Metamorpho rejects Justice League, becomes skateboard

I love Metamorpho. Any creation of Bob Haney's is a friend of mine.

In Justice League of America #42, by Gardner Fox and drawn by Mike Sekowsky and Bernard Sachs, the League decides to extend a membership invitation to Metamorpho, but the Element Man is NOT INTERESTED.

But first, a charming vignette in which Metamorpho cheers a young boy by turning himself into a skateboard.

 

If a terrifying-looking stranger, or hell even a regular-looking dude, suddenly turned himself into a living skateboard, would you immediately jump on and start riding? I think I would hesitate.

When that heroic endeavor is over, Metamorpho suddenly loses control of his own arms, as they are stretched to the sky and start forming words out of the clouds against his will!

Ok, it's one thing for the League to use such an insane and complicated method of invitation, but COME ON! Does the message need to be that long-winded?!

Metamorpho's  immediate reaction toward the invite is, understandably, negative.

Suddenly Metamorpho is attacked by a bizarre shapeless entity that seems to really want to join the Justice League. He's one of those enemies who is such a huge fan of the JLA that they decide to prove it by attacking all of them. It turns out that this is the first appearance of The Unimaginable.

Meanwhile the boring Justice League are watching the whole fight on their monitors. Superman is flabbergasted as to why anyone wouldn't want to be a part of the boring Justice League, with their frequent tedious meetings and endless discussion in lieu of action.

"Let's show him what teamwork can do!!" God the Justice League is such a bunch of nerds.

It turns out that what the Justice League and teamwork can do is...not much. After a brief battle, everyone ends up tangled in the strange creature's...things. Green Lantern is, as usual, ass over teakettle within seconds.

Since the creature has been kind enough to dump them off at their cozy little base, the heroes take a few minutes to discuss Metamorpho's lack of enthusiasm about their invitation. This lasts until Batman makes an excellent point:

Right. The alien thing. Evil.

But first! What if Green Lantern's ring can fix Metamorpho and make him regular old Rex Mason again?

I'll tell you who: that same stupid alien. So get your fighting clothes on, it's time for Act 2!

About this next panel, I just want to point out that GL's pose is hilarious:

So here's our alien being that has been tormenting the Justice League. The Unimaginable looks like nothing, and REALLY wants to join the Justice League. But Batman is leaning toward voting 'no' on his membership:

Do you feel like maybe the artist just didn't feel like designing a new bad guy for this issue?

Threats and ultimatums usually work great with the Justice League. I think that's how the Atom got in. I like that The Flash still needs more information before he can make an informed decision.

The Justice League aren't going to let some jagged, featureless piece of space trash boss them around. They are going to solve this problem the only way they know how: by engaging in a long, boring discussion!

It doesn't even occur to them that Metamorpho didn't duck out on the fight. He ducked out on the conversation so he could just go fight the guy.

Yes! Finally! Go!

So they head to outer space and quickly find themselves inside The Unimaginable for some reason. I guess the only way to defeat him is by attacking him from the inside.

I want to give The Flash props here because I can't honestly say that I would recognize this sound if I heard it:

Anyway, they beat The Unimaginable and head home, where they revisit the original task of trying to get Metamorpho to join the League. He's still not interested (probably even less interested now that he's spent some time with them). He would like Green Lantern to give the ring thing another try though:

Sure. Why not?

Metamorpho has a great attitude about it, as usual, and even agrees to be a part-time JLA member, if that will shut them up.

Hooray! And remember, this is during a time that Element Men were still largely discriminated against in society. Well done, Justice League!

And then Metamorpho ran out and bought call display for his phone.

This Week's Haul: Badness Happening in Tangent

So, I don't really want to get into the two comics in too much detail, but there was a very specific problem happening with Justice League of America and Countdown Arena this week. Consider first the infinitely unlikely coincidence of any Tangent comics character being referenced twice in one week. Now let's add the improbability that the same Tangent character is being used in two separate series...and that one of these comics completely contradicts the events of the other. I mean, I don't care to see the Tangent comics Flash in any of my books, but I certainly don't want her to be teaming up with the JLA in one book, and dying horribly in another at the exact same time. I mean, really, what are the odds that the same RIDICULOUSLY obscure character is being used twice in one week, and that they can't even get THAT to sync up?!

In related news, I dropped JLA from my pull list this week. I gave it a more than fair chance, and this issue was beyond terrible. Never in my wildest dreams would I expect to drop a JLA comic written by Dwayne McDuffie, but here we are.

