This Week's Haul: In Fabulous 3D!

This is late again, mostly because of the Independence Day delay, but also because I am depressed from going to the dentist yesterday and learning that I have FOUR FRIGGING CAVITIES! Like a PIRATE. I am grossed out by my own mouth. I haven't had a cavity since I was ten. I blame coffee.

On to the comics!

All-Star Superman #8

It's a great week for Superman fans. Not only did another fabulous issue of this come out, but Action Comics totally rocked the house (more on that in a minute).

Grant Morrison and Frank Quitely continued their awesome take on Bizarro Earth this week. This included some of the best Bizarro talking I'd ever read:

It probably is the best Bizarro talk I've ever read, actually. I love Superman saying "Look over there!"

Bizarro Justice League!:

Aaahhh!! Bizarro Batman was shot dead by his parents! I love it!

Another fantastic issue. I loved Zibarro, I loved all of it. I can't wait to see what's next, especially since there is no hint of what it will be on the preview page at the end.

Action Comics #851

I hope everyone got the 3D version of this, because it was definitely worth the extra dollar. Not only was it some really impressive 3D artwork, the 3D glasses are super cool-looking. And you get to assemble them yourself. I enjoy getting out my craft scissors from time to time.

It's really too bad that this story can't come out on any kind of schedule, because I really think it is one of the best ongoing Superman stories ever written. I look forward to when it is finally collected. I felt that this issue rivaled All-Star Superman this week. I enjoyed it at least as much. Everything in the Phantom Zone, with Mon-El, was really fun and great-looking. Plus, Mon-El was totally breaking my heart:

And the ending, with Lex Luthor, was awesome. This is the Lex Luthor that I want to see more of:
This story is going to be concluded in an annual that will come out...someday. Man, if this thing had come out on schedule...it would have been one of the most talked-about series of the year. Instead it's more of a "Oh yeah, that thing" kind of series. I don't want to get into it right now, but it's just one example of a really big problem with the comic book industry right now. I don't even know if the publishers understand how bad it is having comics come out on wonky schedules like this. I understand that writers and artists can't always get a book out every month, especially since a lot of them are working on many, many books, but the industry needs to figure something out. It's insane how many customers ask "When does the next issue of [title] come out?" and we have to say "I have no idea. This year, maybe? It was supposed to come out three months ago, but then it got bumped to next month, and now it's been re-solicited for
the fall, but that might change again."

Anyway, I hate going off on that now because I really just want to stress how awesome this comic is.

The All-New Atom #13

I frigging love this comic soooo much.

I really hope everyone is reading this thing by now. Not only is it hilarious, it's one of those books that teaches you about the larger DCU as you read it. Ryan Choi is new to the superhero game, so he's meeting lots of characters, and visiting lots of places, for the first time. This one opens with him riding with Chronos (awesome) and ending up in Sword of the Atom land. This is all part of his journey to find Ray Palmer, who he's never actually met.

I absolutely loved the two warring religious groups: those who believed Ray Palmer to be a God, and those who believed him to be the Devil:

That illustration is amazing.

It ends with Ryan running into Donna, Jason and the Monitor, so it's moving along nicely. If the search for Ray Palmer is going to be one of the most important DCU events of the next year, then I am glad we have such an entertaining guide book.

Countdown Week 43

Guess what I stopped doing this week: buying this comic. I decided that, truly, I will never want to read these issues again, so there is no reason to own them. It's just a real mess and no amount of talented writing is going to fix it. I will continue to read and review it, but I have to say, I am getting really bored of reviewing it week after week because I don't know what's going on in it.

There was a funeral for Bart Allan. It was fine. Typical super hero funeral, of which there were two this week that I had to read. Piper and Trickster showed up, incognito, out of guilt. Then they got scared for their safety and fled, only to get taken out in the parking lot by some other villains:

Ok, please tell me that Piper and Trickster aren't dead. They were the only reason I cared about this thing at all.

Holly is chilling at the Amazon shelter/cult and runs into a popular DC lady:

I guess that's interesting. I dunno.

And some stuff with Forerunner happened.

DROPPED!

Fallen Son: The Death of Captain America - Iron Man

Hot damn this was a beautiful-looking comic. I mean, just look at this:

So pretty.

So, Captain America's funeral. Iron Man attempts a few words, prompting a great reaction from The Thing:

Then Falcon gets up to talk, and shows off his Captain America trivia knowledge:

And a bunch of really well-drawn stuff happens, and Captain America's coffin eventually gets dumped into the Arctic Ocean. Frozen = coming back to life. Just sayin'.

