The Discombobulated John Buys Comics

Thanks to Memorial Day down South and having to work late a couple of nights, I didn't actually get my comics until Saturday this week. I wouldn't even do this post, actually, except for the fact that there are a couple extraordinarily good things that I want to shout out to.

First, the rundown of the regular stuff:

Batman in Barcelona: Dragon's Knight (One-Shot) - This is a good solid standard Bruce Wayne Batman story, which would be much more unremarkable even two years ago but is almost a rarity now. Batman vs Killer Crock in Barcelona is a good time, it turns out. Bonus: someone being disappointed in Bruce Wayne for not making anything of his life.

Gotham Gazette: Batman Alive? (Also a One-Shot) - This was fun. There were an assortment of art teams and a lot of shots of ladies' heineys, which I can't quite bring myself to complain about, sensitive New Age leanings or not. Leslie Thompkins rehabilitating the Cavalier and Vicki Vale becoming a bit less of a poor man's Lois Lane (in that she's finally becoming a bit more interesting) are the high points.

Final Crisis Aftermath: Ink No. 1 of  6 - Not bad, but definitely the weakest of the four Aftermath first issues. The theme of this one seems to be "super-villain going straight and the challenges thereof", which has  been done quite well at various points in tthe past (Astro City: The Tarnished Angel, I'm looking at you), so Ink's going to have to work at things to keep my attention. Bestt part: the Tattooed Man getting mad and unleashing the scorpion that's inked on the back of his head. It rides him likee a creepy hat!

Green Lantern No. 41 - Still good. More info on Larfleeze and some interesting art experimentation for this title. Does anyone else want the Orange Lantern shirt that's on sale now to an ironic amount?

The Last Days of Animal Man No. 1 of 6 - Animal Man losing his powers an indeterminate amount of time in the future while fighting a late-Nineties reject named Bloodrage. It's okay, but I was hoping for another origin story for A-Man so I could bitch about how many of those there have been. The biggest question that I had after reading this was from the cover and was "What kind of useful power could Animal Man get from a giraffe?"

Muppet Robin Hood No. 1 of 4 - Eh, this is okay. Not as good as the Muppet Show comic that BOOM! Studios is also putting out. My girlfriend made me read this to her with funny voices, so I can vouch for its suitability for that, if you have kids.

Rapture No. 1 of 6 - Earth has been devastated by a big ol' super-hero battle and is now devastated and hero-less. Into this mess drop two young star-crossed lovers, one of whom is the appointed savior of mankind. Not bad so far - I'll be checking out No. 2.

Superman No. 688 - Oh, Mon-El. Why can't you swim? As good as ever. Features the return of the two philosophy-spouting guards that endlessly stand outside the door where Tellus is kept.

And now, the feature reviews:

Jan's Atomic Heart

Jeepers Christmas! This is great! Set in "the far-ish future", Jan's Atomic Heart features the trails and tribulations of a man named Jan who has been in a terrible car accident and must wear a loaner body while his regular one is in the hospital being repaired. Things get freaky weird, though. I don't want to spoil it - even the back cover blurb is too much.

The art is black and white and super nice. It shares that sort of weird expressiveness that Guy Davis' work has. The Frankfurt of the future is extremely well-realized - lots of multi-lingual signs and advertisements for products that will likely be of interest someday and robot-headed pedestrians. Likewise, the future society and its problems ring true.

Plus, Simon Roy, the guy responsible for all of this, is a 19 or 20-year-old student living in my old stomping grounds of Victoria BC. Cripes - if he keeps up the comics-work he could be turning out masterpieces some day. If it weren't for the unfair competition of the next comic, this would be the best thing that I read this week.

Cursed Pirate Girl No. 1 of 3

Dang it, I can't find the cover to this thing. Trust me, it looks great, and is printed on unbleached cardstock, which is neato.

Jeremy Bastian, how did you make something this good? It's... it's so good! It warmed my jaded heart!

