The Supergirl From Krypton Meets Her Asshole Cousin!

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I think the logical starting point for Supergirl Week is with her first appearance in Action Comics #252. I think Superman's initial treatment of Supergirl is one of the greatest (fictional) injustices of all time. Let's have a look:

Superman is just about to smash the missile to bits until he realizes that there's a person inside:

Ok, Superman in that third panel? Amazing. He goes from being totally shocked in the previous panel to being completely calm and thoughtful. And skeptical.

"I'm from Krypton!"
"Nope."

Man, Supergirl is just so cute in that last panel. Seriously. And I love Superman's off-panel babbling.

Supergirl cheerfully proceeds to tell the tragic tale of her family's short-lived escape from Krypton. And when she's done, Superman is shocked to learn something else:

How quickly he pulls his hand away.

So this is pretty great, right? Superman, who has been alone on this Earth for so long with no family and believing he is the last of his race learns he has a cousin! And she's here!

Yay! This will be perfect! She can live with Superman and they can bond and he'll help her adjust to life on Earth after the tragic and sudden loss of her family and equally-traumatizing solitary voyage through space!

Right?

"Yeaaaahhhhh...about that...see, I have a really small apartment, and y'know...I'm pretty busy. I can't really take care of a kid right now...I've got a lot on my plate...and the place is a mess, really..."

But don't worry! Superman has a "great idea" for her life on Earth! It's not like he's a douche or anything...

WHAT?! That is not a "great idea," Superman. That is actually the worst idea.

SERIOUSLY?! An ORPHANAGE?! After all she's been through?! What do you credit your heroism to, Superman? I'll tell you: your loving parents who adopted you when you crashed to Earth. So why do you think this is ok?

Superman gets some clothes to make his cousin less hot. He feels much better now.

Hey, you know what a good Earth girl name is? Kara.

Let's see what name she picks:

DC doesn't think much of its readers. They remind us that Linda Lee is Supergirl in the very next panel.

I also want to comment on Superman's story: wouldn't the guy at the orphanage want more information about that "big disaster that wiped out her whole community"? Wouldn't something like that have made the news?

Poor, poor Supergirl. She probably thinks this is how it goes on Earth. "Sure thing, Superman. Even though I am just as powerful as you, I will live in this godforsaken orphanage and remain unseen until you need me. Just let me know! I'll be right here...wearing this wig...alone..."

Her first Super Job? Cleaning her room!!!

Man that sucks.

No, Supergirl. No. You can't use your x-ray vision for spying on other kids. Also: you are disobeying Superman, actually, and I approve.

Proud of your cousin, eh? Maybe you should read some Superboy comics. He isn't the greatest friend in the world. You should talk to a guy named Mon-El.

Oh, Supergirl. Just you wait! I got two words for you: Flying Cat!

Supergirl is (finally) awesome!

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I feel bad that I didn't get a chance to post any reviews this week. Mostly because this week saw the release of Supergirl #34, which was the debut issue for the new creative team.

Sterling Gates takes on the writing, and Jamal Igle provides the art. I had very high hopes for this issue, and I was not disappointed.

Since the latest Supergirl title began, it has been struggling to say the least. The problem really starts with Jeph Loeb's hasty introduction of the new version of the character in Superman/Batman. She appeared in one storyline in that title, where her character basically had two defining traits:

1. Hot
2. Angry

I'm not going to waste precious blogspace recounting that story, but let me say for the record that it is pretty much my least favourite storyline in any comic ever.

So you may recall a somewhat desperate plea made by DC in January, 2007 in the form of a DC Nation column asking female readers to please, please, pretty please read Supergirl. And you may recall that it upset me. (Unfortunately, the original column is no longer available online).

I haven't read that post in a really long time. Man, I was really angry! Oh to be 26 again. So young and full of ideals.

Anyway, the jist of the post is that I would not ever read an issue of Supergirl because it's a bad comic and I don't care about the character because she sucks and she's just some gross male fantasy character with no personality.

I was speaking entirely of the current version of Supergirl only, not the one who gave her life for us during the first Crisis.

THE POINT is that I never, ever thought I would take an interest in the current Supergirl because I was certain that DC would never write her in a way that would make me happy.

Skip ahead to the present, and I have had Supergirl on my pull list for the past several months. I've been buying it for at least a year. While it is true that there was a definite attempt made by DC to improve the comic and the character, and her comics have been getting increasingly better, I wouldn't say that the mission had been accomplished until this week.

As of this week, Supergirl is not only being written by someone who has the skills to really flesh out a complicated character, she also has a book and a storyline that will be closely linked to both Action Comics and Superman. Her book and her character both truly matter now, and what's more important: Supergirl herself matters.

And she's no longer just Supergirl. She has FINALLY gotten around to adopting an alterego, which means we'll be able to see her develop more as a person. One of my biggest complaints about Supergirl is that she arrives on Earth as a young adult and immediately becomes a full-time superhero. The fact that she vividly remembers Krypton and her family there, or that she is struggling to adjust to life on Earth, is not addressed nearly enough. Except when we're told that her father actually sent her to Earth to kill Superman. Which I hate.

