If An Elongated Man Falls in the Forest...

So it's been, what, over six months since our beloved Ralph Dibny died? And has anyone mentioned him anywhere? Even in passing, like "Hey, have you seen Ralph Dibny?" "Nope."

Does anyone know that he is dead besides, like, Faust? If they do know, then where the hell is his funeral? Why is everyone all "Bart Allen...the greatest hero who ever lived. Ever." and not sending Dibny any love? Did he not die heroically? People are still talking about the tragedy that was the rape and eventual murder of Sue Dibny, but why doesn't Ralph's death matter? Elongated Man is a great character with a long proud history of solving mysteries in the grossest way possible. Didn't he have any friends? Didn't any of his fellow heroes, his Justice League teammates, respect him? Don't any of them wonder where he is? Or do they all assume that he killed himself and just don't want to talk about it. Everyone is out searching for Ray Palmer, the murderer-lover, but no one is even Google searching the whereabouts of Ralph.

So are there any plans for Ralph? Will anyone ever try to find out what happened to him? Will we see a series that has Ralph and Sue as ghosts who solve mysteries? Can Ted Kord be their sidekick? Can Ralph Dibny get a case in the Batcave?

I know that for the next long while everyone is going to be freaking out about the death (?) of Green Arrow (I hope Bart enjoyed his 15 minutes of posthumous fame because they are OVER, my friend). So I am guessing that we're not going to hear anything about Ralph for quite some time, if ever. But I have been waiting for over 6 months for word on my favourite stretchy sleuth and all I've gotten is that panel in a recent issue of Countdown that shows us his corpse, rotting where he fell dead. That's just depressing. [EDIT: Actually, it was an issue of Black Adam].

Oh, the fallen sons of DC. Is it possible for me to manipulate an image in Photoshop that is stirring enough to convey the sorrow I feel?

The answer is YES.


Perhaps some sort of rubber bracelet campaign is in order. It would certainly be fitting. Maybe purple ones that say "Whither Dibny?" on them. Or "He Died As He Lived...Stretched To Disgusting Lengths."

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAL!

Today is Strange Adventures owner Calum Johnston's birthday!

Besides opening and operating the greatest comic shops ever, Cal is just generally the greatest guy you'll ever meet. He does more for the comic book community than anyone I've ever heard of, which includes but is not limited to:

- Giving away tens of thousands of comic books on Free Comic Book Day
- Bringing in an impressive array of comic creators to this tiny town
- Keeping a very small store fully stocked with everything you could every want, including a ton of all-ages books
- Throwing kick-ass Halloween parties
- Paying for everything. Seriously, everything. That man will not let you pay for your own meal.
- Giving everybody rides in his big yellow bug.
- Giving me, like, so many comics. And Montreal Canadiens-related gifts.
- Giving lots of stuff to charities.
- Selling all the back issues at the shop today for ten cents each! Seriously. Go there now.
- Buying and giving away 300 copies of Supergirl #20 to support the change in art.
- Just generally being super supportive of everyone in anything that they try to do.

Happy Birthday Cal! You rule!

Review of an Heroic Nadir, By Johnathan

Man, do I love the Atom. All five of them, from little 40s tough-guy All Pratt to current Atom Ryan Choi's friend Panda (Atom V as of last week or so). My absolute fave, however, is Ray "Totally Missing" Palmer, the man who forever quashed all cries of "Shrinking is a crappy superpower!" Seriously, read Showcase Presents: The Atom or any incarnation of the Justice League that has the good sense to have ol' Ray - you will see a tiny man kicking ass. Could Batman disarm someone by jumping onto the end of their gun? Well, probably, but it wouldn't be as cool as when Ray does it.

But that was Ray at the height of his coolness. This review is focussed on another time, a dark time. No, not the 'ex-wife is a murderous, insane super-villain' time, as that is just standard hero stuff. Instead, we're looking at the time that comic book writers thought that Ray had absolutely no life.


The preceding page is perhaps the saddest I've ever read. Not in a 'Death of Superman' kind of way or a 'Black Adam murders an entire damned country and by the way why isn't the whole DC Universe out looking for him, seriously, like Mary Marvel didn't even mention that he killed millions of people when they ran into each other. He'd better not ever get redeemed, I mean really - it'd be like having Hitler on the Justice Society' kind of way, but in a 'the writer went a bit too far in making the hero look like a regular Joe' kind of way. Let's break it down:


Okay: Ray Palmer is devoted to his (awful, murderous) wife. I guess I can respect that. She's out of town and he's lonely.


