Free Comic Book Day Previews

I went to a screening of Conan the Barbarian instead of reading the comics I bought this week. My reviews will be up tomorrow.

In the meantime I got my husband to read this year's Free Comic Book Day comics and write little reviews for some of them. Free Comic Book Day is, of course, this Saturday. I hope these reviews get you excited for what's going to be available this year. FREE!

So here's what Matt thought:

Comics Festival - This is a delightful and varied collection which made me hungry (food seemed to be a recurring theme) and made me laugh a lot. Is this the first printed appearance of Kate Beaton's comics? Please give her more awards.

[Rachelle's note: Comics Festival is an annual FCBD collection of Canadian cartoonists! This one features fantastic comics by LBW faves like Faith Erin Hicks and Steve Rolston!].

Archie - This issue seems like a pretty solid concept, where the Riverdale gang appears in various historical or fairytale themed stories. Two of the fantasies seem to pair up Betty and Archie in marriage, but the finale brings us back to the classic situation (Veronica and Betty implausibly fighting over him). The Archie gang are still just as corny as ever, which is strangely comforting. 

[Rachelle's note: the Archie gang was never corny].

G.I. Joe - I never really got into this macho nonsense and gear fetish when I was 13, so it's not winning me over in my thirties either. The Transformers comic was slightly better, but boring. Just an extended fight scene in bright colours.

[Rachelle's note: agreed].

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Now we're talking! It's a genuine treat to re-encounter this group in it's original, undiluted form. Way more emphasis on martial arts than the pizza and skateboards that would eventually flavour the kid version of this franchise. The humans look kind of weird and creepy in this drawing style, but the Turtles look super cool! I can actually see this encouraging me to pick up some more of this classic tale.

[Rachelle's note: this is a reprint of the first issue of TMNT. And it is a lot of comic for zero money!]

Alien/Predator - I was kind of into the Aliens half of this comic. It seemed a clever setup, and very sci-fi / historical. Then I got to Predator and the comic was all 'BLAM!' 'BLAM!' 'SHKOW!' 'SHAKOOM!' and I got kind of grossed out and felt like I wasn't really macho enough to read it. Not my cup of tea.

[Rachelle's note: Matt is not very macho].

Free Comic Book Day (Dark Horse) The Star Wars Clone Wars is pretty harmless kid's stuff. I think these characters maybe look better in a comic than in CGI but I gather the kids today enjoy those movies too. Usagi Yojimbo was a fun introductory tale - I read a little of this comic in the nineties, though over someone's shoulders on a bus! I may seek some more of this out (again with the anthropomorphic animals!) Emily The Strange was a little weird - it's like someone's T-shirt started talking at me. Bean town was actually intriguing - it's almost like Marc Bell went commercial and made a trippy cartoon for kids. Indiana Jones was cute!

[Rachelle's note: I love that Matt's idea of reading a comic "a little" is reading it over someone's shoulder on a bus].

Wolverine - This was pretty fun, and heavy on the Canadian content. The premise is Wolverine's first official mission, discovering that a small New Brunswick town has been converted to some kind of robotic metallic compound. Lots of one liners, and the way the robotic creatures communicated was well done.

[Rachelle's note: New Brunswick is thick with robots].

Thanks Matt! Go to your local shops on Saturday, everyone! And if you live in Halifax, come to Strange Adventures!!!

John Buys Comics During Wolverine Week

Hello all. It's me, Johnathan, with the Wolverine Week edition of John Buys Comics. Uh, it turns out that I didn't buy any comics that feature Wolverine this week, so instead I'll be adding a bit at the end of each review that highlights any particularly Wolverine-reminiscent aspects of the comics involved. Yeah! Thematic!

Nevermore No. 1

This might be properly titled Dean Koontz's Nevermore, but the copy I have here omits the "'s" part, so I have no idea. Maybe they thought that it was too mid-Nineties of them to call it that, or maybe they didn't want to step on American McGee's toes.

I have to admit that I've never read anything by Dean Koontz. Not for any good reason, just an instinctual avoidance of books where the author's name is as or more prominent than the title (elitist! cries my inner agitator). My girlfriend says that she found him readable at age fourteen, so I'll use that as my opinion until I find some way to form my own.