First off, the art is amazing. It's like people never stopped making those 18th and 19th century-style political cartoons, with all of the intricate linework and the teardrop-shaped speech baloons and eccentrically-shaped heads, and they evolved into comic book form. There's a pretty astonishing menagerie of weirdo characters, with the titular Cursed Pirate Girl standing out like a beacon in the centre of it all by virtue of her (comparative) normalcy. It's by turns delightful and extraordinarily delightful. I heartily encourage you to check this one out.

Good Comic, Bad Movie: From Hell

I'm kicking off a new regular feature here at Living Between Wendnesdays, where we watch and review the painful adaptations of your favourite comics. Sometimes it might be more like, Good Comic, Pretty Good Movie (Ghost World), or Terrible Comic, Awesome Movie (The Spirit...kidding!).

I'm starting with an Alan Moore book, since those are the smoothest and most faithful comic adaptations there are...NOT! (Yup, I'm bringing that back.) It's old news that Moore hates all the film adaptations of his books and they are the most whined about, refuted, debated and delayed comic movies around.

I actually think From Hell might be a pretty tolerable film on its own, but having just read the comic for the first time, I wanted to punch this movie in the nuts while wearing giant silver rings on every finger.

Like most adaptations, From Hell is just skimming the surface. Johnny Depp stars as vision-having, opium-smoking Inspector Abberline, who is a sort of mish-mash of the comic's Inspector Abberline and the psychic Robert Less. Heather Graham is Mary Kelly, the only prostitute in Victorian London who looks like she just spent a week at a spa.

An adaptation that's skimming the surface is fine for say, Twilight, but Moore and Eddie Campbell's comic is amazingly complex. From Hell itself is a historiography—not just a history or historical fiction—but a story about how we understand history and fiction, how the lines between what's true and what's made up are constantly blurred. From Hell the comic is about the culmination of  everything wrong with Victorian culture, and about the sickness within the whole Western world. From Hell the movie is about Jack the Ripper cutting up ladies and Abberline solving the case.

The film is basically a cop drama set in the 19th century. There's even a carriage chase at the end, and Abberline is kicked off the police force because of his crazy obsession with the case. He doesn't turn in his badge and truncheon, but close enough.

It just seems silly to turn the whole thing into a mystery, when in the comic, we know that *spoiler alert!* William Gull is the murderer from very early on. In the newest edition, dude is on the cover! He's almost the protagonist, or the anti-hero at least, and the story at times serves as a character study of man going totally bananas.

 

The otherworldly elements that pepper the book are almost entirely left out. You get none of Gull's spooky metaphysical time-traveling or his hallucinations brought on by his stroke. The whole is-it-magic-or-is-he-insane or is-there-really-a-difference thing doesn't come across. The only supernatural element still there is that Johnny Depp's Abberline is psychic, which actually doesn't serve much of a purpose, except that we get to see Johnny Depp tripping out in a bathtub a lot.

The art direction in this movie is definitely lacking. You can tell they tried, they really tried, oh so hard!

Moore and Campbell's book gave you the feeling of what a gross, awful place Victorian London was, what with the lack of hygiene, rampant alcoholism, unlivable slums, no social systems to support people, etc. The women who were having sex in alley ways, making just enough to survive, really were already in hell.

The film, however, looked like a stage play. I kept expecting Abberline to break into a dance number on the street and sing, "I'll find the Ripper if it kills me! The Ripper's day has come! I'll use my psychic powers! Now where's the opiuuuummmmm!"

The biggest thing that broke the illusion was defintely Heather Graham, with her perfectly sculpted eyebrows, her gleaming white teeth and her perfect skin. Her characters is super whitewashed and totally hotted up. We never, ever see her having awful sex with scary, plague-ridden dudes. She only has hot make-out sessions with Johnny Depp. While the book's Mary Kelly is an alcoholic who is trying to survive when she knows she's on a serial killer's to do list, Heather Graham is basically just a one-dimensional love interest. At best, Mary Kelly is Abberline's buddy cop sidekick, hot on the trail of the Ripper! 