And since I am waxing cranky about DC anyway, I'd also like to voice my disappointment of a complete lack of Christmas-themed comic this year. Oh, except the TERRIBLE issue of Detective Comics, which wrapped up the Resurrection of Ra's Al Ghul with this drippy panel:

Yargh. I almost barfed on my comic, which would have reduced its condition to poor and I would not have been able to return it to the store.

But seriously, DC. Nothing? Last year you guys had that great Xmas issue of JLU, and then the half decent Infinite Christmas Holiday special, PLUS a festive issue of 52. And this year not even a festive installment of Countdown?! What's wrong with the DCU? It's a world of dread and fear, where the only water flowing is the bitter sting of tears. Do they know it's Christmastime at all?

And don't think you're getting away easy, either Marvel! What If Civil War?! That's not even a question! And the inside was, like, what if Civil War was written correctly the first time. But with much worse art, at least in the second story.

The Marvel Christmas Special was, however, very fun. Particularly the first story.

I'm in a bad mood because I took home a very large stack of comics and enjoyed very few of them. But, hey. It wasn't all bad. Let's look at some others:

The Immortal Iron Fist #11

Now THIS was an awesome comic!

This must be the funnest comic to write. Particularly this storyline, with the kung-fu matches happening in every issue, complete with crazy awesome names for every move.

And the bad guys are just so evil. I love it!

This series rules so much because its pretty much the lone representative on the shelves currently of a very classic genre of pulp entertainment. And it's a really, really good representative. It's kinda like The Spirit in that way. I feel when I am reading it that it's a labour of love for everyone involved.

Catwoman #74

I love this series, but why oh why must it constantly be tying into events? Particularly events that I have no interest in? If any comic should just be allowed to stand alone, it's this one. I get that they want to make Catwoman kinda badass again. This issue had her cutting off all her hair to symbolize her return to...I dunno...pre-One Year Later, I suppose. Forget everything you thought you knew and enjoyed about Selina Kyle, because now she's childless and being magically transported to Salvation Run! Why? I am guessing her books aren't selling well enough. Which is too bad because its an excellent series, and was actually the best post-Crisis book going, for my money. But thank God they are doing away with all those pesky character developments that I have been very excited about for the past year and a half or so. Why stop at this reduction? Let's just stuff her in the purple costume again and have Doug Moench write her.

Argh. Sorry. I trust in Pfeifer to maintain the awesomeness of this comic through whatever muck the higher ups at DC decide to drag it through, because he's done a good job so far. I'm just frustrated because I love this series so much, and Selina Kyle is one of my all-time favourite fictional characters. This issue was good, and the art was beautiful as always, but I just wish it could be left alone. I guess I should be thankful that it wasn't part of the Ra's Al Ghul crossover.

Birds of Prey #113

Sean McKeever makes his debut, and it's a loud one! He decides to kick off his run with a giant disaster which occurs on the BoP's watch. A big ol' chunk of Metropolis gets blown up. It's not good:

Barbara gets a strip torn off her from Superman:

I think it's an interesting direction for the series. Now the team is fighting to get back in Superman's good books. The writing was great, even though it understandably needed to include a number of quick character introductions to get new readers up-to-speed. I really enjoyed Tony Bedard's short run on this, but I'm excited to see what McKeever's got planned.

Incredible Hulk #112

Marvel wins this week because I really enjoyed this comic too. The art, by Khoi Pham and Stephane Peru, was really excellent.

I'm really enjoying the team-up of Hercules and this Amadeus kid. They are a lot of fun together.


Superman #671

All I really want to say about this comic is how much I love this panel:

Ahahahaha! He looks like Beaker!


Superman/Batman #44

Can you believe this series is up to issue #44 already? I do love that bold cover, though, of Superman busting right through Batman, ripping him clean in half.

I'm not going to lie to you...I was looking forward to this issue because I could not wait to make fun of it. After Michael Green's absolutely absurd run on Batman Confidential, I was expecting nothing less than side-splitting unintentional hilarity out of this book. I wasn't disappointed. But I also didn't hate it in the way I thought I would. It actually captured my heart, much like my beloved Smallville: it's so stupid, it's almost charming.

It opens with Superman and Batman secretly watching over the filming of a Superman/Batman movie (directed, apparantly, by Jeph Loeb).

They are using real Kryptonite on the set as a prop for "realism." That's fine, except this comic also works in Smallville continuity, meaning that Kryptonite causes mutations in many humans. So...if that were the case...they probably wouldn't be using it on the set of a movie. It wouldn't be all that safe.