Black Canary #1

Well, this was fun!

It starts off with a very cute flashback to the first time Canary and Green Arrow met (as told to Sin by Dinah):

Hee!

I have a big crush on that version of Green Arrow. I love that costume/look. I made Matt dress like that for Halloween last year. Sort of:

Awwwww. (I was Black Canary).

So yeah, anyway, this was a really fun comic. I really loved Merlyn's crazy Green Arrow obsession room:

Especially the action figure (still in the package!).

I have a question about Black Canary. I think I missed something somewhere: is she blonde...all the time now? I can't remember the last time I saw her with her natural brown hair. Maybe I just missed an important part of her timeline.

Runaways #27

Another perfectly good issue of Runaways. Joss Whedon continues to not disappoint. I want to say something more profound, but, unlike the last issue, nothing super exciting happened in this issue. The gang is trapped in 1907, which is fun, but not punching-the-Punisher-in-the-stomach fun.

This was funny:

Aw, Chase. I love you.

Midnighter #9

One of three comics I read this week by Palmiotti and Gray. It's a one-shot issue of one of my favourite comics by one of my favourite writing teams, and they do a great job. The art, by Brian Stelfreeze, was really awesome too.

Once again, Midnighter finds himself in a really terrible place and has to brutally kill a bunch of people. This time it's an orbiting lab that develops viruses for the military. It's a really gross issue.

I laughed out loud at this, because it's after several panels of Midnighter making disgusted, and accurate, observations about the place:

That's it for one-shots for awhile. Keith Giffen takes over next issue and is planning on having Midnighter learn about his past, Wolverine-style. This could be good or bad...

Jonah Hex #21

Jonah Hex, how much do I love you? In this issue he scalps a guy (oddly, not the only scalping I saw in my comics this week). Then he rides into town, sees the saloon full of dead prostitutes and the sleeping guys that killed them. He wakes one of them up just to kick them in the face and knock them out, then burns the saloon to the ground. Any of the guys who run out get shot as soon as they exit. Fantastic.

Oh, and it's all drawn by Jordi Bernet, so it looks BEAUTIFUL:

Detective Comics #834

The second part of a pretty decent two-parter. One of the reasons why I enjoyed it was because it was a fun, crazy Joker story. The Joker doesn't get a lot of action these days, so it was cool. Plus, the detective work was insane. I loved it. Look at what Batman thinks of:

Ridiculous. I love it.

I mean, what else do you want? You have the Joker in disguise, being the showman that he loves to be, murdering his audience. You have Batman escaping from the Joker's trap while the Joker explains his whole diabolical scheme to him. You have Zatanna writing healing spells with blood. You have her turning the Joker's audience into vampire bats, which then attack the Joker. You have Bruce staying up all night at the bedside of his ailing friend. You have the Joker threatening to rip out Zatanna's tongue. You have Batman punching the Joker in the face. If you don't like this stuff, then you don't like comic books.

Plus you have a nice ending where all is forgiven between them. I'm very happy about this.

Alright, that's all I got to say about this week's comics. Oh, except you should buy Batman: Ego and Other Tails, the beautiful hardcover that collects Darwyn Cooke's Gotham stories. At the very least you should go to dccomics.com and download the beautiful promotional wallpaper:

And also Captain America: War & Remembrance was re-released as a trade, and that is definitely worth picking up.

This Week's Haul: Batman's Magical Mystery

Sorry this week's is a little late. I had a lot of stuff to read. I don't have time to review everything, so I'll just say that Jonah Hex, Scalped, and The Initiative were all really good. I haven't gotten to the Simpsons Summer Shindig yet.

Spider-Man Loves Mary-Jane #19

Everything is always a little bit better whenever a new issue of Spider-Man Loves Mary-Jane comes out.

Look at how cute!!!:

Ok, so in this issue it becomes clear that Flash has some personal problems because he's tired all the time. Harry continues to be a pretty big jerk. And MJ helps both Flash and Spider-Man, because she is awesome.

But what I love is that she does it on her own time. This scene, where she politely declines Spider-Man's request for her to listen to his problems, is fantastic:

Yeah! When Spider-Man says 'jump,' MJ says 'maybe later.' I love it!

