I find myself momentarily forgetting that these are the sons of Superman and Batman, and not Superman and Batman proper. Because that would be really funny. As it is, I just hate these guys.

"So, I see you were getting assaulted there. That must have really shaken you up. How about a kiss?"

Ok, so Superman and Batman jrs volunteer to fill in for the two thugs in Dora's play...or whatever. So off they go to a maximum security prison in the Mystery Machine.

Man, Superman's son gives me the jeeblies.

And speaking of the jeeblies, wait until you see this play:

I guess prisoners accept anything as entertainment.

Things get crazy after this. Dora turns out to be Lex Luthor's daughter, Ardora, born on Lexor while Lex was off the planet. Everybody is surprised by this information, and next thing we know Supes and Bats jrs are chasing Luthor and daughter into space after Dora springs her dad out of prison and brings him back to Lexor. Supes is heartbroken, and continues to harbour a crush on Dora.

Then Superman Jr comes down with a lightning-fast case of Gigantism, which ends when he gets bitten by a giant lizard. Cause, y'know. There was only one page left to wrap everything up on.

Batman's quote there is almost a haiku. A crazy, crazy haiku.

Ok, I think my favourite thing about this whole comic is the final panel. Ardora decides she was wrong to hurt the Super Sons, and that her father does deserve to face justice for his crimes on Earth. So she forces him onto a spaceship with our heroes at gunpoint. Now that you're up-to-date, here's the final panel:

Luthor smiling and waving kills me. He's in good spirits for a man who just had a gun pointed at his back by his own daughter. "Bye-bye! See you when I get out of prison! Oh, Superman and Batman jrs, this will be a fun roadtrip back to Earth! I brought granola bars and Justin Timberlake!"

Please, everyone buy a copy of the Saga of the Super-Sons trade that DC is releasing in December. Because we all need to have 256 collected pages of these guys. If you don't love this delicious Haney goodness, then you don't love life.

AAAAAHHH!! LOOK OUT, WALLY!!!

It's Dr Light!!!

For the love of God, get out of that position!!!

Did Dr Light Just Say What I Think He Said?

Yes. Yes he did.

Ann = Awesome

Sometimes you find an old comic that you want, but the kid who used to own it wrote on the cover, and it kind of sucks.

But sometimes it's kind of awesome.

Let's Rap!

In 1970, DC got its two squarest heroes to convince kids to fill out a survey.

"Let's Rap!" says Superman, fooling no one.

You can jive talk all you want, Supes. It only makes you look older.

We dig, Superman.

"Groovy?" Take another hit, you hippy!

Anyway, let's see what "groovy" things kids can choose from.

Wait, I'm sorry. What was that?

Yup, wedged right in there between Pollution and Space Flights.

Also of note on that list, Sports - which one (with nowhere to write which one) and Astrology. Not astronomy. Astrology. I would like to read a comic that involves everything on that list. Black astrologists who fly into space to solve city and national problems like pollution. Also, they play sports and fall in love. And have hobbies. (Hobbies is so vague. I love it).

It's worth reading the rest of that survey too.

Rating the Super Hunks #6: Magnus, Robot Fighter

There's been a lot of talk about sexism in comics this week. Let's take an ironic break from that and rate another superhunk.

This week's challenger:

Magnus, Robot Fighter

Another day in the office.

Costume/Appearance:

It takes a real man to fight robots while wearing nothing but a very short shift dress and white go-go boots. I consider Magnus to be the great equalizer when it comes to comic book cheesecakery. There are so many ridiculous, impractical female superhero costumes out there, and yet this guy might have one of the silliest. And most blatantly sexual.

It is head.

It's a very short skirt. And this comic offers consistent upskirt shots, something that is seldom seen in a male superhero comic. The truth is, Magnus should look ridiculous, but he doesn't. He's got a fantastic body, and he shows it off. Plus, he's got really nice features. Great hair, steely blue eyes, powerful eyebrows. He's an attractive guy.

Smoldering.

Plus, I really like that belt with the big "M" on it.

Oh, and sometimes his costume gets ripped so it's even skimpier.

He is a few threads away from his most embarassing moment

10/10

Alter-Ego:

Doesn't really have one. He's actually a pretty famous dude in the year 4000. A hero of the people. This is usually the section where I talk about a hero's personality, though, so I'll do that.

This is possibly a dance routine and not a fight.

Despite appearances, Magnus is a pretty macho guy. I mean, he spends most of his time fighting robots. And sexing his lady-friend, Leeja.

Leeja is trying not to look.

He seems like a nice guy, but can be kind of whiny. He's always saying he doesn't want to do one thing or another. He's conflicted about fighting robots sometimes, and he can be a little emo about his robot up-bringing. But generally, he's all man.

Magnus doesn't ask twice.

8/10

"I just BOUGHT this tunic!"

Day job:

He fights robots.

10/10

So he DOES wear underwear.

That robot was a jerk. Trust me.

Sexiness of Powers:

Magnus has superhuman strength which allows him to destroy robots with his bare hands. That's pretty much it, but that ain't bad.

9/10

She's holding onto his ass for dear life.

Cons:

After issue #25 of the Valiant series, Magnus started wearing lame-looking armor when he fought robots. Booooo. I'm taking off a couple points for that decision.

- 2

Final Score: 35/40

From the exciting "Jetpack to Grandma!" issue!

I heart Magnus. His comics are like the Harlequin romance novels of comics. He puts on a little dress, fights some robots, flexes his muscles, maybe takes his top off, maybe makes out with someone, and you're done. Very easy to follow, and very easy on the eyes.

Things that make you say "nnnngg."