I see Supergirl as a Buffy-esque character. She lived most of her life without superpowers, then suddenly gained them and is immediately expected to know how to use them. She struggles to make friends and she always feels like an outside or a failure. She has to make important decisions, but isn't quite sure enough of herself yet to make them without someone else's approval. And she also doesn't quite understand her limitations. She doesn't understand why she can't fix everything, as we saw in the latest storyline that had her desperately trying to cure a boy's cancer.

In the past year, Supergirl has gone from being my least favourite character in the DCU, to being one of my very favourite. And I have high hopes that the Supergirl comic will become one of my favourite books as well.

I just want to share a few panels from the new issue. The set-up is that Cat Grant has written a trashy negative article about Supergirl and now the public have an even lower opinion of our hero:


Oh man. Poor Supergirl. She was so pleased with herself and then some jerk threw a soda in her face.

It's a good thing Superman shows up with some coffee and some kind words:

Awwww...I wish Superman would bring me coffee.

All these positive Supergirl vibes have inspired me to launch a theme week here at Living Between Wednesdays. From now until next Monday (Canadian Thanksgiving!) it will be...

And I encourage other bloggers to post Supergirl-themed posts as well! Supergirl Week is a celebration for all!

In summary, Supergirl #34 is awesome and I encourage you all to pick it up. Especially if you are enjoying Geoff Johns' run on Action Comics (and if you aren't then I cannot be friends with you).

High-Tech Tomorrow: Review of the Concentrator, Part 3, By Johnathan

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Wa-ha-ha! I didn't forget about this, nope nope. Wasn't it cute back when I thought I'd get around to doing it all over the Labour Day weekend? Oh, One-Month-Younger John. Such an innocent. 
Oh! This seems to be the appropriate place to report that I picked up Jimmy Olsen No. 72, "The World of Doomed Olsens" last week. In terms of Legion chronology, this is probably as close to owning Adventure Comics No. 247 as I'm ever going to get, so I'm savouring it for all it's worth.
On to the merriment and interrogation!
We open with Saturn Girl, who as you may recall (strain those memories, folks, it was a while ago) had Superboy pretty worried, due to the fact that she had a whole 'nother way to screw up and give away the Legion's secrets... with her mind!

Okay, okay. I guess that the thought-sensing headband validates some of Superboy's kind-of-chauvinistic-seeming fears (though I don't quite see why the Commish didn't just slap that thing on and question Ultra Boy, say. He'd just have to wait for nature to take its course). 
But, surprisingly, Saturn Girl is ready for this particular tactic, and so starts thinking about the fantastic feats of the Legion to keep the oh-so-tantalizing secret of the Concentrator to herself.
(note: the Commissioner has placed Saturn Girl under a Joan Crawford beam)
Let's watch:
Not a bad trick (and look! My favourite gloves!) but I'm tormented by thoughts of where exactly he got that giant net. If this were a Batman comic of the same era I'd guess that it was from a billboard or something - maybe this particular distant world caters to off-planet fishing enthusiasts?
Also, that looks like a really awkward way to stand, particularly whilst straddling a city.
By Jove, is that G'nort?

So is Invisible Kid juggling too, or is he just moving a couple of extra balls in circles in the air? Either way, I guess that it would be a pretty good show, especially if he was trying to make the leap from 'busker' to 'soothsayer' - it's possible that someone flubbed the briefing on that mission, as far as explaining the fact that there are a few different kinds of magician out there.
Note the brilliant, Batman-esque use of disguise, as Element Lad puts on a suit coat over his uniform.
I would bet a hundred dollars that this "feat" was just a ploy to keep these two lunkheads out of trouble. I dare someone to claim that the Legion doesn't have a closet packed full of Meteor Simulation Guns or cages full of Andorran Fireball Hornets or something like that, for just such an occasion. 
The bit with Matter-Eater Lad and the Giant Mouth Creature happens here too, by the way.
Again: Superboy is proven to be a big tool.
Okay, Mon-El! Step up to the torture-plate!
I like Mon-El, but this sort of thing is why I don't think we could be close friends. 
"Hey Mon-El, could you turn up the heat? It's freezing in here!"
"Whoops, sorry. I'm invulnerable to everything - I didn't notice the cold."
"Mon-El, man, your couch is really uncomfortable. I think that every single spring is poking through."
"Damn, John, I'm sorry. When you're invulnerable to everything, so is your ass."
"Ag! Watch your cigarette, Mon-El! You almost set my shirt on fire!"
"Yeah, that happens a lot when you're invulnerable to everything. Shirt-fires are just another part of your day."
Speaking of friends:
I'm guessing that either Planet Zirr is some sort of haven for particularly dull-witted aliens or that Garl and Englen are super high in this panel, because they are way too happy about the situation that they are in. "Mon-El! Word up, brah! I see you're hangin' out in some poison gas - still enjoying being invulnerable to everything, huh? Man, Garl and me, we were just talking about you yesterday, just before we got kidnapped by this orange guy here, and now here you are, in some orange gas! It's like, kismet or something!"
Actually, maybe only Englen is high. Garl looks more scornful than anything else, like he's been kidnapped and used as a pawn to try to get his invulnerable friends to spill the beans about super-weapons dozens of times and they've all been more impressive than this.
I'm choosing to ignore the fact that the Legion has the technology necessary to take photos of the past and am instead picturing Superboy doing a brief photo-essay on his dying friend before sticking him in the Phantom Zone. 
That's just terrible, Superboy.
Good lord! this picture is worse than that one of Shrinking Violet! Mon-El looks like he just saw his puppy get run over by a clone of his puppy, who then got sent to prison, leaving him puppyless. He looks real upset, man.
The fact that he didn't point out their abnormal happiness is proof of everything I said up there. I feel so validated!
Last one for today. Phantom Girl!:
Given the emotional state of most Legionnaires (about as prone to melodrama as any three Dawson's Creek characters, combined), this is a pretty good tactic. Those kids'll turn on each other more readily than they'll make out at the behest of the big computer. It's worse than turning your back on a rooster, I swear.
Et tu, Saturn Girl? 
On the strange note of Superboy being the level-headed voice of trust and solidarity, I leave you. No promises, but I'll try to wrap this interminable review up soon (projected completion date: June 2012).