Eventually they do meet to talk about Spidey's girl troubles. He's conflicted because Firestar wants them to reveal their identities to each other. It's a thinly-veiled euphemism for 'going all the way.'

The tension is killing me!!!

Detective Comics #833

Well this was exciting! Lots of fun with a twist ending that I won't give away. I really haven't liked Kramer's art on this entire run, but I thought this issue looked really good.

I like stories that pair up Batman and Zatanna because magic makes him so uncomfortable. I thought the back story about them as kids was cute.

Lately their relationship has been made more interesting after the whole mind-wiping incident in Identity Crisis. I am hoping that after this two-part story the bad blood between them will be resolved.
The All-New Atom #12

I laughed out loud so many times while reading this. Starting with the first page:

Gail Simone rules. I love Ryan Choi so much. I love the quotes that pop up throughout every issue (including one by Brian Posehn in this one!). I love everything that Ryan says and everything he thinks.

I love the supporting characters, especially the floating head that is now his roommate.

People that aren't reading this are missing out. It is hilarious.

Nightwing #133

Beautiful cover by Ryan Sook.

Inside we had a whole lot of Dick being dumb. Y'know, everyone gives Hal a hard time for being kinda stupid and always thinking with his crotch, but I would argue that Nightwing is worse.

In this issue he meets up with an old flame, and pretty much loses his mind. I mean, seriously. We get pages and pages of this thought process:

I want to remind you that this is abridged. There were seriously pages of this, ending with this one:
"I like pie."

Dick, you're an idiot. This weakness for females is a serious handicap. I can't even imagine. Like, I like cheeseburgers, but I'm not all Don't eat it. It will crush you, just like before. Smells so good. Meat. Meat and cheese. It smells like meat and cheese. Don't eat it.

Pull yourself together, Dick.

Midnighter #8

Awwwwwwwwwwww!!!

This issue starts with Midnighter being his usual badass self, killing a dude in a horrible, horrible way. Which leads to this very funny panel:

Hawksmoor decides that Midnighter needs to work on his human relation skills. He wants Midinghter to try helping an ordinary citizen with an ordinary problem.

Hee!!!

He does find her cat, after what turns out to be a fairly Midnighter-ish adventure involving a mad scientist who is turning housepets into bionic super-pets. We get this adorable scene at the end:
This very fun issue was written by Christos Gage, and the artwork, by John Paul Leon, was really nice. I like the Midnighter comics because the character is almost a blank slate. Creators can kind of go crazy coming up with things for him to do.

Justice League Unlimited #34

Do you know what I like about the JLU comics? This:

Blue Beetle! Hanging with Booster! All the characters are here in soothing, uncomplicated forms.
I always check out the JLU comic every month, and some are more interesting than others. This was a good one. It involved Superman confronting Zod in the Phantom Zone. And it ended with this, which you won't find at the end of any other comic:

They made a banner!!!

Man, that gang is so cute.

Countdown Week 47

Sean McKeever steps up to the plate this time, and I thought the results were far better than any previous issue of Countdown. I haven't been hating the series as much as a lot of people, but I am aware that it's a bit of a letdown after 52.

There were some really interesting and fun moments in this issue, like the business with Black Adam giving Mary his powers:

Huh.

And I LOVED the conversation between Pied Piper and The Trickster.

I find these two so charming. That's just some well-written dialogue. I'm excited that McKeever has joined team DC.

Supergirl #18

??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have no idea what's going on here, but I know I don't like it.

Gross!

Well, at least I agreed with one thing:

Birds of Prey #107

Alright. Let's see what it's like when women fight each other and it doesn't suck.

Awesome!

Things actually ended pretty nicely for most of the Birds of Prey/Secret Six battles. Huntress and Catman went back to flirting:

Barda and Knockout called a truce and shook hands as a display of mutual respect:

Ice was back to normal, all sweet and nice and alive:

And Deadshot is still awesome:

Superman #663

This issue was clearly supposed to have come out before last week's Countdown, and before Lightray's death. They cover it up with one of those little "This story occurs prior to Countdown #48" boxes. But let's not quibble over scheduling problems. Let's instead focus on how awesome it is watching Superman use his teeth to rope up a bunch of meddling kids with heavy cable:

I don't know if I've ever seen Superman carry anything in his mouth before. Huh. Neat.

In this issue Superman is still troubled by the prophecy handed to him by Arion: that the presence of himself and other aliens was going to lead to the ultimate destruction of the human race. While he broods over this, a bunch of pesky kids from New Genesis are creating chaos all over Metropolis. It's kinda funny.

