Wolverine Week: Lookin' at Merch!

Wolverine is one of Marvel's most popular characters, and he has appeared in three movies, with a fourth hitting theatres this week. He has also appeared in several animated series. What all this means is that there is a lot of Wolverine merchandise floating around out there, and it's not all awesome. Join me as I wade through it.

This is the official X-Men Origins: Wolverine electronic claw. It seems to be a pretty hot item right now. But it does not look safe. When you flick your wrist the claws come out, which actually is pretty rad. I did some digging and found a number of Wolverine claw products for children, and this one is definitely the best. I mean, check this lame thing out:

Laaaaaaaaame. Those are long lady gloves with plastic claws glued on. I thought that this was the sad welfare version of Wolverine claws, until I saw this:

A rubber band with nails on it?! What the hell is that thing? But it's hard to fault this product because that kid on the package RULES. I encourage you to click on the image to view the larger size.

But it isn't all claws in the world of Wolverine merchandising! Sometimes you need to get sexy.

Y'know, I have never thought "I'll bet Wolverine smells pretty good." Of all the superheroes who SHOULDN'T have their own cologne, I would say that Wolverine is maybe sitting just on top of Solomon Grundy. And that guy's dead.

I thought this Wolverine/Transformer hybrid was pretty much the stupidest thing I've ever seen:

Until I saw this Mega Bloks Wolverine robot:

There is just no reason for these things to exist.

I'll tell you what ARE awesome, though: Wolverine party supplies!

Alright! Awesome!!! And I am charmed by these thank-you cards not only because of the idea of a Wolverine thank-you card, but because it's charming to think of kids sending thank-you cards to their party guests. Good etiquette, kids!

I just want to bring this Weapon X action figure from the new movie to everyone's attention:

What in the crazy fetish toy is this? In-sane.

Oh, dad.

And finally, don't wear this. Not anyone. Not ever:

So, in conclusion, weigh your options carefully when you are making a decision about how best to spend the money you have saved in the Wolverine Merchandise Fund.