Anyway, Livewire shows up and does her thing, which causes Kryptonite shards to fly everywhere, including into Superman's face and eye.

So he goes down, and Flash shows up. Except Flash is a TOTAL DOUCHE! He just keeps ribbing Supes for being taken down by a "second-stringer" like Livewire. But, seriously, Superman has a face full of Kryptonite and he is dying. And Flash is being all "Man, I am never going to let you live this down." It's jarringly out-of-character for ol' Wally.

Anyway, they get Superman to the Fortress of Solitude, and Batman shows up with Alfred so he can remove the Kryptonite. Could they have taken Superman to the Batcave and it would have been easier for everyone? Yes. Of course.

Superman does some thinking over the next few days, and then recruits Batman to help him rid the world of all Kryptonite. The issue ends with them realizing that there is an awful lot of it to round up. Good thing they have five more issues.

Metamorpho Year One #6

This comic had that thing that I love where superheroes team up to mess with people's heads!

The JLA totally shows up in this issue and disguises themselves as bad guys so Metamorpho will fight them and show them what he's got. I love that stuff!

And Batman...did nothing.

This was a great ending to a very fun mini-series. Well done! But I'm still not reading Outsiders!

***Speaking of The Outsiders, Geo-Force got traded in this week's issue. He's no longer a JLA member. Can they just do that? "Hey, Geo-Force...pack your desk. You're moving to the Outsiders."

Marvel Adventures: Fantastic Four #31

I will buy anything with David Hahn art. Plus, I loves me some Marvel Adventures comics.

This was written by Kirsten Sinclair, who I admit I am unfamiliar with. The issue is a lot of fun. The FF go shopping! And The Thing gets a facial!

It's very funny and the art, of course, is beautiful. Do check it out.

All done! My scanner wasn't working all week, but I got it up and running again. So the posts should be flowing on a more regular basis. Comments are welcome. We can talk about anything...like how rad Grendel is, or how much I wish next week's comics...which are going to RULE...we're going to be late. Stupid holidays.

This Week's Haul: So Very Late

Once again, these reviews are ridiculously late. I have my stupid financial accounting exam tomorrow night, and then I'm free until January 7th! Sweeeeet!

Countdown Week 21

Trickster is still dead and Piper is still sad. So am I.

Countdown: Arena #1

And the Lord sayeth to Monarch "Build an arena 300 cubits by 300 cubits, and bring into the arena three of every superhero. Preferably you will choose the most ridiculous of each superhero. And make them fight to the death, for I am bored."

This, folks, is the definition of entertainment for the lowest common denominator.

I don't even know what to say about it. It's ridiculous and bad and I really, really don't understand why this "event" is happening.

Justice League of America #15

I am so close to dropping this, and that is just wrong. I'm a big JLA fan. I'm a big McDuffie fan. So why does this suck? I dunno, but it does.

It's just generally not fun or interesting. And it's full of really awkward jokes.

And also, who's drawing this thing? Sisqo?

Thong-thong-thong-thong-thong.

Canary's got dumps like a truck!

The All-New Atom #18

Ah! Now here's the best JLA-related story I've read in awhile! And the best Wonder Woman story I've read in awhile!

I actually totally adored this issue. I loved every panel. Like this one:

And this one:

And also The Atom being burned alive on a Ted Grant (snicker) Indoor Grill! And Wonder Woman licking her thumb and rubbing the blood off the Atom's head! So good.

But please don't let The Head be dead!

Avengers The Initiative Annual #1

Awesome! Not only is this everything I hope for when I pick up an annual, it's the first comic to move the Skrull storyline along in awhile. Everything interesting that is happening in the Marvel universe is happening in this series (and in the ones that Brubaker writes, of course, but those are, like, their own universe. An awesome universe).

Everyone is talking about Skrulls over in The New Avengers, but in The Initiative we're seeing some honest-to-God Skrulls. And some great back stories for all the main characters.

World War Hulk: Aftersmash

Hulk smashed. New York is a mess. Iron Man is an insufferable prick.

The most awesome thing about this comic is the Mini Marvels comic at the back.

So, so good. Marvel needs to put these into every comic. And release a book that collects them.

Please note Daredevil in the upper right corner of this panel:

I did a spit-take.

Jonah Hex #26

Man. This was messed up. I read this right before bed and I had a bad case of the jeeblies. This story is probably going to stay with me for awhile.

It was really awesome, though. And the art was fantastic!