See, now this is where things start to fall apart. Ray's wife (killed Sue Dibny, killed Robin's dad, killed Captain Boomerang) is out of town and he's so bored. He has nothing to do without his wife (slept with the Spectre, tried to sleep with Mary Marvel) around. He certainly doesn't have any friends, and especially not super friends.


Personally, I think that the artist just wanted to draw this shrinky/growy leapy thing and so they had to think up an excuse. I just wish that it could have been a better one than 'Jean's out of town and Batman didn't feel like going out for nachos.' Doesn't the Atom travel through time on a regular basis? instead of hopping around, he could be stealing George Washington's teeth or something.


... that's the saddest thing that I've ever read in a thought balloon. Seriously. It's like something that an elderly shut-in would think. Ray, dude, I'm certain that Green Arrow or someone would like to hang out with you. Or you could watch TV. Just... just don't make me cry on my Action Comics.

NOT APPROVED

Almost forgot: I'm going to try to post something every night this week. Tune in, kids! Watch me fail!

This Week's Haul: Blargh!

Man, there was so much throwing-up in my comics this week. Like, really. A lot. It was weird.

Also, I read a lot of stuff this week, so I'm going to run through everything pretty quickly. I'll just say that Avengers: The Initiative was really good. Sub-Mariner was good too. And Blue Beetle.

And now, the rest.

52 Aftermath: The Four Horsemen #2

Is it insane that this is kinda my favourite thing that I read this week? I really, really liked it.

As I mentioned with the first issue of this series, there is some really great Superman/Batman banter happening here. I wish the story arcs in Superman/Batman were half this good. It's just really entertaining reading.

Wonder Woman shows up to complete the trinity in this issue. And she totally holds her own in the snappy banter arena:

Speaking of 'snappy,' the guy we all love to hate, Snapper Carr, shows up at the end of this. I have no idea what's going to happen with that.

I totally thought Batman was holding a flask there in that last panel, but it's just his binoculars.

I dunno...good story, good writing, good art. That makes for a pretty solid comic. I mean, there are still four issues left in which the whole thing could go to hell, but I'm impressed so far.

There was no puking in this comic, but it kinda looked like Superman was gonna hurl. Pestilence is a bitch.

Countdown to Adventure #2

If you want to sell a lot of copies of this comic, maybe don't put Forerunner on the cover. Animal Man, Animal Man, Animal Man. Front and centre.

That's pretty much all I have to say about this. Except that the Adam Strange stuff is the best part.

Countdown Week 31

Add points to this week's Countdown because it was a McKeever issue. Subtract points due to lack of Piper and Trickster.

Also, Jason Todd almost gets wasted by Owl Man.

Would anyone have cared? Anyone?

X-Men First Class #4

How much do I love this comic? SO MUCH!

For one thing, it really fills the Spider-Man Loves Mary-Jane void. And for another, it is just such a great idea and I am really glad that Marvel has continued it into this second series. It's such a sunny comic in the middle of all the gloom. And I also really like that it's all-ages appropriate, but written for an adult readership. So it's running on the assumption that adult comic books fans want to read something cute and fun from time to time.

So in this issue, Iceman and Beast take a road trip!

And it's a totally awesome road trip. Look at the places they go!:

I love that Miami panel.

Ok, and look at how adorable this page is (the set-up: it's the end of the trip, our heroes just saved a bunch of people during a hurricane in the Florida Keys, and now they are waiting out the storm in the car under a dome of ice that Bobby made):

Awwwwwwww. Seriously! So cute!

Jeff Parker rules, and the art, by Julia Bax, was really, really fantastic. I was in love with every panel. Awesome all around.

Iron Fist #9/Iron Fist Annual #1

Double shot of Iron Fist this week!

If ever a sumo warrior traps you with his magic lightning lasso, this is what you should do:

Owned!

But you can't get cocky, cause otherwise this will happen:

Fortunately for me, I had good money riding on Fat Cobra.

Green Arrow Year One #5

*sigh* What's the point anymore? Now that I know that we all know that he's dead. I think that enough time has gone by that I can drop that week-old spoiler. Dude! Oliver totally got killed on his wedding night by one of his own arrows! Through the neck!

As a Connor Hawke fan, I'm not entirely sad about this development. But I feel bad for Hal and Roy. Those guys are gonna be miserable. And Mia. I love Mia.

But I should really talk about this comic. Because it's really good. And it totally has made me see the sex appeal of Oliver Queen, which was previously a bit of a mystery to me. I know that DC is planning more Year One series (isn't there a Huntress one or something crazy?). I hope they are all as good as this one.

