Batman Died for our Sins

So something totally insane and messed up and horrifying happened to Batman this week.

Check it out:

Horrible.

And if that isn't bad enough, the comic is full of shocking scenes of violence, including this brutal death scene:

I am appalled at the levels DC will sink to just to increase their sales numbers. It can only be described as sensationalist and disgusting.*

Bonus panel:

Aquaman doesn't give a fuck.

* I am kidding. All panels are from Superfriends #11. Also, Final Crisis was awesome.

Quick Reviews: Super Friends #3 and Marvel Adventures Avengers #24

As is often the case, this week the best comics were the all-ages ones. There were other good comics for sure; Catwoman and The Spirit were both exceptionally good, but the all-ages titles rocked it.

Super Friends #3

This was really funny. I felt that so far this series was good for really young kids, but very bland. This issue, however, was very cute and entertaining. Mostly because Faust was wearing finger puppets that control the Super Friends. And also because he instructs the kids on how to make their own puppets.

And then when he uses the brainwashed Super Friends to collect the three mystical items (wheel, bell, jar), he can't open the jar...because he has puppets on his fingers!

And if he takes them off, the Super Friends will clobber him! Oh, Faust. You gotta think these things through!

Ok, and also...the Super Friends decide to all switch costumes because that way the finger puppets won't work (?). My first thought was "Who does Wonder Woman switch with? She's the only female!"

Of course. I'll bet this whole plan was Aquaman's idea. It's probably his plan for everything. "Hey guys, let's all switch costumes! I'll be Wonder Woman!"

Bonus panels!

I love this because you know Aquaman has been waiting for a really long time to yell this:

And Superman just cuts him off with a big ol' hand. Poor Aquaman.

Also...Batman visiting Superman in jail!

Adorable!

Marvel Adventures Avengers #24

Jeff Parker is only writing a couple more issues of this, which is too bad. It really is the best Avengers comic on the stands.

In this issue the Avengers all suddenly really hate each other and fight constantly. It's funny. It all starts when Captain America gets zapped with a mysterious ray gun and bowls Ant Man over with a cob of corn during lunch.

And that leads to this hilarious argument:

The team realizes there's a problem, so they call up the guy who knows the most about anger management:

"Yes, it's purple." Ha!

After a therapy session with Doc Samson, the Avengers are told they need to go fight some bad guys to get the rage out of their systems. So they go pick a fight with Hydra. It doesn't work, and more hilarious arguing ensues:

It's a great comic. I highly recommend.

Review of Interlac, By Johnathan

Interlac: it's one of those things that you have to put up with if you're a Legion of Super-Heroes fan, just like how you have to put up with Jason if you're a fan of the Argonauts. Interlac is the language of the future, but also kind of the language of today. That is, it's what everyone on Earth speaks a thousand years from now but also apparently what basically everyone else in the galaxy speaks in the present-day DC Universe, which is how, say, Aquaman can have a meaningful conversation with, say, Kanjar Ro.

Now, I don't exactly know what Interlac sounds like and I don't know the fake history of this fake language (Okay, I just looked it up and there really doesn't seem to be one. Wikipedia claims that it's just a future language, but I don't believe it) so I'm going to be dealing with it on a purely aesthetic/utilitarian level.

First off, here's the Interlac alphabet and number system:

This character map is a bit more comprehensive than the one I used to use, which had only one symbol per letter. Until I saw the vertical-line-as-capitalization innovation I had assumed that the future was a place where everyone wrote all in caps, all the time, i.e., a place where I would be angry all the time. Instead, looking at some nearby Legion comics, it seems that most of humanity never ever capitalizes, which is both more tolerable and more understandable, as that looks like a pain in the ass.