Thunder = Stolen

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Further proof has emerged that Chris Sims and I are actually twins separated at birth (he is sent to temperate South Carolina while I am left to suffer the harsh tundra of Canada). For the past couple of weeks, my pal Dave Howlett and I have been collaborating on some Marvel variant covers (and by collaborate, I mean he draws them and I do nothing).

The aim here is to poke fun at the seemingly endless variant cover themes Marvel comes up with (Zombies!...Skrulls!...Apes!). These are our ideas for what might come next.

Meanwhile, over at the ISB, Chris has posted this. How did we have the same thought in the same week?! Damn you, Sims!

Anyway, here's what Dave and I came up with.

Lois Lane: Girl Chef

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If there is one thing I love as much as comic books, it's food. Logically, I then also love this classic story from Lois Lane #1.

It begins when Lois overhears some sound advice on how to get a man to propose to you. Naturally, this interests her due to her unhealthy obsession with Superman. Check out the Daily Planet's love advice columnist:

You know that dude is getting it regular.

So Lois is thinking about making Superman a home-cooked meal. But then she's like "But why stop there when I can do something totally insane?!"

Perry White is so drunk in that panel.

Right, so Lois gets a job as a chef, and also gets a week off her job as a reporter (besides that gripping article she's expected to turn in about her life as a short-order cook).

The bait is set...let's see if Superman bites...

"Doo-de-doo...flying around and...WHA?! Steak?! Whoosh!"

Oh, Lois. That is not how you cook a steak. Salamander ovens are for nachos and other things that need melting. You are being crazy.

So everything seems to be coming up Lois, until...

Oh no! Superman's heat vision has ruined what would have been a perfectly mediocre steak!

So I guess Lois is putting in 12-hour days at the diner.

Oh how I wish there was a pancake that made you a Man of Steel rather than a Man of Tummy Aches.

So Lois's false promises about the pancakes draw in a pretty big crowd. So big that she can't handle it and has to take on an adorable sous chef:

Superman works hard. So hard, in fact, that when he is done there is no pancake batter left for him!
Lois once again resorts to false advertising, and then goes about making a big-ass sundae. Which, I'm just going to say this, has really nothing to do with cooking.

Giant sundae...seems foolproof right? WRONG! Look at how horribly and absurdly wrong this goes:
Ok, before I even get into Superman's crazy plan to stop an icicle from falling, let's talk about those ice cream flavours: Red, Yellow and Blueberry. Red and Yellow are not flavours.

And Superman...it just seems like you easily could have flown there and caught that icicle in the time it took you to warm up that plate using superfriction, and throw it across the city. That implies that objects you throw move faster than you can, and I just don't buy that.

Also, your solution just means that all of those people are going to get wet.

Superman has a complicated solution to every problem:

Clark Kent shows up at the diner the next day, but Lois is unimpressed. Jimmy has to stand while he eats:
Ok, are you ready for the reason why Superman needs to return to the diner? It isn't because he wants Lois to see him enjoying her food. That would be far too kind. It's because of this:

WHAT?! Wouldn't Clark Kent's fingerprints be on lots of things that Lois has access too? Like, things around the office? So here's Superman's crazy solution to a simple problem:

Would she notice, Superman? Would she? What about super speed? Can't you fly to the moon and back without people noticing?

This story does have a pretty adorable ending though:

Superman's little wink at the reader "I said 'I love you' because she helped a man in the hospital, not because I actually love her. That would be gross!"