Anyway, this is a decent comic. As you may have guessed from the multi-globed cover there''s some pan-dimensional travel involved and I'm a fan of that sort of thing. It's handled pretty well... not as well as that episode of Star Trek with Evil Goatee Spock but as well as the average episode of Sliders. As you can see, there are no super-hero-esque costumes, so I had to identify the characters as Big White Guy, Big Black Guy, Bigger White Guy, Little White Guy and The Girl. So it takes me two or three issues to learn the characters' names, so sue me.

Wolverine Moment: All of the characters get a chance to talk tough on page one. Little White Guy is the toughest but The Girl and Big White Guy get the best lines.

Mister Universe (One-shot)

 I must admit to some confusion.

I read Mister Universe. I liked the art, I enjoyed the dialogue, etc, etc. I don't have any sort of idea, though, what the thesis of this comic is supposed to be.

The plot concerns a teenage(?) boy who enjoys comics. A lot. He likes them enough that his parents are concerned for his sanity and call in the shrinks. But are they wrong to begrudge him his imaginative refuge? Is he a mental defective for his devotion to the titular Mister Universe? I haven't a clue. I'm tempted to say that the kid is the one in the right because he lives in a comic book but then again this isn't 1963 and it's perfectly possible to write a comic book that attacks the process of reading super-hero comics.

Bah. I don't know. I liked this book on one level but it didn't even leave me with enough information to make up my own mind. It was just some story, I don't know.

Wolverine Moment: Precipitated a Very Serious Discussion about the role of mind-bending drugs in medicine with my girlfriend, much like the talks I used to have with my friend Todd over whether a true super-hero would kill (Wolverine, Punisher examples).

Conan the Cimmerian No. 10

Seeing as how I managed to mention Robert E. Howard in each of my last two posts I figured that it was time to pick up a Conan comic and see how they were doing with the old fellow. Turns out I snagged a comic that takes place smack dab in the midst of a story arc, and one based on one of my favourite Conan yarns, "Black Colossus".

I think that I might like this comic more if I hadn't read the original story. By which I mean that I like the originals enough that an adaptation can't really hope to compete - new Conan stories would be more well-received by my brain than adapted ones unless the adaptation is flawless.

That said, this is a pretty decent book. The art is good, with Conan's facial expressions being a high point. Also, he has his own speech balloon style. Negative points for the absence of giant snakes, without which a Conan story just doesn't seem complete.

Bonus! a "Two-Gun Bob" comic about the life of Robert E. Howard! I thought I'd seen the last of these (excellent) things after the end of the (excellent) Solomon Kane series!

Wolverine Moment: Conan chops off some dude's fingers for stealing a drumstick off of his roast... lizard? rat? squirrel? Beast.

Mr. Stuffins No. 1

I heard about this a couple of months ago and thought “A teddy bear secret agent, eh? This is either going to be pretty awesome or pretty terrible.” Turns out: pretty awesome!

Exactly how a teddy bear secret agent comes to be is a bit of a plot point, so I won’t spoil. There aren’t anthropomorphic toys everywhere or anything like that, not that that wouldn’t make for a decent comic if done right, like a technothriller version of Kingdom of the Wicked.

Actually, I’m having trouble thinking of things that happened in this book that I can talk about without spoiling, so I’ll just say that the characterization is excellent. Kids: well-written. Parents: well-written. Bullies, rebellious teens, villains: check check check.

Wolverine Moment: Mr. Stuffins and Wolvie have a lot in common. This bear wishes that he had adamantium claws. He interrogates a pink bunny and you know that he’d be doing that thing that Wolverine does with his fist under a guy’s chin, where he talks about decanting his claws into the guy’s head? You know the thing I mean - he’d be doing that.

Battle for the Cowl: The Underground

Huh. This is an interestingly in-betweeney installment in the saga of the cowl-battling. It’s kind of one of those “state of Gotham” comics that I was whining about last week but manages to tie into the actual plot more than, say, the Man-Bat story did.

This issue deals with the seamy underbelly of Gotham City; it checks in on all of the gangs and the random criminals and such. Black Mask and Two-Face and the Penguin are all going at it tooth and nail while everyone tries to figure out how Black Mask managed to cheat death or if it’s a totally different guy under there. Actually, I’m wondering less about that and more about when Harvey Dent is going to put on that Two-Faced Batman costume from the promo ad. Probably soon, as he’s acting pretty crazy.