 

Johnny Depp was fine. Whatever. And the rest of the cast was pretty good, especially, Jason Flemyng, and the fat guy who announces the news in Rome. Oh Robbie Coletrane was in there too, although I can't think of him as anyone but Hagrid now, so that was a little distracting. "'Appy 11th birthday! Yer a wizard, Inspector Abberline! Blimey, that's why ya 'ave dreams about murdered women! There a be more a that at 'Ogwarts!"

The thing is, I don't know how this book could be adapted properly. Maybe our old standard request as comic fans— an HBO series? I'm not even sure that would work. Moore knows the score, Hollywood. Maybe you should leave his books alone. Except Lost Girls. I think we'd all watch that one.

Archie Sunday: Veronica teaches Archie an important lesson

I love this panel so much I made it into a fridge magnet years ago.

Punctuation!

Hey there folks. I'm sure that you're all still reeling from the wicked-cool fishing post that I did last week, but trust me: this week we're heading toward even cooler waters with some good ol' talk about punctuation, the coolest thing since etymology!

See, I was bopping around Wikipedia last week and I happened upon the article on the sadly-underused interrobang, which then led me to read of the exclamation mark, and on that page there's a section on how comics - and especially older comics - tended to use them almost to the exclusion of the period. Now, this was back in the day, when printing processes were more primitive and art was a bit more standardized, and people have gotten pretty good at conveying body language nowadays. In combination with the standard punctuation that we all know and love as well as techniques like bolding significant words and maybe sometimes giving speech balloons crinkly borders or something, comic bookers can convey a pretty wide range of emotion and tone. But what, my little brain asks, if some of the more unusual punctuation that has been invented over the years was incorporated into the experience? Could things get even better?

(Just a note here: Dave and Tiina have been deriving a fair amount of amusement out of my tendency toward researching the things that I write about here on Johnathan Super Saturday Excellent Extravaganza. I totally swear that I went no further than Wikipedia for this. Though I guess I did consider getting a book from the library.)

  The Interrobang

The interrobang is more of a stylistic thing than most of the bits of punctuation that will follow. It was created in 1962 by an advertising executive by the name of Martin Speckter and was meant to replace the odd-looking-yet-frequently-used pairing of ! and ?. I could get into the interrobang seeing more use in the comix. Here, I made an example (a famous example):

Well, that was my reaction upon first hearing of this one. Uh, sorry that the interrobang is so tall. Frankenstinian punctution so often is, after all.

I was kind of disappointed because I couldn't find any information on two other bits of punctuation that I heard about years ago and seem to remember that Speckter had a hand in. One was like an exclamation mark but had three spikes coming off of it instead of one, the theory being that advertising had overused the exclamation to the point that it had no meaning any more and needed a replacement. The second had a whopping five spikes coming off of it and was created preemptively for when the three-spike variety became overused. They fill me with cynical delight!

The Acclamation Point

This isn't the best bit of punctuation ever, I admit, but it's alphabetically the first in a group suggested in 1966 by author Hervé Bazin. It's the weakest of the bunch due to the fact that it resembles the younger brother of those multi-spike exclamation points that I was talking about earlier and also due to the fact that it's pretty easy to convey acclaim without needing special punctuation for it. Still, the shocked looks on everyone's faces whenever Batman gave someone a compliment might be extra-intense if he had one of these bad boys at the end of whatever minor bit of approval that he might deign to dole out.

The Authority Point

Another good one for Batman - in fact, it should probably go on the end of about half of his sentences. Here:

Now: isn't that more authoratative? He's threatening to spank her in a firm, commanding tone.

On that note, the authority point could make for some good "this guy is an asshole" shorthand, given how many super-heroes are hotshot young mavericks with something to prove. A Guardian of the Universe or a government agent could signal that they were to be held in contempt with one authority point-adorned sentence. Alternately, in a team book, this mark could tie a whole issue together - say the Justice League is beaten and near-defeated and then Superman stands up and rallies them around him with a cry of "Get the crumb-bums" - such a stirring moment!

