Fun With Romance Comics: Two Awful Girls for Every Dumbass Boy!

The first story in Heart Throbs #119 has all the ingredients for a great romance comic: tears! A girl fight! An oblivious and/or douchey guy!  A romantic misunderstanding! Oh, and girl with must be a debilitating neck injury.

What exactly is going on here? It's sort of like that unfortunate pose we see so often with female superheros where both the T&A are facing forward.

Anyway, our story: Gwen has always lived in the shadow of her much hotter friend, Janice.

Gwen's okay, but Janice has what all boys in the 60s went for: cold, dead eyes that say "I'm barely even alive."

Janice gets a ton of dates, but she throws a dude bone Gwen's way so they can double date. 'Cause it's super awkward for a couple to make out alone. We all need pals groping each other, within arms reach of us, if we want to relax.

When Gwen and Janice head to summer camp together, they both meet the boy of their dreams, Bruce.

 

I think we're using the term "boy" loosely here, because Bruce looks about 40.

Also, "summer camp" seems to consist of one long dance party by the lake.

Bruce, of course likes a straight spine, and seems to be all about Janice. And Gwen's all tears and crazy contortionist neck.

 

I'm beginning to think Gwen can't get a date because she's always crying. Wallowing in self pity is even less attractive than short, brittle nails, Gwen! 

When Bruce says Janice is pretty, Gwen throws a fit. Just when she's about stab Janice and see if she even bleeds, Bruce busts in.

Gwen heard the first part, when Bruce said Janice was one of the prettiest girls he's ever seen, but not the second part—he loves Gwen. Uh, sure. I still think Bruce fancies himself an Archie and was hoping for both ladies.  Anyway, let's just hope Bruce's medical plan has chiropractic coverage.