This Week's Haul: Amazons Go 300 on Your Ass!

First of all, an announcement: I have officially removed Superman/Batman from my pull list. Think about that. Me. I will no longer be buying a comic called Superman/Batman. That is so wrong I don't even know where to start. I've been buying it since the beginning. 34 issues of mediocrity. PLEASE fix this series, DC. I know I am not the only one dropping it. (One shots, one shots, one shots, one shots...)

And now on to this week's comics, which, sadly, were mostly a little...meh.

Catwoman #66

I'm always happy when there's a new Catwoman book, but this one was kinda dull. It's a bridge issue, ending the last story line and starting a new one. It mostly centered around a ridiculous new villain named Blitzkrieg, who, admittedly, was supposed to be ridiculous. It was pretty satisfying seeing that jerk-off cop get his head chopped off, though. And I am looking forward to more Hammer and Sickle. And Calculator.

Wonder Woman #8
Team Dodson was back on the art, so the book was looking good. The issue set up Amazons Attack, so it was more interesting than usual. I haven't been hating on this series as much as most people, but I am confused about how it fits into the larger DCU. Like...I don't understand how this Wonder Woman can be the same Wonder Woman who is in the JLA. That doesn't really make sense. The way I see it, WW shouldn't be a member of the JLA...yet. It makes sense that she would be doing some soul-searching and taking a break from being a part of a team. I mean, it's nice that the other heroes got over themselves and let her into the league, but I wouldn't have minded her saying no.

Getting back to WW #8, like I said, it's more interesting than the past few issues have been because it ties into Amazons Attack. For one thing, we got to see WW kick some serious ass:

And dig a tunnel!! Rad!

And we saw some kinda forced sexual tension between our girl and Nemesis. I mean, it's Wonder Woman. This guy is clearly not awesome enough for her:

I have a hard time believing that anyone who was molded from clay would have a birthmark. Maybe an artist's signature...

More sexual tension:

Hockey joke! I always appreciate that. It's clear that Nemesis does not follow hockey because...well, the Capitals are not winning the Stanley Cup anytime soon. And if they did, no one would care.

But I digress.

Let's see what happens when those Amazons attack!

Amazons Attack #1

Oh man. These ladies are HARDCORE. It starts with some Amazon soldiers randomly killing a father and son:

Daaaaaaamn.

Is it wrong that I kinda enjoy watching these women destroy Washington? I mean, in a fictional sense. Obviously I don't want a bunch of Amazons to really fly in on winged horses and slaughter all the men, but on paper...pretty cool.

I don't think you really have to be reading Wonder Woman to follow Amazons Attack. Especially since this attack is pretty damn sudden in WW. Plus, a lot of stuff gets repeated. But overall, Amazons Attack is a better read than Wonder Woman. Will Pfeifer is the man.

I like this scene:

I like to think that Batman completely misunderstands Steel. "I know exactly who you mean...Animal Man, right?"

Amazons are cool.

Action Comics #848
Sigh. Fill-ins. I mean...it wasn't terrible. It just wasn't very interesting. Especially since I would REALLY like to know what happens next in the Johns/Donner story. I feel for the fill-in writer because they have a tough job to do. It's like...Bruce Springsteen can't make it tonight, but here's Bryan Adams. Nobody is happy.

The art was alright, but, like, I dunno. I mean...this guy in the sweater is clearly Superman, y'know what I'm sayin'?

That's a very tight sweater.

So Superman goes to a small town to investigate this religion-based superpowered guy who has been killing lots of people (by accident, it seems). You can kind of tell who the superpowered dudes are in this little town. They kinda stand out, like in this church scene:

Soooo much bigger than anyone else in the church. That's gotta hurt the ol' secret identity.

And then scenes like this one just make me uncomfortable:

That's not usually how I stand when I fluff pillows. And, seriously, Superman looks like he's on the body building circuit. It's a little crazy-looking.

How long is this storyline?

52: Week 51

Well, this was pretty good. Animal Man is back! Yay!

Hilarious.

And Adam Strange got his sight back. Hooray! And Lobo killed that evil dolphin! And Skeets isn't evil, he's just been taken over...by the GROSSEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN. I will not even post a picture of it here. I seriously couldn't look at it.