Speaking of ass-pain, take a look at those letters. I figure that there has to be a simplified written version of this alphabet, because otherwise, these already-too-complex characters would take for-freakin'-ever to write, what with all of the little notches and cutouts and so forth. Until I remembered that Interlac wasn't just an Earthian future-language I had figured that it was the result of font-design gone berserk. I mean, look at that 'o' - what's the point of the little notch? I'll tell you the point: to look all futuristic. Can't you just picture some dude in California circa 2345 putting all this together in an attempt to make the place look more like the future? Now I'm forced to believe instead that the race that originally came up with these letters had some sort of collective physical or psychological tic that left them unable to draw a proper circle.

I really can't get over the unnecessary complexity of these letters. Let's try an experiment: I'll write my name in a few different alphabets. ready?

Ignore the slantiness, please. I gotta say: it was a hell of a lot easier to write my name in ancient runes than in Interlac. It doesn't look quite as pretty as usual there, does it? Maybe all the people of the future write with fat markers or giant calligraphy pens or something.

In any case, Interlac is completely

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This Week's Mini-Haul

I'm back from Toronto, aka The Big...City?

Anyway, it was fun and we played and people liked us and we met Wanda Jackson and she was rad and I ate lots of good food and I finally went to The Silver Snail and it was awesome.

And I saw a raccoon walking down the street!

Now I'm back in Hali. Eating Kraft Dinner. Wishing I had cable so I could watch the Red Sox game. GO SOX!!!

Comics were great this week. I didn't get a chance to do proper reviews, but here are some quickies:

Brave and the Bold: Ohmygod. This was so good. This series is, seriously, perfect. Wonder Woman and Power Girl together, and they were so distinct from each other. It was great.

Catwoman: I was really scared for this issue because I kinda knew what was going to happen. I don't like that they are writing off Selina's daughter, but I am REALLY glad that Zatanna didn't mindwipe Selina or anything. That would have suuuuuuuucked. So I hate that the kid is gone, but it was done in the best way possible.

Aquaman: Sniff! Farewell, Aquaman. I loved you so.

Justice League of America: It wasn't bad, but it wasn't good. Actually, it was completely forgettable.

Birds of Prey: This was tons of fun. I am looking forward to McKeever writing this series, but if Bedard was going to stay on as the writer for a while I wouldn't complain.

Captain America: The more Winter Soldier the better, I say! So I loved this issue. But, like I was saying in the shop the other day, it would be pretty surprising if Ed Brubaker ever wrote a bad issue. And if he did, I would assume it was brilliant satire.

Marvel Adventures The Avengers: Ty Templeton! Between this and the Avengers Classic comic this week, I just really love the Avengers. (Note: Avengers Classic would make an excellent golf tournament title).

Metamorpho Year One: Y'all should be checking this out if you're not. It's really good!

And that's all I got to. I still have to read Umbrella Academy, Countdown and Death of the New Gods.

This Week's Haul: The Sexiest Week Ever

So many Batmans this week. Adorable Batman. Horny Batman. Retro Dickweed Batman. Loving Father Figure Batman. Grumpy Wedding Invite Decliner Batman.

There were other characters too. But mostly Batman.

It's a sexy week for comics all around. Let's have a look:

Catwoman #71

Rachelle cannot come to the phone right now because she has MELTED INTO A PUDDLE OF GOO after reading this comic.

Behold Batman holding Helena:

Ok, I try not to be, like, a girl, but I just really lose it over Batman and Catwoman. I want them to be together forever.

And then...Selina asks Bruce to help her "kill" herself and her daughter so bad guys will stop going after her. So they come up with this crazy scenario where Bruce dresses up like a crazed suicide bomber:

He blows the three of them up, or so it seems, and Catwoman is free to start a new life. Which we'll see starting in the next issue, but I assume involves the Outsiders. I hope it involves Bruce Wayne, but that's me being a girl again. She's the only woman I'll accept as Batman's lady...except me.

Superman/Batman #40

Bitch, you best back off.

I do not know much about Bekka, other than:

a) she is Orion's wife and a New God;
b) she is a giant ho.