Lightray tells Superman to take the night off, promising that he'll make sure the kids clean up their mess. Supes reluctantly agrees and takes Lois to Maine, which is pretty awesome. Unfortunately, he can't stop thinking about that damn prophecy, and about how Arion has told him that he has to stop being Superman.

Man, how late do the antique shops stay open in Maine?

So that was Lois' opinion. Supes also gets one from an oddly-dressed Lana:

I was into that. The other options for a man with Superman's powers, if he has to quit the hero game.

I was also into how beautiful Pacheco's art is:

Pretty...

Pretty...

Rating the Super Hunks #7: Midnighter

I'm back and ready to rate another super hunk. I'm a little sleepy today, but nothing wakes me up like examining the finer points of attractive super heroes. This week we turn the spotlight on...

Midnighter

That tank bullet deserved it.

Costume/Appearance:

Midnighter's costume is dope. It's one of my very favourites. All black with a stylish trench coat, awesome boots, and a badass mask. Plus, the minimalist logo is very cool. The costume is full of attractive and cool details, too, like spiked knuckles on the gloves, buckled-on gauntlets on his sleeves, and a big ol' belt buckle.

He makes the trenchcoat work

You don't get to see Midnighter with the mask off very often. I thought that when they finally revealed his face for the first time, he'd be all scarred and stuff, because that's usually the way with characters that never take their masks off. Imagine how pleased I was to learn that he's quite the hottie under the mask, with rugged features and sandy hair.

Dude is ripped.

Hot costume. Hot guy.

10/10

He misses his mask.

Alter-Ego:

Who knows? He doesn't use one, and even he doesn't know much about his past. Midnighter is the only name he goes by, and, really, can you blame him? I would also insist that people call me that all the time.

Midnighter can talk with a bottle in his mouth.

Personality-wise, Midnighter is an intense guy. He's grouchy, but he's not usually brooding like, say, Batman. He has a quick, sardonic wit that always cracks me up.

Ha! I get it!

Basically Midnighter is scary as hell, but he's still a loving and devoted husband and father.

Awwwwwww.

He's very macho and very badass, but sometimes he just needs a little loving. On that note, he's not only one of the few openly homosexual super heroes, he is also generally one of the most openly sexual heroes. He has a sex life, and we know it. The fact that his relationship is with one of his teammates makes it all the hotter. In battle he's always looking at Apollo like he can't wait to get him home.

NOW we're talking!

9/10

Day Job:

Ass-kicking member of The Authority, devoting himself to the creation of a better world. By killing lots and lots of assholes.

It's true.

10/10

Sexiness of Powers:

Midnighter is the ultimate killing machine. Not only does he have super-strength, durability, and the ability to heal himself, but he also can calculate over a million possible outcomes for every situation in seconds. Plus, he loves using his powers, which is fun.

A million is a lot.

His powers are definitely sexy. Just look at how Apollo looks at him after a battle.

The man loves his work.

9/10

Cons:

Well, he's not interested in chicks, which ruins my chances, but he and Apollo are so hot together that I certainly can't complain. Midnighter's flaws lie in the fact that he's stubborn, and probably more than a little psychotic. He's very detached, and tends to keep his troubles to himself, which never leads to anything good. He also has a giant chip on his shoulder, and tends to mouth off when it isn't necessary. Apollo puts up with a lot of crap. Plus, Midnighter's a stone-cold killer, which may bother some people. I guess I'll take off a couple points for that.

- 2

SICK BURN!

Really?

Final Score: 36/40

I knew this guy would score high, because I am totally in love with him. Especially since his solo series rocks the house. Apollo is pretty sexy too. We'll have to see how he ranks, someday.

Lumpy!

This Week's Haul: I'm Already Confused.

It was a very light week for me, which is good after the mountain of comics I had to get through last week. Plus it gave me time and money to pick up the new Y: The Last Man trade. Next week looks like it's going to be another big week.

I tried to get caught up with Green Lantern Corps and Iron Fist before this week, but I wasn't able to. Next time.

Countdown #51

Flip cover! Whee! Look at all those characters!

So, this is confusing. I am glad this is weekly because I need this thing to unravel very slowly so I can follow it. Basically, and correct me if I'm wrong, I think all we are supposed to know so far is that there is a megaverse with 52 parallel universes. There are some characters that are anomalies and are jumping from one Earth to the next, and the Monitor bros. want to kill those characters. Or, at least, one Monitor brother does.