Here's a little fact about me: I hate Starfire. HATE her. She is so gross-looking, and so boring, and so over-used because she is basically naked. I really hope she's the one that dies (y'know, that whole thing where a character's death kicks off Countdown supposedly? Please be Starfire). So I really enjoyed this:

Ellen rules. Also: "Double DD's"?? Is that, like, double-double-Ds?

Is she dead?! Is she dead?! Is she dead?!

This was interesting:

Awwwwwww. It would have been better if Robin's new costume was half denim too.

One final thing about 52 this week: is Ralph Dibny dead for real? If he is, I am going to be very, very sad/angry. I assumed he wasn't really dead, but now I worry that he is. And if so, how dead is he? Green Arrow dead, or Bruce Wayne's parents dead? Please don't be dead, Ralph! I can't handle losing Ted and the Question and you!

Blue Beetle #14

A new addition to the Living Between Wednesdays weekly haul! I finally got caught up on this series, and just in time for this delightful Gardner-centric romp!

Unfortunately, I couldn't scan any of it because I borrowed it, but I would like to say that I loved Gardner's casual clothes. Especially the chain.

It took me awhile to pick up these comics because I was so pissed about Ted Kord being killed. I love that guy. Kind of the same reason why I wouldn't read the New Atom. But they are both really good series. Goes to show what you miss out on when you're a stubborn jerk.

Connor Hawke: Dragon's Blood #6

Mud wrestling! In dragon's blood!

Cue the porn music aaaaand...roll the clips!

And that's the end of that story! Wait...what was it about again? Connor not being gay or something?

Justice #11
Hal Jordan fans rejoice, because there was a whole lotta him in this issue. Lookin' fine.

My favourite thing about this issue is that Ralph Dibny survived being eaten by Clayface. Man, it was just really good to see him again...totally sane.

Sometimes I get confused about what's happening in Justice vs what's happening in DC continuity. And sometimes it's the same. Like...Captain Marvel defeating Black Adam and forcing him to become mortal again. It all looked very awesome:

Have we seen an Alex Ross rendition of John Stewart before this series? Because he looks awesome:

Here's some of that Hal Jordan radness I was talking about. I love how crazy he makes Sinestro:

"Shut the hell up!" Aw, he's just saying what we're all thinking.

This cracked me up:

Ha! Quote of the week.

And here's a page that I stared at for quite a long time:

I especially like Ralph Dibny in this picture. And the little Bat Family reunion.

Like most issues of this series, there were some totally confusing things, and way too much going on. But it all looked fantastic.

Justice Society of America #5

Ok, when I said my comics this week left me feeling kinda meh...I was not including JSA. This comic rocked. You got your dark, crazy Batman first half in Arkham, and you got your bright, cheerful Superman/very brief history of the Legion of Superheroes half in the Fortress.

Lots of great moments, like this one:

Is that a Meltzer dig? Probably not, but it should make all the fans who cry foul when the heroes call each other by their first names happy.

But, seriously. I love Starman and his craziness. And I loved this:

"I make things heavy!" Awww.

Also, there are a whole lot of Batmans in this issue. So there's some sweet Batman-on-Batman action:
Batmans!

I also just want to quickly mention that this gets my vote for creepiest panel of the week:

Ewww! Get away from Dream Girl, Skeletor Dr Destiny!

I am loving this cross-over. LOVING IT!

Outsiders Annual #1

I checked this out because I love annuals. As I read this I suddenly remembered that I don't care about The Outsiders. I love me some Roy and some Nightwing, but damn. This is pretty boring. Annuals should be funner than this. I haven't read Outsiders since Infinite Crisis, so there are probably people out there who will get more out of this than I did.