While I appreciated the amount of naked Batman in this issue, I did not appreciate Little Miss No-Pants pawing him:

Nor did I appreciate how into it Bruce was:

Oh what, Bruce? You've never seen a woman wearing nothing but a dish towel over her ass before?

She's such a skank. Look at how she prays:

Anyway, Miss Thang and Batman have to do something or other together. I was trying to focus on something other than wanting to smack Bekka down, but Batman was not helping:

What sorcery are you using on my poor Batman, witch?!

ARGH! DIE!

Birds of Prey #110

Huntress is awesome. And so is Tony Bedard.

Robin #166

And now a public service announcement from Robin:

The more you know, kids!

This whole page was very cute...Bruce has been all cranky about Tim wanting to join the school tennis team. Which, I gotta say, is pretty obnoxious of Bruce.
Good for you, Tim! Stand up to him!

Captain America #30

My monthly hit of my delicious Winter Soldier.

I love you, baby.

But wait! What's this?

He can be shut down just by saying a single word? Don't we wish all men could have that feature? Am I right, ladies? Holla!

Tony Stark is being all emo:

Tony, you have to do what makes you happy.

Meanwhile, Sharon's complicated life doesn't get any easier:

Cue soap opera music!

Oh, girl. You have to have Captain America's baby. It will be the most awesome baby.

And this complicated my life:

So sexy! And yet...Tony Stark! Argh! I'm so confused!

Big shocker ending on this comic! You should read it!

Countdown Week 32

I just really like that cover. Very cute.

We get to see Black Canary's Bachelorette party for the third time in this comic. But this time Piper and Trickster are there...trying to steal car keys so they can make a break for it. It's pretty fun.

And we get to see more of the party, including Wonder Woman being Captain Bring-Down:

I think it might be too late for those girls being exposed to sexist objectification, Wonder Woman. I mean, they have mirrors, right? (Zing!)

I do appreciate her effort, though.

The Green Arrow/Black Canary Wedding Special

I think that Judd Winick and Amanda Conner are a great match. They both have a goofy playfulness to what they do, so this ended up being pretty fun.

Plus, Judd Winick is a pretty big superhero friendships nerd, so I think he was the right man for the job for this.

I loved this dig at Connor:

Vegan food and slide shows! Oh man, slide shows! It's true. And I love that whole bottom panel of the party-clothes superheroes.

This scene between Wonder Woman and Superman was absolutely adorable:

So cute. Too bad he wasn't right about all that "no evil to be found" stuff. The wedding kinda had some problems.

I enjoyed all the Snapper Carr bashing in this:

I enjoyed this. I laughed out loud quite a few times. Amanda Conner was a great choice for the art because no one does cheesecake better than her. And there was a lotta sexy action in this.

And of course A BIG SHOCKER ENDING!

JLA/Hitman #1

This was fun! I was skeptical because I don't really enjoy Garth Ennis's cynicism toward superheroes, but I liked this. It was a fun 90s throwback, and I liked having a follow-up story to Hitman #34, which had Superman having a heart-to-heart with Tommy on a rooftop.

The highlight for me was definitely Batman chewing Kyle out for once working with Tommy, only to be interrupted by Superman entering the room:

Hilarious.

This was great. Looking forward to the next one.

Aquaman #56

I love this comic. It's fun, intelligent, great-looking, well-written and funny. So of course it's been canceled.

I'm miserable. I'm not kidding when I say that this was one of the comics that I looked most forward to every month.

I mean, just look at how great this page is!:

That's a fun page!

What I really like about Tad Williams' writing is that his characters have a very natural way of speaking. There's a lot of dialogue, and it's quippy, but not in a Bendis way. I have nothing against Bendis, but the dialogue sounds a lot more scripted in his comics. I mean, it's a comic book so you can expect some over-dramatic and clunky dialogue, but I thought the writing really stood out on this series. And the story was really exciting. I'm very sad that there is only one issue left. Boooooooo!