Robin #169

Beautiful art! Lame tie-in! I mean, seriously, how many times have I heard this story?

Totally Evil Guy: "I can bring your loved ones back from the dead, all you have to do is whatever crazy thing I say!"

Noble Hero: "Really?"

Totally Evil Guy: "Yup. For reals."

Usually Very Intelligent Hero: "Well...alright then."

Other Hero(es) Present: "You probably shouldn't listen to that guy. He's evil."

Disappointing Hero: "DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO! WHY SHOULD I BE ALLOWED TO LIVE WHEN MY PARENTS/SISTER/GIRLFRIEND/SIDEKICK/BROTHER/BEST FRIEND/UNCLE BEN IS DEAD?!"

Other Hero(es): "Yeah, that sucks...but the thing is, you're probably just going to die, and then the evil guy won't actually bring back your loved ones. I mean, why would he?"

Dumb Hero: "Screw you! I'm doing it!"

Comic: TO BE CONTINUED!

Really, Tim. I expected better from you.

Now, the most important thing to come out this week, of course, is the Saga of the Super Sons trade paperback. It is, hands down, the campiest thing you can own. It's just brilliantly terrible, and everyone should own it. My love/hate relationship for the Super Sons knows no bounds.

This Week's Haul: Too Many Kryptonians

I tried so hard to post every day this week, but I failed yesterday. I just can't find time to do anything anymore.

I did, however, get First Runner Up in The Coast's Best of Halifax reader's poll for Best Local Blog! So thanks to everyone who voted for me. I didn't even know that was a category this year!

I read a bunch of comics this week. Here's some of them:

Robin #168

The Ressurection of Ra's Al Ghul continues. I don't know why this is "Part 1 of 7" when there were two parts last week. Does that mean there are going to be 7 issues of Robin alone that tie into this thing?

So Damian isn't so into Ra's Al Ghul's plan to use his body as a host. So he hightails it to Wayne Manor to find his dad. Instead he runs into Robin, and Tim isn't happy to see him. They get into it.

Then Damian runs upstairs and finds Alfred, who is awesome. This is actually where I start to feel kinda bad for Damian. Maybe the kid isn't pure evil.

Oh, kid. How many times have I said that?

Tim wakes up after being knocked unconscious, and mistakes Damian helping Alfred up after he trips for Damian trying to kill Alfred. Oops!

Alfred totally tears a strip off of Tim. It's rad:

The comic ends with this exciting page:

Aw, man! Continued in Nightwing? I have to read Nightwing?! Sheesh. That's like "To Be Continued in Trigonometry Class." Boooooo.

Supergirl #23

Yet another creative team for Supergirl. I really like the art. I think the writing is good...but I had no idea what was happening in this issue. I read it twice. No idea.

But I still think the writing is good, because the characterization is good. And it kinda tied into Sinestro Corps, but not enough to put that on the cover.

It started off in Supergirl's apartment, which I thought was cool. She has a mysterious present on her coffee table. It's lead and soundproofed. She finally just decides to open it. This gets her a phone call from Batman.

And here is what Supergirl is good for: calling Batman on his creepy weirdness.

She's right, Batman. Who would actually tie a box up with a big pretty bow?

SG gets the call from Superman and soars into battle.

Overall, I think there's hope for this comic.

The All-New Atom #17

Oh man, this was great! Wonder Woman makes an appearance, giving us a taste of what's to come in Simone's upcoming run on WW. I'm excited.

Especially after this awesome Picoult dig:

Ha! You tell 'im, Diana!

She looks so dope on that motorcycle!

This issue gives us more of the Ryan/Giganta relationship, which, as it turns out, is still happening. Fantastic!

Short Guy/Tall Woman, Super Hero/Villain. I love it.

I also loved this misunderstanding:

What a great comic.

Justice League Unlimited #39

You put Batman and Elongated Man together, and you know you're going to have a good time. Throw Detective Chimp into the mix, and you have a party.

Also, as I've mentioned before, this is the only comic that completely ignores all the depressing continuity and offers month after month of fun stories about dead characters. I love it.

I mean, how can you not love this?

Batman feels the same way about Ralph's gross nose that I do. I'll add it to the list of things we could talk about on our date.

The ending of this comic was solid gold:

Metal Men #4

Another beautiful issue of Metal Men, which should win awards for the covers alone! This is going to make a gorgeous book when it's collected.

Just look at this crazy steam shovel that the Metal Men join together to build:

That's just awesome.

Gold and Lead have exchanged identities, and Lead (now Gold) is trying to cheer his friend up. It's pretty cute.