The homicidal Batman puts in an appearance, guns a-blazin' but his aim isn’t very good - at least this guy has a better costume than Azrael-Batman did back in the day. And speaking of good costumes, the Riddler is in this one! He gets tasked to track down Black Mask by the Penguin and basically sets up Gotham Sirens while doing so. I like this good-guy detective Riddler, especially as compared to the super-homicidal version that was running around a few years ago. I lied about the costume though - this is one of the worst suits I’ve ever seen him in.

Wolverine Moment: There’s a lot of car-smashing in this comic. I seem to associate Wolverine with vehicular collateral damage.

The Muppet Show Comic Book No. 2

This is a good comic and I am very happy about it. It’s always a bit wrenching when something you loved as a child (or later) is adapted into something awful but that didn't happen here, thank heavens. The Muppets are putting on a show, there are backstage hijinks interspersed with skits and such and that’s it. There’s no attempt to make the Muppets hip and trendy, no slavish devotion to the TV show’s guest star-centric format, funny jokes and Pigs in Space.

Man, there was nothing bad here: I wasn’t too sold on the comic’s version of Statler and Waldorf in the first issue but this one clinched it - I suppose that constant heckling is harder to work into a comic format, which I can understand. Fozzie has a crisis of faith in his abilities and ends up telling one of the best Shakespeare jokes ever. Rolf looks absolutely adorable.

Wolverine Moment: Waldorf has a dark secret! From his mystery-shrouded past!

Superman No. 687

I sorted through this week’s stack of comics at my girlfriend’s house, which is why she keeps coming up this week. She offered up all kinds of helpful commentary, mostly along the lines of “Yep, the women are pretty busty in this one too.” This comic caught her eye, though, as Superman is pretty much the only super-hero that she has anything invested in, so I got to explain that Superman wasn’t actually in the comic with his name on the cover and that it was nevertheless a good read. I don’t think that she bought it, but it turns out I was telling the truth. Much like what’s going on in all of those Battle for the Cowl books, this issue is sort of a rundown of what’s up in Metropolis now that Superman’s off being an army guy on New Krypton. Only in one issue instead of ten or fifteen one-shots.

Mon-El is still settling into his roles in the Science police and as Metropolis’ defender, Zatara is a dick and there are villains all over the place. Lots of promising groundwork was laid - here’s hoping it all pays off in future issues.

I was going to say that my favourite part of this issue was that the Untouchables showed up, because I love those guys, but I think it might be that cover. Check it out: there’s a tiny little reflection on the Guardian’s helmet in addition to the one on his shield. That makes me so happy for some reason.

Wolverine Moment: I’m pretty stumped here. Uh, the Guardian is really old, just like Logan?

Sherlock Holmes No. 1

I love Sherlock Holmes, folks. Sherlock Holmes stories are terrific - I reread them every couple of years and don’t get tired of doing so. That said, it’s really easy to write him badly or only half-right. Like… that Brave and the Bold episode with him and the Demon. Holmes was too much of a dick and too sloppy with his deductions (not that I didn’t enjoy it - it was a cartoon, for heavens’ sake. It just wasn’t the best Holmes). Anyway, Leah Moore and John Reppion write a good consulting detective: not an ass but not given to social niceties, fond of Watson instead of browbeating him all the time, etc. For that matter, they write a good Watson: not stupid, just not a relentless deducting machine. The art (Aaron Campbell) is suitably lovely as well, though I’m a bit disappointed that Inspector Lastrade looks nothing like either a ferret or a bulldog.

And there’s a very compelling mystery! I am very intrigued! Hooray!

Wolverine Moment: Well, after all: Sherlock Holmes is the best there is at what he does.

Green Lantern No. 40

More Orange Lantern fun as the Guardians head into the Vega system. I must say that I like this Larfleeze as the reason for the Green Lantern Corps staying out of Vega - it always seemed like guys like the Citadel and the Spider Guild would have went down like a wet tissue if the Corps had stepped up.

But I went on about all of this Lantern stuff last week. I shan’t bore you with a repeat performance. In brief: we get to see a bit of how the Orange power works in this issue and I’m still interested. We’ve only got the Indigo Lanterns to go and there have been no duds yet - all of the various Corps have an individuality that both distinguishes them from one another and makes me want to read more about ‘em. There’s a Tale of the Orange Lanterns at the end of this book that was pretty fun - I swear, if DC started putting out a book that was just Tales of the Various Lantern Corps I’d buy it every month. Those things are a hoot.

Wolverine Moment: This is starting to get hard… okay: one of the Green Lanterns is totally defiant of authority, in a gruff way.