Superman Confidential #6

Hey, remember how the Batman Confidential franchise was totally sucking while Superman Confidential was totally good? Well, DC is putting a fast stop to that! And I guess we have to wait to see how the Darwyn Cooke/Tim Sale storyline ends. In the meantime we get this total garbage.

Oh, please.

Now, first of all, I was excited that Palmiotti and Gray were writing the next Superman Confidential arc. And I was also excited that it would involve Lori Lemaris. But then I saw that Koi Turnbull would be doing the art, and, well...bad art can ruin a comic book.

I tried to ignore the art while reading this and focus on the story, but I just couldn't. It was so distracting.

I think with different art, this would be a completely different comic. The story has a Silver Age imaginary story charm to it. Everyone is a mermaid/man except Superman...Lois, Jimmy, Lex...and Superman is being mind controlled by Lori. Which kinda sucks, because I have a fondness for that mermaid.

Actually, the story is kinda dark and shitty. And it bothers me that Aquaman, a perfectly excellent underwater adventure comic, was just canceled and now this hits the shelves.

Anyway...Yuck:

And yuck:

Yargh. So unnecessary.

Pretty terrible. What do you think, Superman?

My thoughts exactly.

Teen Titans #51

Yep, I think this McKeever-writing-Teen Titans thing is gonna work out just fine.

It's off to a helluva start. The Teen Titans are visited by future versions of themselves, who are now a super hero team called The Titans. Tim Drake is Batman, Cassie is Wonder Woman, etc. Plus, Bart and Conner are back thanks to Tim's cloning efforts. They are all pretty evil, and the teens aren't impressed.

Future versions of super heroes are always fun because they reveal little pieces of what's to come.

Pity for Tim? But Tim is awesome! He's worth, like, ten Conners!

Also, I think this might be a Marvel dig:

I'm going to pretend it is. It's nice that Supergirl and I agree on something.

Yeah, so, excellent comic. I'm adding it to my pull list. Sean McKeever has a real gift for writing teenagers and I don't want to miss any of it. Plus I'm really liking the line-up, and it gives me some bonus Blue Beetle.

Justice League of America #13

I certainly don't need to be convinced that Dwayne McDuffie is the right man for writing JLA. Plus, the Wedding Special was awesome. So I was really excited about this issue.

Shame about the art. Damn shame.

It just looked so incredibly 90s. I dunno. Maybe that's what they're aiming for, but it's not what I'd aim for.

Behold Killer Frost:

And John Stewart:

Pages like this make me want to load Pearl Jam's Ten into my Sony Sports Walkman and set the VCR to tape Lois & Clark. Like, what the hell?

Also...I don't think the writing was that good! Like, it was all messed up and confusing and ignored chunks of continuity and stuff.

I basically liked two pages. This one:

And this one:

The second one I liked because for once it's Superman, and not Batman, who figured something out. Although, I guess it's possible that Batman told him.

Colour me disappointed.

The Spirit #10

Man I love that cover.

Ok, I lied earlier. This was actually my favourite thing that I read this week.

In this issue The Spirit is solving a murder mystery that involves the deaths of many cable TV talking heads. They are all based on actual television personalities, including Rosie O'Donnell, Rush Limbaugh, Bill O'Reilly and Stephen Colbert. It's all very clever and funny. Check out our hero as he's caught in the clutches of "Ann Coulter":

Oh, snap!

I was particularly impressed with the pages parodying the Colbert Report. Satire of a satire is a tricky thing, and it's done really well.

Also, I think it's an interesting coincidence that this issue opens with a gag that commentates on fill-in comics the same week that the final issue of Cooke's Superman Confidential run got bumped. I mean, not bumped like I think it's finished and DC just won't release it, but in the way that at least one of the creators hasn't been able to finish it yet and thus DC has chosen to start the next arc rather than wait for the end of this one. (Tim Sale, j'accuse!).

*sigh* I can't believe this run is almost over.

Batman #669

Yup, this was pretty much perfect.

I loved this page. So much:

This is gonna make an excellent-looking trade.

I don't really have anything else to say. It was awesome.

Wonder Woman Annual #1

Hey, remember this storyline? Barely? It was so long ago that I actually forgot that it never got finished. Well, here's our ending...and it's really good.

I forget most of the details of the original story on the Heinberg/Dodson run, but I do know that I liked it. And this Annual made me remember why. Heinberg just writes a really fantastic Wonder Woman. And it's a shame that this story couldn't have finished on schedule because this issue gives us a really great plot development that probably would have helped with the Picoult storyline a lot.

