Archie Sunday: Veronica tries to do something nice

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In this week's Archie Sunday installment, from Veronica #143 (October, 2000) Jughead feigns heterosexuality to thwart Veronica's attempts to do the first authentically nice thing she's ever done in her life.

It starts when Veronica, a lonely only child hidden under a bitchy exterior of wealth and vanity, feels left out when Betty arrives at the beach with her sister.

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As an aside, I like how in the Archie universe the siblings of the main characters can age, but not the core characters themselves.

Veronica finds someone she can talk to on the beach: Jughead's kid sister, Jellybean.

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Jughead is pretty uninterested in the whole thing. He chooses a picnic basket over his sister:

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After Veronica selflessly plays frisbee with the kid for, oh let's say hours, Jellybean sets a playdate with her new friend:

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 That diabolical bitch!

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Well of course you do, Jughead. You're a giant douchebag.

Things start to take a wrong turn, I guess, when Veronica starts playing with Jellybean into the wee hours of dinnertime:

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"Enough is enough!" says the Jones family, oddly.

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Which bad habits is Jellybean picking up? Selflessly sharing your time with children? Accessorizing? Anyway, Jughead has a crazy plan:

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You are a weird and terrible guy, Jughead. But, hey, at least you've crushed your little sister's happiness.

Archie Sunday: Saturday In the Park

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This week's Archie Sunday comic starts with a little post-modern breaking of the fourth wall:

Alright, Archie. I'll bite. Why are you in the fountain?

Like all good things, this series of events was set in motion by Riverdale's most eligable bachelor, Dilton Doiley.

As an aside, I can't decide if I like Archie's short-sleeve turtleneck and flat-front khakis, or Dilton's urban trench and pinstripes better. Anyway, here's your plot set-up:

I like that Dilton uses the term 'bob.' I do not like that Archie is being a douche. Dilton gives him the tickets, but not without laying some voodoo on Archie:

The Infamous Dilton Curse!!! Man I love that little guy.

Archie rushes to Veronica's place with his fancy tickets. He shows her his most impressive sexual predator face:

Unfortunately for Archie, this romantic evening is about to get crowded:

Archie and Veronica arrive at the concert (which is also a wacky costume party, apparently) and Archie gets the bad news that tonight is the night when two become six:

It seems that Veronica is friends with members of the rock group Chicago.

Just as I always suspected, the members of Chicago are disgusting pervs.

Archie is not having any of this, but Veronica seems to be into the idea of the evening leading to a sexy situation involving herself, Archie, and Chicago. And what Veronica wants, Veronica gets. Minus Archie.

Oh stuff it, Archie. It's not Dilton's fault you are dating a nasty freak.

Archie Sunday: Betty of Suburbia

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Whoa, a totally punk Betty comic! The Green Day concert in Riverdale was canceled, so she's protesting by throwing a Molotov cocktail at the Starbucks!

Sure, Green Day is a bit of a dated reference, but Archie comics are always about ten years behind in their pop culture references.

No wait. Hold on. Let's do a little CSI zoom in.

Sigh. Oh, Betty. You've really given up and just accepted that you're a total square.

As you can probably guess, she basically spends the whole story recycling.