Adscape 1: Captain Tootsie vs Nature

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Oh how I enjoy the advertising mascots of the past, with their one-page adventures and monomaniacal outlook on life ("Only Grape Nuts can effectively stop those robbers, Timmy!") and so: Adscape, a place to discuss ads of the past.

Today, the first of what will probably end up being five or six looks at former Tootsie Roll mascot Captain Tootsie, the man who knows that a brief sugar rush is just the thing for any emergency. Specifically, we'll be looking at the Captain's troubling relationship with the beasts of the forest.

Here we find Captain Tootsie in the woods with the group of young children that constituted his Secret Legion of minor crime-fighters. Suddenly, an old man dressed like an 1800s frontiersman bursts into their campsite and tells them that there's a killer bear on the loose. Shortly thereafter, there's a disturbance at the local girls' camp - turns  out that the bear has stolen some food. Captain Tootsie has a couple of Tootsie Rolls for quick energy and then:

Bear: gunned down. Candy: distributed. Mountain Man: impressed.

I'm all for respecting the opinions of the elderly and the marginally insane, but did this bear - this fleeing bear - just die because Coon Tail Charlie called it a killer? Because the bear only really gets up to two things in this ad, stealing food and growling, and I'm pretty sure that those are half of a bear's job description, along with swiping salmon out of streams and riding the occasional tiny motorcycle. I guess that it's somewhat possible that Charlie had a scrapbook full of mauling-related newspaper clippings with him, but as far as I can tell this is a case of the good Captain really wanting to hang a large animal from a tree.

Another day, another camping trip. Oops, a rattlesnake. What's a Captain to do?

That's right, it's the old rock-to-the-brain maneuver.I guess that I'm not condemning this as much as I do the wanton bear-slaughter above. Rattlesnakes plus children often ends in tears after all. Still, this is a bit of a troubling pattern that is emerging (especially taking into account Tootsie's ability to capture a similar snake using only a stick, seen in the latter part of the same ad).

What really cements my opinion that Cap Toots should just stick to the cities and leave the fauna alone is this next one:

Another day, another nature hike. Note that they have not seen a bear. They have found fresh tracks and Captain Tootsie doesn't have a gun. What to do? Rapidly retreat in the opposite direction?

Not a chance.

Yup, that's right. Captain Tootsie hates nature so much that when he found himself without a way to kill a bear, he went out of his way to make sure that it was deprived of its freedom. They spent hours on that pit, folks. They could have been two counties over if Cap hadn't insisted.

And he does it all while staying on-message.

Truly a complex and fascinating man, Captain Tootsie.

Here, by the way, are the original ads: 1 2 3

This Week's Haul: Brand New Day

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Blah. I had an 8.5 hour operations management class today. My brain is fried. Time for comics!

The Amazing Spider-Man #546

I LOVED THIS!

One More Day was terrible beyond words. It was actually a giant insult to comic readers everywhere, as far as I'm concerned. But this issue of the all-new Spider-Man was excellent. Peter Parker is a lovable loser, it's funny, he has a secret identity, he's friends with Harry Osborne, he's single, he's broke...it's great.

Scenes like this one, where Peter is looking for a job, are so enjoyable:

Oh, Spider-Man. It's so nice to laugh out loud while reading your comics, and know that the writer wants me to.

So while One More Day was just awful, at least it led to this. Even if it took the laziest route possible.

Now if I could just think about this comic without getting that damn Sting song in my head.

Green Lantern Corps #20

I loved this because it TOTALLY sounded like Guy and Kyle decided to get married.

They have, in fact, decided to move to Oa together. And Guy is going to open a bar there! I think this is a fun development.

I love how Hal and John are all "Wow, that's a big decision. Are you guys sure? When did you decide this?" Totally sounds like they're getting married.

Hee!

Green Arrow/Black Canary #4

This issue was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I mean, obviously it looked fantastic. Chiang's art is so good that it can even make scenes as goofy as this one look amazing:

The hero who is panicking and yelling at everyone because a loved one is on the brink of death story line is nothing new, but there was something extra touching about Ollie losing it on everyone over Connor. Especially when Hal got there.

Awwwww.

And then Black Lightning makes a fairly sensible observation:

I would think that, being a member of Meltzer's Justice League, he wouldn't even notice that anymore.

Wally's comment here confused me:

Arthur is in the water? Really? Where? What's his status? I thought he was dead. Or whatever.

So Connor isn't dead. But he is brain dead. You can still be hot when you're brain dead right?

Nightwing #140

Saaaay...this was good! Rags Morales serves up some great-looking art, and Tomasi gives us a story that's kinda like Nightwing: Brand New Day.

Nightwing is making some changes. He's making an HQ for himself in New York, for one:

Look at how nice that art is!

I loved this meeting between Batman and the two boys about family always coming first:

Oh, Batman.

The Nightwing title has a long, proud tradition of being very boring, but I really liked this issue. I look forward to more!

Marvel Adventures Hulk #7

This was totally awesome as always. I know there was that other big Hulk comic out this week, but I would advise everyone to buy this one instead. I mean, if you like Hulk. Like, regular Hulk being Hulk. But maybe you guys aren't interested in fun adventure stories full of the greatest Marvel characters. Maybe you want Hulk to be red.

I mean, check this out: Bruce Banner wants to step in and help out the Silver Surfer, so he asks Rick to punch him. Rick refuses. Hilarity ensues:

Jeph Loeb can't write funny like that, people!

Superman #672


All I want to say about this is that I hate insects. They are gross.

Ew.

The Spirit #12

Ohhhhhhhh...why did this have to be so good? The last Spirit comic by Darwyn Cooke and J. Bone and it was so damn perfect that now I'm all upset.

Why does this have to end but Marvel Zombies continues?! It's not fair!

I want a Cooke-designed Spirit action figure. Anyone else?

Scalped #13


This is the first issue of a new arc and it was AWESOME. I think this might be the best storyline yet. Although, really it is all one long storyline. I hope everyone is reading this series by now. You can buy the first trade with a money back guarantee! Do it! (I'll bet they get exactly zero books back from unsatisfied customers).

Teen Titans Lost Annual

Oh man. Bob Haney + Jay Stephens + Team Allred + JFK = the best.

I am pretty vocal about my love for the late, great Bob Haney. Nobody can write insanity like that man could. Sadly, he never got to see this comic before he died. Happily, the rest of us have finally gotten that opportunity.

JFK is kidnapped by aliens who believe his leadership skills will help them win a war on their planet. He is replaced by a shape-shifting alien. Robin notices. The Titans go to the distant planet to help win the war so the president can return to Earth. While all this is going on, the president is assassinated...on Earth...as in, it's actually the shape shifter who is famously killed, not the real JFK. The real Kennedy decides that the shock of revealing that he is actually still alive would be too much for Earth to handle (??!!...so his wife and son can just deal with the loss, I guess). He decides to return to the far away planet, where he continues to live happily.

Bob Haney is the greatest writer of all time. And this panel alone proves it:

Yeah, that's definitive Haney right there.

The art looks really great. The cover is beautiful. There's a lovely Nick Cardy sketchbook in the back.

Showcase Presents Robin The Boy Wonder

Trust me. You want this. If you don't own it you are missing out on heartwarming classic tales like this one:

Ha Ha! Good luck, boys!

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Good news, everyone! I have found the perfect wedding cake!

And they make cupcakes too! Which are more fashionable these days.