God, this comic is just so beautiful! I can't stand it!

Superman #670

The Third Kryptonian...again, a very confusing concept, considering there are five Kryptonians on the cover, none of which is the "Third Kryptonian."

I thought this was pretty neat:

Batman has the job of Fortress Keeper. He plays it like John Travolta in Get Shorty:

That is a suit that Superman designed and built. It is constructed to recognize Batman's biometric signature. So in love.

Actually, this comic did come dangerously close to Jeph Loeb-levels of Superman-crushing-on-Batman-through-obsessive-interior-monologues. Superman was thinking of him almost constantly throughout the issue.

So now the Third Kryptonian is gone. We hardly knew ye, What's-her-name!

This Week's Haul: Before The Storm

Just a quick announcement before I get started. You might not hear from me for a few days (which isn't too unusual these days). The reason is because we are scheduled to get slammed by Hurricane Noel tomorrow. Last time we got hit with a storm this size, we lost power for quite a while. So that's what I'm prepared for.

Now I am thinking that this tree-top level apartment with a glass front, while nice, might not be the best location for this storm.

But enough of this unpleasantness. At least I have plenty of comics to read.

And here's what I thought of some of the ones that came out this week!

Action Comics #858

I was really looking forward to this, and I was not disappointed. Gary Frank's artwork is beautiful and Geoff Johns' writing is, as always, stellar.

It's a little confusing, in that it is a story set in current continuity, but borrows a lot from the past. It feels like a Year One story, mostly due to the emphasis on Clark Kent's loner status, and inability to relate to humanity. Of course, this has to ignore the fact that he is happily married, which this comic does.

But I'm not complaining. Especially not if we get delightful pages like this one, with classic grouchy Perry, awkward Clark and enthusiastic Jimmy:

That panel of Clark examining his tie kills me.

We also get some great flashback scenes of Clark as a lonely kid, when he meets the Legion for the first time. This was pretty adorable and heartbreaking, as a friendless young Clark thinks he's found someone who understands lonliness:

Awww.

I really liked this remark, as Superman faces who he believes is Brainiac, but is actually Brainiac 5 in an elaborate plot to get Superman's attention:

Hee!

It's nice to see Superboy and the legion. Especially with art this nice.

Superman ends up traveling to the future, just like the good ol' days, and finds out the hard way that Earth has a red sun in the 31st century:

Ouch!

Looking forward to more of this!

Batman #670

Ra's Al Ghul is back and he's effing terrifying!

Yargh!

This, along with this week's Robin Annual, more or less begins the big Resurrection of Ra's Al Ghul crossover, which will be continued in Batman and in Robin. I'm not super pumped about it, just because I've been enjoying the non-event issues of both Batman and Robin. But Grant Morrison is still writing, so it's not going to suck.

I am also liking Damien more and more:

You tell him, kiddo!

On a similar note, the Batman and Son action figures were released this week, and they look great! There's a very awesome Tim Drake, and a sweet-looking Batman. If you want a Man-Bat figure, there's a nice one of those, and the Joker one is fun to pose. I'm surprised they didn't make a Talia figure. It would have made more sense than the Joker.

52 Aftermath: The Four Horsemen #3

This entertaining Big Three story continues to roll along, with Giffen's inter-hero banter getting increasingly silly:

I have a hard time believing that Batman would ever say 'Hello' in that manner. He may as well have said "Ex-squeeze me?"

One thing this issue is really good for is Snapper Carr burns. Batman really hates that guy.

And no wonder. He really is an annoying twerp.

Superman still has that bite on his arm, and it's bothering him. It's like Harry Potter's scar. It burns when evil is near:

Still fun, still exciting. I recommend. If you read only one 52/Countdown tie-in, make it this one. Or Black Adam.

But Black Adam doesn't give you this:

Justice Society of America #10

I re-read Kingdom Come this week in preparation for this issue. Every time I read that thing I notice something new.

So Kingdom Come Superman shows up, and he's all "When Kingdom Come, you ready? Not only NYC, I'm hip-hop's saviour, so after this flow you might owe me a favour."

This was great. I loved Starman's interaction with Kingdom Come Superman:

Ha! All out of the colour yellow! Man, I love that guy.

This Superman likes to talk a lot about regret and failure and mistakes and tragedy. And he does, for a really long time. Then he decides to up and leave, which results in a JSA dogpile:

Superman impresses me by overcoming Starman's gravitational powers:

There's tough, and then there's that. Well done, sad Superman.