Final Crisis: Legion of 3 Worlds No 4 (of 5)

Hot damn! Took a while but this one was worth it, what with the super-duper concentrated Legion-ness on every page. Bart Allen is back, as of the end of the last issue, and kicking plenty of Superman/boy Prime ass. There’s lots of great interaction between the alternate versions of various Legionnaires, particularly the Brainiacs 5. Er, Brainiac 5s? Brainiac Fives? I’m kind of sad that the Legion of Super-Villains doesn’t get more face time but what can you do? It’s a bigger-than-average book already and filled with lotsa plot. Heck, there are two whole dramatic reveals, including one that makes me unsure about how I feel about (see Comments Section).

Once the last issue of this comes out (in August?) I’m going to read ‘em all again. I think that I’ve been losing some of the threads and also want to check whether it actually ties into the regular Final Crisis. This and Rogues’ Revenge were definitely my favourite parts of the whole event, in any case.

Wolverine Moment: I don't know, Timber Wolf? Probably Timber Wolf.

Was Superman a Spy?

Hey hey hey! This is a more-words-than-pictures-style book by Brian “Comic Book Legends Revealed” Cronin. I just bought it last night so I haven’t really gotten a chance to read it yet but I’ve been enjoying his bunking or debunking of the urban legends of the comic scene for a couple of years now and can’t imagine that the transition from computer  to paper will make the contents any less delightful. Plus, the back cover blurb claims that there are a passel of new legends inside, so hooray for that. I’m a big fan of buying the book form of things that I enjoy on the Internet. If the DCU version of Johnathan managed to avoid getting Anti-Life Equationed during Final Crisis when the Internet got infected then you can bet a dollar that he was reading some Perry Bible Fellowship or the like in convenient book form. And now this lovely (did I mention the cover? The cover is very nice) volume can go on his “in case of event-related interweb failure” bookshelf!

Wolverine Moment: As I said, I haven’t read most of it yet. Pages 143 to 159 are devoted to the X-Men, though, so I bet that it’s in there.

Wednesday Interview (Wolverine Week Edition): Steve McNiven

Wolverine Week continues here at Living Between Wednesdays, and our Wednesday Interview segment finds us chatting with Steve McNiven, currently hard at work on the Old Man Logan arc in the pages of Wolverine. The Halifax, Nova Scotia based artist first found fame drawing Meridian for CrossGen Comics, the company that launched the careers of other future Marvel superstars like Jimmy Cheung, Steve Epting, and Greg Land. Snapped up by Marvel, McNiven kicked off a new title, Marvel Knights 4, with writer Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa, followed up by the Ultimate Secret miniseries with Warren Ellis and a run on New Avengers with Brian Michael Bendis. In 2006, Steve and writer Mark Millar turned the Marvel Universe’s greatest heroes against each other in the Civil War miniseries, a landmark event that included the public unmasking of Spider-Man and led to the death of Captain America. Steve followed this up by collaborating with writer Dan Slott on the inaugural Brand New Day arc of Amazing Spider-Man, (which relaunched the title as a thrice-monthly series), and now he and Millar are collaborating again on Old Man Logan. This dark, frightening, storyline, set years into a possible future, sees a broken-down Logan who has vowed never to pop his claws again on a journey across a nightmarish America that has been conquered by the worst of the supervillains. Logan and his companion, a sightless Hawkeye, travel the country in the old Spider-Mobile, eluding the Mole Man’s Moloids, an all-new new Kingpin of Crime, and, oh yeah, a Dino-Venom.

Holy $#!% is right! Steve was able to tear himself away from the drawing table long enough to answer a few of our questions about his influences, his collaborators, and what it’s like to draw a world where the bad guys have won.

1. You’ve worked with fan fave Mark Millar twice now, on Civil War and the current Old Man Logan arc on Wolverine. What is it about this particular collaboration that works so well for you? Do you guys have plans for a third project together in the future?

I was talking to my Wolverine editor John Barber about this just the other day. I think Mark writes just the kind of script that makes it fun and challenging for me to draw. He tends to be a very visual writer and has a great flow from panel to panel so I don't find myself having to 'fix' anything to make the story work, and that means that I can concentrate on the fun stuff. But it's more than that, something I couldn't adequately define, a sensibility perhaps that we both share that allows us to work well together. I dunno, but I'm glad it's there because I have so much fun working on his stuff, maybe more than I should as I tend to savor the pages a bit too much and  get way behind on the schedule. He's also a real pro, and I've never had to wait for script from Mark, ever, and I count my blessings as it happens to so many other artist's that I've talked to. All in all I'm a pretty lucky guy.

