Everyone thinks that they know a lot about dinosaurs, but recent spot checks of citizens’ dino-knowledge has revealed a shocking lack of basic information. More troubling still is the prevalence of dino-untruths. That’s why Task Force X, the government’s Top Secret last line of defence and general-purpose four-person suicide squad, want to educate you, today.

Here’s a commonly-held belief:

Makes sense, doesn’t it? Well, too bad, because it’s totally wrong.

Thanks to recently-unearthed spaceships, we now know that dinosaurs [love] robots. When given its choice of toy, a dinosaur will choose a robot over a brightly-coloured ball or piece of string eight times out of ten.

Another bit of dino-folk-wisdom that rings false when exposed to the cold hard light of fact is that any dinosaur introduced into our world would be without natural predators and thus be unstoppable. The pterodactyl, below, has gone mad with power and is preparing to devour a whale:

In reality, the grand old dame that is Mother Nature would quickly provide a foil to the dinosaurs’ hubris – new species would soon step forward to keep the thunder lizard population in check. In the case of the pterodactyl, scientific projections have determined that their natural predator would be:

…the stately and majestic jet plane.

Still other problems can be caused by too-dogged adherence to seemingly established dino-theories. Such theories are far too numerous to refute individually, but can include:

The belief that dinosaurs died out and did not at all move underground and evolve into nigh-invulnerable giant snakes.

That some dinosaurs were not in fact capable of interstellar flight.

That no dinosaur actually resembled a larger version of a contemporary lizard, despite the claims of B movie directors.

That dinosaurs do not want our women.

Finally, Task Force X wants to let everyone know that there is a simple and effective way to combat dinosaurs.

Grenades, grenades, grenades! When it comes to dinosaurs, grenade first, ask questions later.

Next time: Task Force X teaches you about Workplace Gender Relations!

Summer in Paris! Task Force X, the celebrated Suicide Squad, are enjoying their first vacation in months, when suddenly:

An assignment! Children, it seems are unaware of the dangers inherent in common grocery-style plastic bags! Our heroes spring into action!

Demonstrating the quick thinking that has made them the toast of the civilized nations, the Squad quickly commandeered a gigantic helicopter and headed toward the nearby and snake-infested Eiffel Tower.

And then: deployment! Jess Bright, Dr. Hugh Evans and Squad leader Rick Flag manage to hold their love for teammate Karin Grace in check long enough to guide a gigantic plastic bag over the head of the similarly gigantic snake! But will it hold long enough to teach the children of the world a lesson?

Yes, desperation lends strength to their hands as they cling to sweat-slickened ropes! Will it hold? Will it?

Every television camera in the city is focused on this dramatic scene! Across the planet, millions of children pause, their heads mere inches from plunging into the depths of smothering, petroleum-derived funeral shrouds, their very future hinging on the outcome of this titanic battle between the forces of Man and Nature!

Finally, incredibly, the beast falls! Pudgy hands the around the globe lift plastic sacks from about their ears and dash off for a celebratory snack of paint chips! Task Force X has done it again! Yet more laurels are heaped upon their brows, until they can scarcely lift their heads!

Truly, this is a Golden Age, when such men and women are so dedicated to public service.