Can we talk about something else?

/

You can say a lot of things about Dr Light, but you can't say he doesn't love to say the word 'rape.'
Dr Light was a joke, then he was a scary rapist, then he was a lobotomized joke, and now he's a scary guy again...who loves to talk about rape.

He even gets all metaphorical talking about rape. You can start a conversation with him, and he will find a way to bring it back to rape.

Did somebody say 'rape?' You'd better believe he likes rape!

Gee whiz, dude! Why don't you just change your name to Dr Rape and get it over with! You'd think you didn't have any totally awesome super powers!

Although I will admit, this little dig is funny. I'd say it's worth having him clumsily insert a rape reference into a conversation to get this insult out:

Ha! Green Arrow gets hot for arrows! Just like Dr Light gets hot for rape!

Excuse me, do you have the time?

/

You know what I like about the Clock King?


He clearly made his costume himself.

It looks like what you end up with when you're trying to throw a Halloween costume together at the last minute. Let's see...I've got some blue pyjamas...I could paint some clocks on those. And I have this green hooded cape. That doesn't really match, and I don't really need it for anything...but it might look kinda cool. I suppose if I wear these green underwear over the pjs that would sort of match the cape. It would bring it all together. I'll need some sort of mask...preferably something that almost completely obscures my vision. I'll just poke some eye holes in this clock face, I guess. And secure it to my head with this rubber band. Now just add the white rubber boots and long blue gloves...voila! Alright, it's not as cool as my original design...the one where I had actual working clock gears rotating on my chest...but I'm on a budget here.

Lookin' good, Clock King! Though I'm kind of surprised that he doesn't seem to be wearing a watch.

Oh, and he also looks like Charles Bronson with his mask off:

A Few Quick Reviews of Some Recurring Patterns That I've Noticed In the Comics of Yesteryear, By Johnathan

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Rather than do four small reviews, I have decided to serve them all up in a single entry, like a delicious platter of tiny foodstuffs. I think that I might call them 'Reviewlets,' or maybe 'Opinion Mini Quiches.' No matter, on with the ridiculousness!

First up:

The Tendency of Male Versions of Female Superheros to Wear the Exact Same Costume as Their Originals (Opinion Mini Quiche):

Take a look at this:
Saturn Girl and Princess Projectra are being manhandled by their male counterparts. I do admit that 'Prince Projectur' doesn't look too bad (though I question his choice of pants), but let's take a closer look at Saturn... Boy? Lad? Male.

He's wearing a bathing suit, folks. The white modesty panels that he's installed on the sides do nothing to disguise the fact that he took this directly out of Saturn Girl's closet. And gender-flipped doppelgangers do this every time - it's like there's a union and they'll either cover dental or the cost of costume tailoring.

NOT APPROVED

Next:

Over-Zealous Recapping (Opinion Mini Quiche):

Check this out:
In just two panels - two poorly, poorly-written panels - they've established the names of the whole Kent family, the names of their erstwhile visitors, how everyone relates to one another, and that Clark Kent (son of Jonathan and Martha [wife to Jonathan {Kent, Father to Clark} and mother to Clark {who is Superboy}, as well as girlhood friend to Lisa {mother to Kathy}] and secretly Superboy [Superboy is Clark {Superboy} Kent]) is actually Superboy. I'm surprised that they didn't squeeze in the origin of Beppo the Super-Monkey, honestly.

Now I understand that the average reader of Superboy comics circa 1970 probably needed this sort of thing - they weren't the media-savvy mental giants that we are today - but really: couldn't they have stretched it out a bit more?

NOT APPROVED

Hup!

Misogyny (Opinion Mini Quiche):

Simply put, Superboy kept the sisters down. Look at this:


So basically, Lana Lang got this alien belt, see, and she could wear it because she had such a slim waist, see, and it made her pretty much the equal of ol' Supes. Only drawback was that the belt functioned using advanced powers of magnetism, and so could only protect Lana from metallic projectiles such as bullets and not, say, rocks. Which is, I admit, a crappy weakness for someone to have. However: I do not see why this logically led to the destruction of the belt. Should someone whose only weakness (quick recap: Superboy's [Clark {Superboy} Kent] weakness is Kryptonite [Irradiated shards of the destroyed planet Krypton, home planet of Beppo the Super-Monkey]) seems to be about as common as sandstone, and who further seems to mention his susceptibility to it in every conversation that he ever has be allowed to take away someone's powers because they themselves have a weakness? Answer: no. Chauvinist pig.

NOT APPROVED

Last one!

Text Boxes With Hands (Opinion Mini Quiche):

I don't know if this was the work of one artist over at DC, or if it was a fad for a while, but text boxes with arms and hands that pointed at each other and so forth were all the rage for a while.

Witness:

Now these guys were totally awesome.

JOHN APPROVED

Superman #126: Superman Plays British

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I was going to go back to my idea of writing about comics that Darwyn Cooke gave us and write about Superman: True Brit, but that book is actually too ridiculous to bother reviewing.

I would much rather zip back in time and look at Superman posing as a Brit!

Like all good stories, this one starts with Superman giving himself amnesia.

Well, yeah Superman. I could have told you that experiment was a bad idea. And I never took chemistry.

So he starts to notice that he has some powers, and decides to try to learn more about himself:


Yeah, Superman. You study those murals. You study them hard. There is a lot of information there, so you might want to take notes. (I'm not entirely sure how he's using his super-breath in that picture. Is he cleaning the boat?).

Anyway, Superman decides he could use some normal-looking clothes, so he steals this guy's:

Alright, he doesn't steal. He accepts them as a gift. The point is that Superman looks totally ridiculous in a second.

Perry White is a whore for accents.

I was going to post these panels in full-colour, but I really think the black and white is better because it lets you use your imagination more. Superman looks silly, but consider for a moment just how silly he really looks. Monocle, pipe that never leaves his mouth, and, get this TALCUM POWDER in his hair to make it look blonde. This does not make your hair look blonde. It makes it look like it's full of talcum powder. Believe me. Basically what I am saying is that Superman looks like a crazy person.

But it's not all pipe-smoking and goofy-talking for Clarence Kelvin. He has to do some Superman chores as well. Like this one:
One of the key differences between the DCU and our world is that DC whales are vicious killing machines. I could do a whole post about people being rescued from golden and silver-age blood-thirsty whales. (I also like that the narration reminds us that Clarence Kelvin is actually Superman. In case we got lost in the intricate plot).

What's Lois think of our Clarence?

Par for course.

Yeah, Superman. Your new identity is wearing a little thin. It was never really what you might call 'fat.' See, the problem now is that you not only are a man who looks like Superman, but you are also a man who looks like Clark Kent with a monocle, a pipe and powder in your hair. Tweed suit does not a new man make. I'm actually surprised neither Lois nor Perry weren't immediately like "Morning, Kent. What's with the pipe?"

Superman eventually gets his memory back. I won't bore you with the details. He then comes up with this cunning plan as a way to further confuse poor Lois:

Way to make Lois feel like an idiot, Superman. Again.

I like Clark's posture and expression in that last panel.

So, there you have it. Superman and Britain. Never a good combination.