2. Between the present-day crossover action of Civil War, the dark future Marvel Universe we’re currently seeing in Old Man Logan, and your runs on Marvel Knights 4 and Amazing Spider-Man, you’ve gotten to draw pretty much the entire Marvel Universe. Are there any other characters, or genres, even, that you’ve been dying to get your hands on?

 Yeah, I have drawn a bunch of the Marvel characters, but most not in any real depth, so there still are many characters out there to have some fun with. Really though I don't tend to chase characters. I chase the writers . A great writer can make almost any character compelling enough for me to want to work on. A terrible writer can ruin your enthusiasm , sap your strength and it shows on the page. But if I were to just look at the Marvel characters that I'd like to draw more of then I'd probably could have some fun with the X-Men, maybe the Hulk and definitely Spidey again because he's such a huge challenge to capture artistically and I don't think I've really got a good feel for him yet. Genre wise I'd love to do some Sci fi and Fantasy based stuff as I'm an avid book reader. If you haven't read anything by Alastair Reynolds, or Matthew Stover, do yourself a favor and go check them out.

3. Old Man Logan takes place in a dystopian future where the supervillains have conquered America and killed most of the good guys—pretty grim stuff. Additionally, it’s probably one of the most violent comics to come out of mainstream Marvel in quite a while. Do you ever find it tough to have to make some of the images in this series come to life?

Sometimes, yeah, it can be a bit challenging, but it's always a good thing to push yourself artistically, going places that may be uncomfortable or unsettling. Sometimes it can be a bit of a struggle but it's worth it if the final work helps to convey the story. You know, It's still a head scratcher as to why North Americans find graphic violence so palatable but overt sexuality is still off the menu so to speak. The grim and gritty is a hell of a lot of fun fun to draw for me. Post apocalyptic stuff has always held an appeal for me, from Blade Runner to Cormac McCarthy's The Road, there is a great chance in there to show some exciting visuals.

4. Who are some of the comic book artists who inspired you to start drawing in the first place, and which current artists are you following these days?

Well, all the artists  that I worked with down in Florida during the CrossGen years really set me along the path and I still count myself lucky to get that face to face training ( even if the place was insane). From there it was a wide variety of artists, from  Charest to Hitch, Moebius to Otomo and more and more than I have the time to list. And of course there is an even wider field of art out there, not wrapped up in the commercial needs of comics that is always a huge inspiration. It's always interesting to see art that is divorced from commerce content wise, because it's so full of experiment and accident, and those things are essential to artistic growth.

5. Old Man Logan is wrapping up over the next few months. Can you tell us anything about what you’re doing next, or have you even thought that far ahead yet?

 Mark Millar and I are kicking around a few things, but it's too early to really get into any specifics, sorry. I am looking forward to pushing my art around in different ways and I am starting to make a more conscious effort to play around with different looks lest folks ( and myself!)  start to get bored of the same old thing from me.
 

Rating the Superhunks #22: Wolverine

Am I the only one who sings "Wolverine" to the tune of Chuck Berry's Maybelline every time I read his name? Just me? Ok.

Wolverine is starring in his very own movie that opens this week! It looks a lot like the other three movies he was in! Let's see how the stocky little Canadian X-Man stacks up on the hunkometer as we rate:

James Howlett aka Logan aka Wolverine

Costume/Appearance:

He's the best he is at what he does, but what he wears isn't pretty (see what I did there?).

For me the classic brown suit is the way to go. The yellow and blue with the black claw pattern has surpassed it as the most well-known Wolverine look, but it just isn't as nice.

BEEFY!

I know that the blue and yellow came first, and then was brought back, but come on. That brown suit looks great (or, at least, as great as it can look).

PART-TIME LANDSCAPER.

The basic elements of the costume are pretty much always the same: tight, sleeveless, belt, weird pointy mask, and gloves. The sleeveless aspect is nice because Wolvie has got some beefy arms. The mask is damn ridiculous though. In the 90s it tended to look extra ridiculous and extra pointy. I do like that his shirt comes off pretty much all the time. I would say that Wolverine spends more time being shirtless or naked than most superheroes (except, of course, Namor...Hercules...Silver Surfer...alright, a bunch). But Wolverine is the shortest one!