Daredevil Annual #1


Man, this was so fantastic. I love annuals, and I love Daredevil, so I was expecting greatness. This went above and beyond. Totally my pick of the week.

The thing about Annuals is that it usually involves a guest artist, and sometimes a guest writer. Or it's several short stories. This was a Brubaker story, with an Ande Parks script and Leandro Fernandez doing pencils. My only worry going into this was "Well, after all the Brubaker/Lark issues, this might be disappointing." NOPE.

This comic was amazing. It opens with Daredevil struggling to fight off some Yakuza boys. He's struggling because he has the flu, which he continues to have for the remainder of the issue.

Now the cool thing about giving Daredevil the flu is that it messes with his heightened senses. He can't smell anything, and his congested head and his high fever are making things very difficult. So he's making lots of mistakes. Painful mistakes:

The art is beautiful, as you can see. No need to miss Lark on this book.

I liked how Matt slinks off after the fight to go pass out:

That's not what that's for, Matt.

So yeah, sick Daredevil. Very interesting, and kind of cute:

Aw, who needs soup?

Mainly, though, this is a story about Carlos LaMuerto, aka Black Tarantula. He has just been released from prison on parole. He got along well with Matt in jail, and he looks him up on the outside. Matt gives him a job at the firm, helping Dakota. Dakota is not into working with a violent ex-con. Carlos is not into her attitude:

LaMuerta gets frustrated by the uselessness of the legal process when it comes to actually helping people in the neighborhood. He takes things into his own hands, but with good intentions. Even so, Matt doesn't want to see Carlos go back to his old ways. He offers him a chance to suit up as Black Tarantula and help him fight the Yakuza. It works well, because Matt still isn't at 100%:

I love that scene.

Unfortunately, Carlos can't restrain himself from using extreme violence, except now he wants to clean up Hell's Kitchen, rather than run it. He feels responsible for a lot of the damage done to the neighborhood, and sets about making things right. Which involves killing a lot of bad people.

Matt is, needless to say, disappointed.

Like I said, this is a great comic, and it's extra-long. Do read it.

Countdown to Adventure #3

This issue opens with Buddy's son, Cliff, going nuts and attacking Kory with a knife. It's pretty intense:

Cliff is just one of many people all over the place to be infected with something that makes them worship Lady Styx. People are trying to kill each other everywhere.

In the middle of all this, Ellen is concerned about her marriage. She asks Buddy the question that's been on her mind ever since the scantily-clad space princess arrived at their door:

Sadly, this is all Buddy has to say for himself:

Ouch.

The Adam Strange Pages are all really great. I like his narration. He's tough.

I can't read the Forerunner back-ups at all. They make me sleepy.

Death of the New Gods #2

I finally got to read #1 this week. The store sold out of it pretty quickly. It's a pretty good series so far, even if poor Barda has been killed off.

Here's the JLA at the murder scene:

Here's what I like about this page:

1. Red Arrow isn't doing anything. He's just chilling, and looking as cool as possible.
2. Superman is like "Uh, what's Vixen doing exactly? Looking for cookies?"
3. Barda's outline, while not supposed to be funny, kind of is.

In the next panel Red Arrow has apparently removed his shirt. I approve:

I like it when colouring errors work in my favour.

I also like that Hal is talking like Batman. And Black Lightning is being a little inappropriate. "Are you sure she's in here? It's kinda light. I mean, she is Big Barda, right?"

Mr Miracle changes his clothes:

Poor guy. Sniff.

Superman accompanies him back to New Genesis with Barda's body. Orion takes one look at Superman and loses it. Man, that guy is just angry all the time.

Ooooo...you did NOT go there, Superman.

Unfortunately, he did. And this means a pointless fight between the two of them for the next few pages:

Yikes!

It lasts until Metron shows up. Then Orion wants to fight him.

Orion, you have got to chill, bro. You can't just beat up everyone who stops by. In three successive panels Orion is like "I'm gonna kill you, Superman! No, I'm going to kill YOU, Metron! No! I'm going to kill Darkseid!" It's exhausting being Orion. "Milkman! I'll kill you!"

I'm going to wrap it up there. And other comics can be discussed in the comments. Like the giant heaps of comics that count down to various things. But not that X-Men Messiah stuff. I don't read that.

This Week's Haul: Featuring That Guy From the Cover of Action Comics #1

Well, what a surprise. This week the reviews are late again. But this time it wasn't my fault! For some reason I am having a hell of a time uploading photos to Blogger. I don't know if that's my internet connection's fault, or Blogger, but it certainly is slowing me down.