The Certitude Point

Looks very similar to the authority point, which makes some sense. This is another one that perhaps isn't as needed on a regular basis. But! What if it was repurposed as the attitude point? Suddenly, all of those snot-nosed young mavericks with something to prove would have something to use as they mouthed off to the guys that were using the authority point. Also, teenagers.

The Doubt Point

A bit too complex for my tastes, but would be handy for books about the paranormal. As the requisite skeptical character (the Scully, for those in the field) is drawn further and further into the world of shoggoths and wills-o-the-wisp, his or her sentences could slide gradually toward acceptance of the supernatural, beginning with doubt points, changing to question marks partway through and then at the climactic moment rocking the full certitude point. Oh, I changed it to attitude point, didn't I? Well, Cthulhu could stand to get some attitude now and then.

The Indignation Point

More punctuaton for defining stock characters. If you use an indignation point then you're a stuffed shirt, a society type of the sort that might end up employing the Three Stooges or acting as a foil to the Marx Brothers. If you rock this thing in a comic book you're going to be humiliated by the Creeper or someone at best and eaten by something gross at worst. Or both.

The Irony Mark

The Wikipedia entry on the irony mark is where I fond most of the rest of these guys. It has its own entry because irony is cool, if misunderstood. This thing should be in use all over the comic book as a medium - just think how many characters define themselves by their habit of making wise-acre comments all the time. Heck, there's also a sarcasm mark that looks like the Spanish favourite inverted exclamation mark (¡) - how many characters would there be who never ended a sentence with anything other than those two? Note that the sarcasm mark is actually something that is actually used in the the Ethiopic language, making it and them super-cool.

I  felt compelled to use this one as an example due to the fact that Batman has gotten so much attention for the 'Papa spank" thing in recent years - look, Wonder Woman did it too! And included bondage and mind-control, naturally.

The Love Point

Slightly sickening to look at, isn't it? It could come in useful for comics with a lot of teenage crushing going on but what else could the beat-you-over-the-head-with-what-it's-for love point be good for? I'll tell you what it's good for: elevating the art of taking panels out of context to a whole new level:

Isn't it just too creepy? Speaking of which, I coudn't resist:

I'll leave you with that.

Good afternoon!

Shadow Thief shows that hard work and complete lunacy pay off.

We all know and love Shadow Thief, the shadow-based DC villain who used to annoy Hawkman and Hawkgirl on a regular basis.

But did you know that Shadow Thief's origin is completely stupid and hilarious?

Grab some popcorn and take a seat.

Shadow Thief, or Carl Sands, first appeared in The Brave and the Bold #36, which was among the many awesome comics collected in Showcase Presents Hawkman vol.1. Like all good villains, Shadow Thief likes to pass the time by remembering his own origin story.

"If only I were a shadow..." For most people this would be a fleeting, whimsical thought that one would be sort of embarassed about. But not this guy. He turns it into a mission.

He read up on shadow facts and legends. And then built something that he could have seen at (or, hell, stolen from) any children's science museum. But wait for this:

"I've got to do more research!" That is so crazy. That's like "Dammit! This quarter didn't really materialize in my ear! I must work harder! I must find a way!"

His relentless practice of children's science experiments and magic tricks is interrupted by one of the countless aliens who visited America during the 1960s.

My favourite thing about those panels is that somewhere in the short time that Carl met and rescued the alien, he managed to talk about how much he loves shadows.

Dude, you can have, presumably, any wish granted by this alien, and you still are sticking with the shadow thing? Aren't there better abilities than being able to control shadows?

Alright, actually, that is pretty cool.

You know who were probably really surprised are all the sensible people who were like "Seriously, Carl, enough with the shadows! It's never going to happen! Get a job!" Or his mom. "What would you like for your birthday this year, Carl? And DON'T say another flashlight!"

Once again a human triumphs over science and possibility and uses it to rob museums and banks. I salute you, Shadow Thief.