Fallen Son: The Death of Captain America #2 featuring The Avengers

I feel that this is a good idea for a series, and could potentially be very good, but the whole thing is very summer blockbuster. The all-star line-up of artists is great, and the cute way of making each issue a different stage of grief is neat, but overall...meh. I do want to say, because I don't think I mentioned it last time, that the lack of first-person narrative in Loeb's writing is refreshing and surprising. However...I dunno. I think I would have liked to see Bendis on this mini-series. It's just that...Loeb kinda came out of nowhere to do this. He wasn't working on any major Marvel titles leading up to, or during Civil War. He's on there because it sells issues, and it's kind of too bad because this series could probably be a whole lot better. Like, I am a very casual Marvel reader, and this series is too spelled-out to even hold my interest, y'know what I'm saying? It's all a little "I am The Thing. I like beer and poker." "I am Wolverine. I am a jerk with a good heart under my gruff exterior." "I am Spider-Man. I am emo and annoying."

Thumbs up on the McGuinness art, though. Very nice. And, of course, I bought his cover and not the Turner variant.

I gave Wolverine #53 a quick read, but it was so terrible I'm not even gonna bother reviewing it. And the next issue...Wolverine fights Sabertooth. Ok. They must know how ridiculous that is. It must be a joke, right? That every issue ends with the same preview of the next issue, more or less?

This Week's Haul: Cowboys and Indians

I didn't get to read all my comics last night because of Grindhouse, so I'm a little late with this. I have some new additions to the weekly reviews. Most importantly, Jonah Hex, which I am now caught up on and have decided to buy monthly rather than wait for the trades because, frankly, it's pretty much my favourite comic.

This is also the week that Living Between Wednesdays reader and super-fan Mark Sable started writing Supergirl, so I checked that out.

I was hoping to be caught up on The Atom by now, but next month for sure! Same with Runaways. I'm also planning to add Blue Beetle, Birds of Prey, Green Lantern, Manhunter and Daredevil within the next month.

And there's some new Marvel junk this week. Let's get started!!

Justice League of America #7

You know, I was smiling throughout the entire three hours of Grindhouse. Then I got home and read this before bed, and damn if my face didn't get a chance to relax. This was delightful.

First of all, there's this:

Adorable! (Even cuter that he gets it framed and hangs it in the cave later).

And then there's Roy being totally great-looking in his new costume, and being all flustered and happy with being invited to join the league. And making Canary and Hal cry. And the new headquarters! With the slideways door that leads to the watchtower in space!! So rad! And the pull-out of the whole league?! That was an exciting surprise.

I really love this series. It's the little details. There are so many fun little moments like this one:

He looks at his boots!

I seriously love this line-up. It's going to be a good time.

I like Meltzer's banter. I like the things he imagines the heroes do together when they are hanging out. Like Arrow and Lantern:

All this plus a Starro story-line? Beautiful!

Midnighter #6

My boyfriend's back! And he's totally...weird. This one-shot story was set in feudal Japan. While not as fun as the rest of the Ennis run, it was certainly sexy. I actually don't have much to say about it. It was fine. Next month...Brian K Vaughan!

Superman #661

Ladies, ladies, ladies!

First of all, I just want to say that Wonder Woman's shorts looked fantastic in this comic, so nice work Eduardo Barreto! In general, I really liked the art in this book. It was cartoony and fun. This comic was mostly about women, and Superman just played a supporting role.
I really liked that Clark was magically changed into Superman in the middle of a room full of people and yet his identity remained protected because no one could remember what he looked like before he became Superman. ("Was he wearing glasses?" "No, a false mustache.")

Good-looking and fun. I liked it. Especially Lois breaking the fourth wall in the final panel.

52: Week 48

So that answers that question about where Batwoman is, one year later. Batwoman: we hardly knew ye. But you looked damn good. This issue was a lot more focussed than last week, but I have to say, the last page, being the only page not part of the Montoya/Batwoman storyline, was totally my favourite part. I guess my theory about Black Adam turning the tables on Sivana that I made last week was incorrect. He's in pretty rough shape. And Sivana saying "I finally found a way to dissolve the enamel on the Black Marvel's teeth" gets my vote for comic quote of the week. Or the year. (Think about it...he used the word "finally". That's hilarious).