Basically, it ends with Circe working some magic that makes Diana a human unless she changes into Wonder Woman. So, as Diana Prince, she is vulnerable and without her powers (at least, I assume no powers...certainly she can get hurt). I think that's pretty dope.

So she does have to learn about being human now. Which was kinda what the Picoult storyline was about. Kinda.

Anyway, Gail Simone can take this development and run with it. I'm looking forward to it.

But back to this issue, there was some really fun battle banter:

There were actually pages of Wonder Woman dishing out the good banter. That's nice to see.

Also, look at this cozy Batman/Wonder Woman panel:

Man. I don't usually want those two to kiss, but I kinda wouldn't mind it. Look at how cute!

There was also a nice back-up story, also written by Heinberg, and drawn by Gary Frank. It was also really good:

Those are some really great facial expressions. I'm interested to see him upcoming run on Action Comics.

Holy smokes, am I done?! For real? Awesome, now I'm gonna work on my accounting assignment!

Degrassi Forever

Over at the official Degrassi The Next Generation site they have posted some photos from last weekend's Word on the Street festival in Halifax. Actor Mike Lobel (Jay Hogart), artist Ramon Perez, writer J Torres and Epitome Entertainment guy Chris Jackson represented Degrassi Street and participated in a little panel discussion that I got to moderate.

You can check out the pictures here (including this one of me).

The Habs were playing an exhibition game in Halifax that day, which I went to immediately after. Thus, I was wearing my colours. Normally I would have dressed nicer...like my formal Aquaman t-shirt or something.

I'm going to post this photo too because I like it, even though I look a disappointing amount like Rosie O'Donnell in it. I think I was talking or something and it caught me at the wrong millisecond.

I like that J Torres's rock pose is "call me!"

This one is fun too.

All pictures were taken by my mom, including that one of all of us on the Degrassi site. Thanks, mom!

All-Star Batman and Robin #7: Live Running Commentary...Again!

It's that time again! This thing is coming out more or less on schedule now! It's creeping me out!

Now, once again, I will read this for the first time and post my running commentary. When you hear Batman kick you in the teeth, it's time to turn the page.


CRUNCH!

Before I get started I just want to say that as soon as I picked up this comic I launched into a giant sneezing fit. So maybe I am allergic to All-Star Batman and Robin.

Page 1 - "Striking TERROR. Best part of the job." Isn't striking terror the only part of the job?

CRUNCH!

Page 2 - "You don't know from screwed, you losers!" This gets my vote for worst Batman quote ever.

CRUNCH!

Page 3 - "Let me take you to school, suckers!" Ok, we have a new winner.
Also, Batman really gets off on people shooting each other. I guess.

CRUNCH!

Page 4-5 - "WADS"???!!!! Batman used the word 'wads'!!!!

CRUNCH!

Page 6 - Oh man. I am really glad that I didn't actually buy this. So Batman just called one guy "sweetheart," another guy "boy of mine" and all of this is making "Black Canary" (who is Irish, for whatever reason) very hot.

CRUNCH!

Page 7 - Oh, come on. Selina's not a smoker.
Yes, of all the crap on this page, that's what bothers me.

CRUNCH!

Page 8 - WHA?! NO!! YARG! I...can't believe this. At all.

CRUNCH!

Page 9 - I am so confused about what this is supposed to be. Clearly, it's a joke. I mean, it has to be, right? So my question then is, why is someone with so much obvious contempt for comic books allowed to write this comic? Let me write it! It would be so delightful!

CRUNCH!

Page 10 - So, what is Dick Grayson doing during all this? Starving in the Batcave? Sharpening his axe? Eating rats?

CRUNCH!

Page 11 - ??????!!!!!!

CRUNCH!

Page 12 - Hey, it's Robin! "I have no idea how long I've been here, in the Bat-Cave." Yeah, neither do I. I am pretty lost on the time frame of this comic. How many nights since Dick's parents were killed? Was it this same night? And didn't he leave the cave to play with that axe at one point? Or was that in the cave? Meh. Next Page.

CRUNCH!

Page 13 - 14 - Seriously, if I see one more person throw up in one of my comics this week...

CRUNCH!

Page 15-16 - Well, this is messed up.

CRUNCH!

Page 17-18 - At this point I would believe anything. It would not surprise me if I turn the page to find that Robin has chopped that guy's head off. And then the next page is a giant orgy.

CRUNCH!

Page 19 - 20 - Normally I would kind of love Batman leaning on his car like that. But this isn't any kind of Batman I want to know.

CRUNCH!

Page 21 - Oh, well, terrific. (The Joker has pierced ears?!)

Aaaand we're done. Ouch. This exceeded my expectations of shittiness. Way to go, DC.