Let's get down to it:

Action Comics # 857

Y'know, it really doesn't get much more fun than this.

The Bizarro Justice League showed up at the end of the last issue, and I could not wait to see more of them. I was not disappointed. Check out Bizarro Batman:

And Bizarro Green Lantern:

Oh man, I hope he shows up in Sinestro Corps.

Bizarro is able to use his "Bizarro Vision" to make more Bizarros. So he makes more league members, which is awesome:

That Green Arrow kills me. I kept that second panel on there because I love Lex's sinister, backwards "Hello."

Superman develops a new power: "Superman Vision," which gives Pa Kent super powers. It's great:

I really loved the reaction of the Bizarro citizens of Metropolis when Superman goes about fixing up their city:

Especially that guy with the noose. So great.

The art, of course, was beautiful and hilarious throughout the book. This issue ends Eric Powell's run, which is sad. I am really looking forward to the Gary Frank run that starts next week, though.

Here's a parting shot of Bizarro Action Comics #1:

Fabulous.

Superman #669

Although I feel that Busiek's run on Superman has been largely underrated, mostly due to the tall shadow cast by All-Star Superman, I just cannot bring myself to care about this storyline.

Who Is The Third Kryptonian? Well, there are three right there on the cover. Oh, you mean besides them. And Power Girl. And, like, the dead Supergirl. And Zod. And the rest.

Also, the third Kryptonian, as it turns out, is someone I have never heard of and don't care about. So there is really no excuse for this hideous cover. I mean, she seems like a cool lady and everything, but...with all the cool stuff going on in the DCU right now, I just cannot possibly care about this.

Superman/Batman #41

This comic will make fanfic writers blush. It's just so damn porny. And I'm not just talking about the cover. Which I COULD be.

So last we left our heroes, Superman was being controlled by Darkseid and Batman was really, really horny. This is thanks to Orion's slutty wife, Bekka.

As it turns out, she has this curse where men are uncontrollably attracted to her, and she feels the same way toward them. The sadder the men are inside, the stronger the connection, thus Orion and now Batman. Plus, she doesn't really wear any clothes, so that can't help. If she really didn't want this to keep happening, she might try a sweatsuit. Or a Mayor McCheese costume or something. Anyway, she has poor Batman in her clutches. He reminds us that he is "aroused beyond all reason" (!!!) in her presence. She says that the only cure...is doin' it. For real.

When she gets that feeling, she needs sexual healing.

*snort* "I haven't felt a heart as hardened as his until I met you." Uh, say what?

Oh poor Batman. The only way he can solve his problems is to nail that beautiful woman. Batman's all "Well, alright then...NO! No I can't!" Frankly I don't see why not. Just get it done and move on. I'm tired of hearing about it.

But Batman is noble and exercises self-discipline, as usual. The result is that Bekka gets herself killed.

Wow. I think that basically counts as a refridgerator, right?

Batman can't solve all his problems by sexing them. He still needs to find Superman. I guess we'll resolve that in the next issue.

Let's get to the good stuff. Superman is experiencing a semi-dream state where his life is flashing before his eyes. All sorts of crazy characters from the past are popping up. It's great! Check it out:

Love that Starro!

But wait, it gets better:

Yeah, that's right. More than one reference to that guy from the cover of Action #1 in the same week! Also...Zebra Batman!

And look at what Superman is wearing! Customized hospital gown!!! So cute!

I think this story wraps up in the next issue. Then the guy who is writing the current TERRIBLE arc on Batman Confidential is taking over for another unnecessarily long six-issue story. So it continues to not look good for this series.

So, this was a pretty ridiculous issue. The best part was probably when American Idol judge Randy Jackson sneaked up on Desaad:

Teen Titans #52

Teen Titans is now officially a better book than JLA. Crazy times we live in.

Two issues in, I am saying right now that Sean McKeever is going to rock this thing. I already love the way he writes all of the characters, and jumping right into this crazy story that features the current JLA and future versions of the Titans themselves is fantastic fun. Thumbs up.

I mean, just look at this page! Solid gold:

And this is the last page:

Last issue ended with Robin pointing a gun at his own head, and this month we get this. Not bad, McKeever. Not bad.

I've added this title to my pull list, and I don't think I've ever had it on there before. Teens!

Green Lantern Corps #17

That is one of the busiest covers I have ever seen in my life. Ask me tomorrow what is on the cover of this week's Green Lantern Corps. I will say "I don't remember. A big mess?"