Detective Comics #831

Not bad. Not bad at all. I really don't like Don Kramer's art, largely because his facial expressions are weird, but I didn't think it was too bad in this book. One thing I can say that's positive about his art is that he doesn't do cheescake. And there were a few panels in this book that were actually really nice. Like this one:

Harley is an undeniably endearing character, and Dini obviously loves writing her. It was a good little story. I really liked Harley telling Batman about meeting the Ventriloquist in Arkham and how he reached out to her. I'm a sucker for stories that humanize Bat-villains.

Superman/Batman #33

Ok, they should just change this to Superman Loves Batman and get it over with.

This ends the not-so-hot Enemies Among Us storyline. I liked this issue ok, but mainly because this really felt like it might be the one where they finally kiss. I mean...Superman taught Batman that the most powerful weapon against mind-controlling aliens is...love. Or, at least, trust. Anyway, it ends with this bit of fluffy goodness:

I am a sucker for Batman holding a cup of coffee.

And then we get a Bruce Wayne who is a changed man, Christmas Carol-style:

WHAT?! It better not! Oh Verheiden, go back to Smallville, where your sugar-coating cannot possibly make things sweeter. (I like Mark Verheiden. I'm just sayin'...)

And the last page? Well:

God that's romantic.

Do you know what would have been amazing? If Superman/Batman had, first of all, been called World's Finest, and had just been a series of one-shot stories, each time told by a different writer and artist pairing. A different set of storytellers for each issue, so everyone would have a chance to tell one story about the two biggest guns in the DC rack. Then the title would have referred to the characters and the authors/artists. Wouldn't that have been awesome?! Is it too late for that?

Supergirl #16

I said I'd read it, and I did. And...I liked it. It satisfied my nerdy love of Krypton-based stories, and it gave a really interesting and compelling backstory for Kara. It also showed us where she got her good looks, because her dad is a stone fox. See? I'm not totally against objectification.
The art is really nice, and that's refreshing. I mean, that costume is always going to suck, but the cartoon-style art makes her look a lot less gross. And the new studded belt is kinda fun and teenager-ish (it is new, isn't it?). I'll keep hoping for an issue where she matures a little and realizes that her costume is ridiculous and changes it.

The issue started with the line "You are a failure, Kara. An utter and complete failure." So right away I was enjoying myself. The book was delightfully self-aware. The theme of the whole issue was basically "Nobody likes you, let's figure out why and then do something about that." It had a great cliff-hanger ending that makes me want to read the next issue. So far so good. A definite improvement. And you know I really wanted to hate this, so this praise has weight to it.

Fallen $on: The Death of Captain America #1 featuring Wolverine

What a frigging cash-grab.

This actually featured everyone but Spider-Man, pretty much. It's written by Jeph Loeb, so it's full of totally natural dialogue like this:

Wolverine: That's how everybody and their grandmother remembers you. Bucky, Captain America's teenage sidekick back in World War Two. Kids all around the world dreamed of just meeting Cap -- and there you were in your dandy red-and-blues, fighting along-side the living legend. And we remember how you died.

Winter Soldier: I wasn't the only one people thought died that day. The world also lost Cap back then.

Wolverine: Exactly...And here you are. All alive and stuff. And after digging him out of a block of ice, Cap survived as well.

Clunk, clunk, clunk.

And Iron Man is still hanging out next to Steve Rogers' body. Boyfriend, much?

This was pretty lame. See the movies, kids! Buy the toys! I'm surprised Silver Surfer didn't glide on in for a page or two.

I was hoping I wouldn't have to bust this out again, but:

Avengers: The Initiative #1

This is me trying to care about Marvel, post-Civil War.

I actually enjoyed this comic. It was fun. Superhero bootcamp. It had some fun characters and nice art. I have nothing else really to say about it. I'll read the next issue, though.

Jonah Hex #18

Jonah has a bad day in this one. Makes some mistakes. He also kills a bear and says some really awesome things. There have been a lot of artists on this series with a lot of different styles, and they have all been excellent. This week it's provided by Val Semeiks, and he's of the school that likes to make Hex's face extra gross. I respect that.

This series is so good. It's the first thing I recommend to anyone who asks me what comics are good. You could pick up any random issue and completely enjoy it. Plus, he's such a perfect fictional character. And everyone likes cowboys.