I HAD A DREAM ABOUT THIS ONCE.

And on that note, his physical appearance can be summed up in one word: stocky. Actually two: stocky and hairy. Dude is a carpet. And the hair on his head is CRAZY. His personal style is casual, manly and consists mainly of leather jackets, tank tops, jeans and cowboy hats. Plus the ever-present cigar or cigarrette.

WOLVERINE'S PUFFS HAVE THREE 'F'S.

So in the end, I say he loses points for the mask, earns some for the sleeveless costume, earns some for the constant shirtlessness, loses some for the crazy hair, and gains a bunch for his macho style.

7/10

TWICE THE MAN YOU'LL EVER BE.

Personality:

I think 'gruff' is a pretty good word to use here. He can also easily be described as "the anti-Cyclops," which is maybe why I don't love Wolverine. I have always been a bit of a fan of Cyclops, wiener that he is. Wolverine joins the X-Men and is all assuming that he can steal Cyclops' girlfriend no problem because he's Wolverine and Cyclops is a little wiener who shoots lasers out of his eyes. In a way, that sort of bold self-confidence is sexy, and yes we would all love to see Jean going to town on Wolverine for a solid issue, but we know she's better off with Scott.

NOT HIS WIFE!

However, as we see with his various love affairs with Japanese women, Wolverine is pretty devoted and emotional when he wants to be. And he's good as a mentor to young X-Men like Kitty Pryde. Also in the "pro" department, he is very smart. And he's straightforward, which I can respect.

I LIKE HIS ATTITUDE!

I also respect that he is a proud Canadian (when not written by Jeph Loeb) and is a hockey fan. But he also strikes me as your typical stereotypical husband type who would sit around watching sports and drinking when he's not at work, and expecting you to bring him food. Frankly, I like to aim higher with my fantasy superhero husbands.

7/10

HULK PROBABLY DOES MIND.

Sexiness of Superpowers:

He can rapidly recover from basically any injury or illness, he has animal-like instincts, and he involuntarily had his skeleton covered in unbreakable adamantium which also gives him unbreakable retractable claws. According to his Wikipedia entry, it is believed that the only way to kill him is to decapitate him and remove his head from the vicinity of the body. Obviously, this is pretty sexy.

THE MAN CAN REALLY FILL OUT A TANKTOP.

Seriously, though, I think a guy who can take a bullet for you and it won't interrupt your date much is appealing. Apparently on said date he could also be decapitated by lazy attackers who leave the head on the ground next to the body, and you will still make it to the theatre having only missed the trailers. Not bad.

I do not, however, like thinking about holding hands with the guy and the claws suddenly pop out unexpectedly. And you would have to shower a lot because that guy can really, really smell you. And yet, he probably smells terrible. He doesn't strike me as a frequent bather.

NOW WITH LESS BODY HAIR!

So what I am saying is, the healing powers are sexy, the claws are scary, and the animal senses are weird.

7/10

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE? NOTHING.

Day Job:

This one is tough because Wolverine has lived for, like, a billion years so he's had a few jobs. Most notably, he was a Canadian soldier, then secret agent, then experiment for the evil Canadian secret military project, Weapon X. I think my favourite thing about Wolverine is Weapon X. For one thing, there is no way Canada could afford to fund a secret military organization, much less an evil one. Maybe Canada could afford to coat a skeleton in nickel. Perhaps gravy. Certainly not something as expensive-sounding as adumantium. That's just silly.

THIS IS HOW I'D LIKE TO GO.

Anyway, what was I talking about? Wolverine! He doesn't really have a day job now. He splits his time between being an X-Man, an Avenger, a helper of Power Pack, and a sullen loner. Also, sometimes he goes undercover by wearing an eyepatch and calling himself "Patch." And the bad guys try not to hurt his feelings by letting him know that this is a terrible disguise.

"OH HEY WOLVERINE. WHAT'S WITH THE EYEPATCH?"

I mean, seriously. Patch?! It's like Clark Kent calling himself Glasses. Or Bruce Wayne calling himself "Without the Batman Costume."

Anyway, Patch, if that is your real name, which it isn't Logan, which isn't your real name either, James...Actually, Wolverine has some real identity crisis issues that might be annoying.

7/10

FROM WOLVERINE'S BRIEF CAREER AS A MODEL.

Cons:

Besides the fact that he's not the easiest guy to talk to, and the decades of pain he carries inside him, it's also wise to remember that Wolverine is basically an alcoholic. Plus, a lot of his girlfriends end up dead.