Inside, the battle between good and evil rages...at a molasses pace. How many times have we been told "Lethal Force Activated," or, "They're heading for New York City"?

Anyway, the important thing is that Kilawog crushes a guy with an AIRCRAFT CARRIER:

And Sodam Yat (aka - So Damn Hot) gets a promotion:

And a terrible new haircut.

Next up: Ion vs Superman Prime!

Tales of the Sinestro Corps: Superman Prime

I wasn't so hot for the first two Tales of the Sinestro Corps comics, but when I saw that Geoff Johns was writing this one, I picked it up.

And I'm glad I did. Superboy(man?) Prime is just a really fun villain because he is so damn childish. I have really been enjoying him througout Sinestro Corps, as I did during Infinite Crisis. Johns clearly loves writing him.

SB Prime visits the Bart Allan memorial, and is a total dick:

Beyond this, though, we get a really nice back story for this notorious guy. One that actually makes you feel sorry for him. More importantly, we get a very clear and easy-to-understand origin story, and I applaud everyone involved for that alone.

Man, that kid is messed up.

Blue Beetle #20

I'm just going to say it: this issue really confused me.

I love this series, and I love the Sinestro Corps cross-over, but this just did not work for me.

Basically Peacemaker gets turned into this guy, thanks to a combination of a scarab and a Sinestro Corps ring:

And Blue Beetle has to fight him. I guess that's pretty straightforward, but I was still confused.

Some of the GL Corps show up, which is entertaining:

Oh, and Peacemaker dies at the end. It's sad. And sudden.

I enjoyed Jaime more in Teen Titans this week than in his own title.

Green Arrow Year One #6

And thus ends a very excellent mini-series. Well done, guys.

Not only is this a gritty and exciting read with fantastic art, it gives a very believable origin story for Green Arrow. Not that I require realism in my origin stories, but for someone like Green Arrow, whose abilities start and stop with being really good at shooting arrows, it's kinda nice.

He's totally badass and tough, which makes us see what Black Canary sees in the guy:

Also badass, a pregnant lady with a machine gun:

I could have lived without the Oliver-delivering-a-baby scene at the end, but whatever.

X-Men First Class #5

Hey, it's my new favourite comic!

This time they run into the Hulk, with hilarious results:

This has a nice little Hulk origin, which is one of the great things about this series. New readers can learn about other Marvel characters as the first class of the X-Men run into them for the first time. It's brilliant.

There are some really great Hulk facial expressions in this issue. The art, as usual, is great:

And Angel, as usual, is very funny:

I guess what I mean is, Jeff Parker, as usual, is very funny.

And if that's not enough, there's another adorable Colleen Coover back-up in this issue. I will show you the first panel, because that will be enough to hook you:

If you aren't reading this comic, you're a damn fool. Add it to your pull list right now.

The Flash #233


Wally totally throws down in this issue. It's awesome. The rest of the JLA shows up at his house for a little group intervention. They are concerned about the way Wally is leading his kids into battle:

Wally's like "Hey, I have an idea: shut up!" He thinks they are trying to physically take his kids away. Which is understandable, based on Superman's choice of words. Roy sets him straight, and then Wally totally serves Batman:

Ohhhhh snap, Wally!

Then Wally and Linda explain their reasoning, which is pretty solid. It certainly shuts the JLA up, anyway:

I love how Batman's all "Ok, cool, my bad," and backs away slowly.

That's a nice group hug.

Daredevil #101

Man, this was so, so depressing. And awesome.

Milla's in a prison hospital after killing someone she pushed into an oncoming subway car. Matt Murdock is looking very tired and haggard, which can be owed to the fact that he spends his days fighting his wife's case, and his nights beating the holy hell out of criminals while trying to find Mr Fear. Fear is responsible for Milla's drug-induced insanity, and Matt gonna make him pay.

But until then, he's gonna brood like a pro.

Good thing Dakota is totally rad and isn't gonna take it. This scene is really satisfying:

I love that. "Duh, you're Daredevil. Just break into her room and be with her, dummy."

So he does. And it's heartbreakingly sweet:

I love this series so much, and I love Daredevil so much as a character, but he's such a train wreck. We know that he doesn't even really love Milla that much, but he just needs to be passionate about something every single moment of his life. He doesn't need to be with her, he just needs to care about something. This is a real downer of a comic book. And I love it.

Alright, that's all the comics I can stand to review. This photo uploading thing is super annoying. Hopefully it will go smoother next time.