Anyway, the Joker's Daughter is one of those anomalies, so she is killed.

And that's the death that kicks off the Countdown, I guess. Not very significant, but I think that's the point. Now we're going to see how the death of one seemingly insignificant character ripples across the megaverse and affects every character in it. Am I right so far?

Also, Jason Todd is a decent guy now. But...is this all on our Earth? This is where the Multiverse stuff starts to lose me. I guess that she is from another Earth, and is on Earth One illegally. Or whatever. I was five when Crisis on Infinite Earths came out so forgive me for being unfamiliar with this whole multiple Earths thing. I would recommend Andrew Hickey's Countdown Blog.

One non-confusing scene that I enjoyed was this one, where the Flash rogues gallery was getting together for a little party:

And the ending of this issue was pretty awesome:

It's going to be interesting...

Green Arrow #74

Only one more issue of this to go! Awww.

I hope you guys like Green Arrow and Black Canary doing it, because that's all this issue was.

It was weird.

Also, they apparently stayed in GA's bedroom for over 40 hours. Only breaking so that Oliver could ask his adopted daughter to bring him some chili.

Ok, eating chili while having sex? That's gross. I will remember this when I rate you as a super-hunk, Oliver.

Dinah finds out more about Oliver's supposed year of celibacy:

Y'know, I really wanted these two to get back together, but now that they are...I'm kinda grossed out.

There are some fun fight scenes in this issue, too:

Boxing glove arrow!

Plus, it was nice to see the gang all together.

Aw, they're like the Ninja Turtles.

The Amazing Spider-Man #540

Well, the cover is nice.

I wanted to give Spidey another shot, because it is pretty much the most popular series going, and I get a lot of questions about it in the shop. I feel like I should make an effort to follow it. So I gave this a quick read and, well...wake me when Straczynski is done writing.

Like, I already read Batman. I don't need Spider-Man to be Batman. Even Batman isn't being that Batmanish these days. Plus, who is that guy?! It doesn't look like Peter Parker. At all.

Thank God a fun Spider-Man comic also came out this week.

Spider-Man and The Fantastic Four #2

This book is so funny. I love it. Basically, these alien things are taking over the bodies of various humans on Earth, but seemingly only those who have normal DNA. Thus, Spidey and the FF are spared. A lot of heroes are now hosts to the alien parasites, though, and the leeching is making them sub-par heroes. Check out Doctor Strange:
Yeah. He does card tricks now.

Spidey and Johnny poke around to find out how various Super-Heroes are doing and report back to Reed:

"Daredevil's all bumping into things" is a hilarious line.

Reed's got to take off to fix stuff, so he makes Spider-Man the honorary fourth member of the team in his absence:

Hee! Lockjaw.

Betty & Veronica Double Digest #151

A historic moment, people. The day Archie comics got really creepy-looking.

This is part one of a four-part story that will be continued over the next three digests. It only takes up the first 25 pages or so of the book, and the rest is classic-looking Archie stuff. I hope we'll see more of the gang drawn in this realistic style over the next few issues. I really want to see Jughead.

So, they are trying two new things here: a new art style and a continued story. I say go for it. They aren't doing away with the old style, and I think they could make a spin-off comic using this new design. Although, the art is pretty bad. Not just because it's a creepy new look, but because it's not very good art. The girls do look like teenagers, though. Probably more so than in the old comics. But they are totally anorexic (with giant boobs). You can read the first few pages of the comic here. And while you're there, might I suggest the Jughead's Fashions virtual paper doll? He's surprisingly ripped with no clothes on.

Anyway, if you don't like the fancy new story, you can always skip to the old-style stuff, where you get lots of awesome panels like these:

Hot Mr Lodge Shower scene!

Grifter/Midnighter #3

I know I'm the only person on Earth reading this series, but it really is pretty good. I'm going to keep saying that until it proves me wrong. It looks great, the writing is decent, the story is fun, it comes out on time...no complaints at all. Of course, when you aren't expecting anything out of a series, any amount of quality comes as a pleasant surprise. But, seriously. It's good. Midnighter gets his ass kicked in this issue, and that's not something you see everyday. Grifter has to re-set Midnighter's jaw! And then Midnighter punches him!

Again, I still don't know anything about Grifter, but he's easy on the eyes and shoots people. That's all I need to know, really.