Scalped #4

And we've come to the Indians half of this post's title.

This series is good. It's one of those comics where you kind of forget that you're reading a comic. It feels more like I'm watching a television show or a movie. Dash is just a really compelling character, and beneath all the violence and profanity and bleak imagery there is a dark, but touching, love story. It's a really well-constructed series, and I recommend checking it out while it's still young.

Grant Morrison 1, Jeph Loeb 0

I really didn't want to dis Jeph Loeb again so soon. But seriously, this is me going easy on Wolverine #50.

What does Jeph Loeb have against Canada? We only have one good Canadian hero, and he wants to make him act all American. Sure some mysterious Canadian bad guys did some terrible things to Logan, but terrible things are done to all heroes, usually by Americans. They don't hate America because of it. One Canadian dig is fine. Sure. On a cold day I might casually renounce my citizenship too. But page after page after page?!

Grant Morrison rules. He does Canada proud with his Wolverine:

Yeah, that's right. Correcting the asshole. A little patriotism before a fight? Not bad.

Or maybe the Canadian government sits around thinking up stupid things for Wolverine to say in battle (??!!), as suggested by this (agonizingly cute) Loeb page:

Oh, chill, Wolverine. I would argue that you were saying things that were far more ridiculous in the first half of this very comic book. But you looked pretty while you said them, thanks to Simone Bianchi's snazzy artwork.

Shut Up, Jeph Loeb (#1)

For the record, I don't hate Jeph Loeb. He's written things that I've enjoyed quite a bit. Things that many comic readers did not enjoy. Say what you want about Hush, but it is hands-down the best superhero comic book to lend to someone who doesn't read superhero comic books. This is because of three key Loeb traits that are more than present in Hush, and pretty much everything else the guy writes:

1. Heavy-handed, repetitive, soul-searching in the form of interior monologues, usually serving as narration.
2. A veritable all-star game of every hero and villain he can think of, each with a clear introduction, regardless of how well the characters actually fit into the story.
3. Cuteness.

Loeb's stories often go nowhere, but at least there are lots of clear roadsigns along the way. And the artwork is always nice because he gets superstar artists. What I'm saying is, his comics are easy to read, and this might explain his popularity among the casual comic fan (read: people who read comics to feel closer to Brandon Routh).

Like I said, I don't hate the man's writing, and I can see that he has enormous love for the characters and so forth. But pretty much every time I read one of his stories I hit a moment where all I can think is...

I guess I should give an example. Hmmmm...so many to choose from...

Alright, here's a good one. From Superman/Batman #4. These are probably the only two pages of these books that don't explicitly indicate that Superman and Batman are totally in love with each other. Because that's another Loeb trait: all superheroes love each other as much as Loeb loves them.

Anyway, in these panels we have S & B fighting it up against a grab bag of DC superheroes. Here's a chunk of what they're thinking:

Did I mention that Loeb likes to have his characters over-explain things? He does.

"S. Castling."?! Why don't you just say "switch"? It's not like that's code for anything. Any idiot would know what you're planning. But just in case the readers are morons, Superman explains it to us. And adds something cute about Bruce loving chess. And then Batman makes a cute remark about it. No, wait...Batman thinks a cute remark about it.

So within these two pages we see examples of all three signs that you're reading a Loeb story: overly spelled-out narration in the form of interior monologues, loads of random characters, and unbearable cuteness.

Frankly I'd be ok with all of that if the story would just go somewhere satisfying for once. Always with the convoluted craziness! Like this story, for example, started by being about Metallo and the possibility that he murdered Thomas and Martha Wayne back when he was merely John Corben. But it ended by being about...Captain Atom zapping Superman with a Kryptonite ring so that he could be the one to pilot a giant composite Superman/Batman-shaped spacecraft and destroy a Kryptonite meteor headed for Earth while Batman and a recovered Superman battle Lex Luthor. And even to get into the larger story of Superman being framed by Luthor for wanting to destroy the Earth, we have to accept the fact that the entire world and all Justice League and Justice Soceity superheroes would agree that a Kryptonite meteor is evidence enough that Superman is out to destroy them all. *sigh*