World War Hulk #4

We finally get to see Dr Strange, Iron Man, Mr Fantastic and Black Bolt fight each other in a gladiator arena. But we don't get to see enough of it, in my opinion. I was really looking forward to some crazy gladiator action. I guess I wouldn't have been satisfied with anything short of a major motion picture. (Oh, wouldn't that have been great? If WWHulk had just been leading up to a two hour movie of the four of them wailing on each other?).

It woulda looked a little something like this:

Reed is totally gonna smash Tony with that mace!

Good times.

Marvel Adventures: Avengers #16

Speaking of good times, this was awesome!!

Stark gets some battlesuits stolen from him, and the Avengers have to fight them.

Also, Hawkeye is there!

And Iron Man gets his pants melted off!

Aw, remember when the Avengers were fun?

Tales of the Sinestro Corps: Parallax

It's a good week for Kyle fans because you get a lot of him in this, and in JLA/Hitman.

And in this, he is super dreamy:

Man, it's a good week for hotness in my comics this week. Thanks, comics!

I enjoyed this. It was emotional and exciting and stuff.

And Kyle put his old outfit on!

It's one of those A-Hero-Battles-His-Evil-Self-Inside-His-Own-Mind comics, but that never really gets old, does it?

Superman Doomsday on DVD

Hoo boy.

Ok, this movie was flawed to say the very least. For one thing, it is way too dark and violent for kids (I lost count of the number of necks being snapped) and way too boring and lame for adults. It's just not a good movie. I'm not a fan of this story line in the comics, but this was infinitely worse. And that's too bad.

Also, it was very, very gay. And by 'gay,' I mean 'homoerotic.' And not in a good way. In the way that Lex Luthor makes a Superman clone specifically so he can take his frustrations out on him. He beats him around while wearing Kryptonite gloves and no shirt, yelling things like "Why did you leave me?!" Then he straddles him, leans in so their faces are an inch apart, and says, I swear to God, "Who's your daddy?" And I fell out of my chair. It's messed right up.

Again, not really for kids. Besides the parade of spinal snappings and Lex's sexual dysfunctions, there are scenes like, oh, I don't know, LEX SHOOTING MERCY IN THE FACE, POINT BLANK!

Cartoons are fun!

First Impressions: Review of the Feeble Alias, By Johnathan

Ah, the alias, that good old super-villain standby. What a relief it must be to sign into a motel under an assumed name and sleep soundly, content in the knowledge that Aquaman, for instance, is looking for someone else entirely. It's too bad that so many villains are so terrible at thinking them up. I mean, the names that most of them were born with are often bad enough - E. Nigma, I'm looking at you - but give a super-villain half an hour to think up a fake name and he'll produce something so obvious that I simply despair. I'd honestly be surprised if there wasn't a guest book somewhere with 'I. M. Captainboomerang' written in it. And the worst, the absolute worst of the lot is the Joker, the man responsible for H.A. Laughlin, L. Afterman, Joseph Kerr and so forth. That's right: Joe friggin' Kerr.

But possibly the worst of all showed up in Detective Comics No. 45, as shown in this dramatization of my internal monologue as I read this issue:

The guys in the super-keen car are in the employ of an old fellow named A. Rekoj, who just sent them out to rip off a diamond shipment. Batman showed up and there was a scrap, but the real bummer was when the freakin' Joker stole the loot! I mean, it's crazy! How did he know about the robbery?

Man, Rekoj is steamed about the whole Joker thing. I bet Rekoj and Joker are enemies from now on. Fifty years from now, people will still be talking about the Rekoj/Joker feud.

Wait a second! Hold the phone! Rekoj is the Joker! He's played us all for chumps! And he's executed his plan flawlessly! Batman's never going to figure this one out!

Holy crap! Batman figured it out! He figured out that Rekoj = Joker! How'd he do that! He just straight up earned the 'world's greatest detective' thing! Woo!

And... scene.

The really sad thing is that Batman figured it out by listening in on the Joker as he talked to himself. More like 'world's greatest dorktective', man.

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