LOOKIN' GOOD!

 I'ma take off 3 points for that stuff. I think that's fair.

-3

Final Score: 25/40

SCHLIKT?

No, Wolverine, you're done. Consider yourself rated. And consider yourself equal to Cyclops on the hunkometer, you crazy Canuck.

Wolverine Week: Lookin' at Merch!

Wolverine is one of Marvel's most popular characters, and he has appeared in three movies, with a fourth hitting theatres this week. He has also appeared in several animated series. What all this means is that there is a lot of Wolverine merchandise floating around out there, and it's not all awesome. Join me as I wade through it.

This is the official X-Men Origins: Wolverine electronic claw. It seems to be a pretty hot item right now. But it does not look safe. When you flick your wrist the claws come out, which actually is pretty rad. I did some digging and found a number of Wolverine claw products for children, and this one is definitely the best. I mean, check this lame thing out:

Laaaaaaaaame. Those are long lady gloves with plastic claws glued on. I thought that this was the sad welfare version of Wolverine claws, until I saw this:

A rubber band with nails on it?! What the hell is that thing? But it's hard to fault this product because that kid on the package RULES. I encourage you to click on the image to view the larger size.

But it isn't all claws in the world of Wolverine merchandising! Sometimes you need to get sexy.

Y'know, I have never thought "I'll bet Wolverine smells pretty good." Of all the superheroes who SHOULDN'T have their own cologne, I would say that Wolverine is maybe sitting just on top of Solomon Grundy. And that guy's dead.

I thought this Wolverine/Transformer hybrid was pretty much the stupidest thing I've ever seen:

Until I saw this Mega Bloks Wolverine robot:

There is just no reason for these things to exist.

I'll tell you what ARE awesome, though: Wolverine party supplies!

Alright! Awesome!!! And I am charmed by these thank-you cards not only because of the idea of a Wolverine thank-you card, but because it's charming to think of kids sending thank-you cards to their party guests. Good etiquette, kids!

I just want to bring this Weapon X action figure from the new movie to everyone's attention:

What in the crazy fetish toy is this? In-sane.

Oh, dad.

And finally, don't wear this. Not anyone. Not ever:

So, in conclusion, weigh your options carefully when you are making a decision about how best to spend the money you have saved in the Wolverine Merchandise Fund.

The Long Awaited Wolverine/Larry Flynt Crossover!

In honour of Wolverine Week here at Living Between Wednesdays, counting down to the ol’ Canucklehead’s first solo film adventure (if you can call a movie crammed with so many mutants a solo adventure, that is), I’m going to discuss the first Wolverine comic I ever read. Actually, it was also the first X-Men comic I ever read—Uncanny X-Men #129, to be precise. A key component in the now-legendary Dark Phoenix saga, this issue not only introduced yours truly to Wolverine, AKA Logan, AKA The Best There Is At What He Does But What He Does Isn’t Very Nice, it also marked the first appearances (not just to me, but ever) of Emma Frost and Kitty Pryde. Furthermore, it was also my first taste of the unstoppable art team of John Byrne and Terry Austin—because of my multiple re-readings of this issue, Byrne became the first comic artist whose style I could recognize, even if I couldn’t pronounce his damn name properly for several more years.

This issue’s use of Wolverine is also especially significant because it pretty quickly gave me an idea of what the character was all about. Short, nasty, and adamantium-clawed, yes, but a trip to the local Malt Shoppe with Kitty Pryde was particularly insightful—check out what Logan is perusing at the magazine counter. Sports Illustrated? Nope. Mad Magazine? Guess again. Atlantic Monthly? Close, but no cigar.

Hustler? Wow, that guy likes the hard stuff. Have a look at Peter’s shocked expression—“By the White Wolf”, indeed. A few panels later, Logan has moved on to Penthouse, but the elderly shopkeep is losing his patience.

Oh man, Logan is absolutely ready to disembowel a citizen because he’s too cheap to pay for a porno mag! A citizen who says “liberry”, even! Thankfully, the armor-clad Knights of Hellfire crash the party, so we never get to see how this would have played out. One thing is certain, though…don’t ever come between Wolverine and his pornography. ‘Cause he will mess you up. This is a lesson I learned at the tender age of seven thanks to this issue, and it hasn’t steered me wrong yet.

I also learned that when he's off duty, Wolverine likes to dress like a tiny cowboy.