Rating the Super Hunks #23: Hercules

I had planned on rating Thor as a superhunk this week, but my thoughts kept turning to his old sparring partner. And thus I will now call forward the champion of Olympus,

HERCULES

Thirsty?

Costume/Appearance:

His outfit consists of a skirt, a sash, a headband, gold bracelets, a belt, and thigh-high gladiator sandals with studs down the front. Beyonce would look at those shoes and say "those are too much."

I LIKE THE SASH BECAUSE IT IS CONSTRICTIVE AND UNNECESSARY.

There are a few superheroes who choose to work barechested. That's nothing new. But paring the shirtlessness with a scandalously short wrap skirt is a very bold statement for a man to make. Particularly one his age (thousands of years old).

BONDAGE DOESN'T GET MORE MACHO THAN THIS.

From the waist down he looks like a trampy lady, but from the waist up he's all man. And that makes the bottom half manly too.

I approve whole-heartedly of the full beard. If only all men who choose goatees would instead go for this look.

NOTE: THIS IS NOT A GOOD EXAMPLE OF HIS BEARD. IT'S TOO STYLED HERE.

Hey, and you know what else? I was into that look he rocked during the Prince of Power mini-series. Sort of a beefier Barry Gibb:

I'M A WOMAN'S MAN, NO TIME TO TALK.

Generally, Hercules is a burly, bulging pile of man. We like that here at the Super Hunk Institute.

9/10

Personality:

He has a big ego. Huge. But, y'know, after thousands of years of being awesome, maybe he's earned that ego.

HE'S TALKING ABOUT HIS WANG.

I actually love Hercules' personality. He loves being Hercules. He loves to fight, he loves to compete, he loves to show off, but he's also got a kind heart. He's a hero, and not just because he can beat the hell out of pretty much anyone without breaking a sweat. He takes care of people, he's a loyal friend, and he's a capable leader. He's chatty, he's funny, and he likes to have a good time. He just generally loves life. You would think that someone who has been around as long as he has would be growing weary, but Hercules is still punching and smiling his way through life.

UPSKIRT!

He's the world's oldest celebrity. I think it's less ego and more giving the fans what they want.

HE'S GOT BITCHES IN THE LIVING ROOM GETTIN' IT ON AND THEY AIN'T LEAVIN' TILL SIX IN THE MORNIN'.

9/10

Sexiness of Superpowers:

Hercules is super strong, fast, agile, and basically immortal and invincible. All that good stuff. Certainly can't fault him in this department.

PLOORGGG!

And, again, not only are his powers great, the fact that he loves using them so much is great.

HERCULES, PUT THOSE WOMEN DOWN. YOU'RE SCARING THEM.

Also, he talks cool.

10/10

WE ARE DANGEROUSLY CLOSE TO SEEING HIS JUNK HERE.

Day Job:

Nope. Not for the ol' son of Zeus. Talk about being born with a silver spoon in your mouth! But that doesn't mean he doesn't have hobbies:

SHOW ME THE FOLK SINGER WITH THAT BODY.

Although he doesn't have a proper job, Hercules does spend all of his time hanging out with an orphaned boy genius. I think that earns him some points.

7/10

Cons:

Besides the ego, I would say that he has some definite commitment issues. He loves the ladies, but never for very long.

"YEAH, YOU AND EVERYONE, BITCH."

JEALOUS?

You could argue that he isn't particularly bright, particularly for someone who has been around this long. He also turns to violence as a solution pretty quickly.

I HEAR THAT.

HERCULES DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT NOTHING BUT THE ECSTASY OF BATTLE.

I dunno. I really can't fault this guy too much.

-1

Final Score: 34/40

Dude! That is dangerously close to Winter Soldier's score! Well done, Hercules! You're twice the man Thor will ever be. Jane Foster knows what I'm talking about:

HE ALSO HAS A PERSONALITY. LOCK IT DOWN, JANE.

Have at ME, Hercules!