This Week's Haul: So Late It's Pretty Much Irrelevant

As I said, the comics were late this week after the long weekend. And I've been really busy. But now, without further ado...This Week's Haul!

Booster Gold #3

Thanksgiving can go to hell if it means I have to wait even one extra day for the new issue of Booster Gold. This comic is my favourite...thing. It's like...what if Quantum Leap was AWESOME?!

And in this issue he runs into Jonah Hex!!! This issue was basically a parade of things I love. It's like this comic reads my mind. Before we even get to the cowboy fun there's a Back to the Future reference (you know that both Booster Gold and Rip Hunter have seen that movie, like, so many times) and this Smallville reference:

If Booster Gold doesn't save the day, the world turns into Smallville! (Only...better Smallville...with Clark and Lex raised together as brothers. That rules). It's so weird and rad to see my boy Lionel in a comic. Nice.

Now let's get to the good stuff. Like Booster dressing like a cowboy:

Oh man, Skeets is totally welcome to follow me around blasting The Ecstasy of Gold if he wants. That would add a touch of majesty to everything I do (like, when I'm frantically running around cemeteries...).

I'm getting off track. What I meant to talk about was Booster stripping down there (yowza!) and also that Rip Hunter keeps a cheap cowboy Halloween costume in the Time Sphere.

So our boy runs into Jonah Hex, as I said, and is challenged to a drinking competition. So Booster gets PLOWED. And it's great.

But not as great as SKEETS RIDING A HORSE!

Let's see another shot of that:

Adorable!

And then there was this:

Booster is gonna drive the Time Sphere...drunk.

This is as good as comics...nay...entertainment...gets.

Black Adam #3

This series is really, really good. I am calling this the surprise of the year. I really wasn't even planning on reading this, but every issue is great.

In this one, Black Adam runs into Hawkman and totally throws down. It's AWESOME.

Also, Doug Mahnke draws a great looking Hawkman. The helmet is perfect.

Adam totally lays waste to him. He crushes his mace with one hand, rips one of his wings off and smashes him mask up.

This next page is great:

Soooo rad.

Captain Carrot and the Final Ark #1

This is pretty much as geeky as something can possibly be. And I love it.

"Justa Lotta Animals"!!! Quail Simone! Giraffe Johns! Panda Dio!

If you're confused about Captain Carrot, don't be. It's just fun. It's an Earth that mirrors our own but its inhabitants are anthropomorphic animals. Funny ones.

I laughed out loud quite a bit. Particularly at these two panels:

And this one, which reveals that the past few pages of monologue-style narration have actually been a very long one-sided conversation Rodney Rabbit is having with the worm in his tequila bottle:

It's extra funny because the worm is wearing an iPod for no apparent reason.

Countdown Week 29

I really only have one comment on this week's issue, and that is this:

I know that they are hand-cuffed together and it would therefore be tricky and everything, but...wouldn't Piper and Trickster maybe want to think about changing their clothes? Since they are on the run and stuff? I mean, I would at least try. If I were them.

Green Arrow/Black Canary #1

I actually did expect to see this team-up...because this cover was revealed months ago. Which is weird because there is a perfectly good variant cover with Canary and Oliver that DC could have released in Previews instead.

Let's talk about Cliff Chiang and how frigging awesome his art is. It's so beautiful. I could not be happier with the choice of artist on this.

And look at classic Oliver, looking all sexy:

I really enjoyed this. I'm a big Connor fan, so it's nice to see him getting some attention. And Black Canary's insistence that the man she killed wasn't really her husband is very touching. And of course the only one who believes her is my boy Batman:

Awwwwww.

When you hug Batman, he gets so freaked out that little red triangles appear above his head.

Yeah, so Batman believes that Oliver isn't really dead. Hal on the other hand is totally keen to bury the body and move on. Because Hal's an idiot. Or Hal wants Oliver's XBox or something.

This autopsy scene was pretty amusing:

It actually isn't almost exactly what they do. What they do is a pretty standard, and tidy, autopsy that leaves the body in tact. So I don't know what Midnight is going on about. I guess he gets his giggles where he can. Or Judd Winick does. Either way, I like Batman in that apron.

Y'know what else I really liked in this comic? Dinah's eye make-up. That mauve shadow really looks pretty!

So of course Ollie isn't dead. But I guess Everyman is.

Green Lantern #24

Super awesome as always.

Particular highlights this time around include the continued use of lethal force by the GL Corps (I could watch those guys waste bad guys all day), and Parallax calling Kyle "the pretty boy."

This page is awesome:

Superboy Prime is kind of awesome. "I'm baaaaack. Jerks."

I really like that aside with Superman and Hank too.

I also really like later in this issue when Kyle emerges from Parallax, all naked, and Guy uses his ring to make clothes for him...but he only makes tight-fitting boxer shorts...

Justice League Unlimited #38

Giganta loves Wally!

Did anyone else find this comic to be kinda hard to read? I hate to say that about a kids comic, because it makes me feel dumb, but the pacing of the story just seemed sorta bizarre. It was like every other page was missing or something.

But I'll tell you what I loved about it: Giganta using a skyscraper as a make-up mirror:

And this:

Another Smallville reference! What a week!

Runaways #28

First of all, I just want to say that the zombie variant cover for this was horrible. All of the zombie covers are horrible, but this one especially. The main cover, on the other hand, was beautiful. As you can see.

This was a good issue. I just don't really have anything to say about it. Except I hope they return to the present soon because I am getting bored of the past.

Superman #668

And we're off on another zany Busiek adventure. This time Superman is searching for the supposed Third Kryptonian on Earth (besides Power Girl, Krypto, and his new son Christopher...who seems to be the most neglected son in the whole world, because he has not really made much of an impact on Superman's life. I keep forgetting about the little tyke).

To find the Kryptonian, Supes gets some help from his old pal Batman. Because that guy loves to find stuff. Superman also brings Christopher to the cave, and it's pretty cute:

It's been awhile since I've read a good Superman/Batman sexual tension comic, so I enjoyed this. Maybe this will be the arc where they finally kiss.

Why?

Awww, Batman can't say 'no' to those eyes.

Also, I don't know who this guy is, but I like his enthusiasm:

Suicide Squad #2

This series is also awesome.

For one thing: Dinosaurs!

Getting shot in the face!!!

I would like to know where I can get one of these fire swords:

Man, that's sweet. I could just slice and BBQ a cow right there on the spot. No more pesky waiting for grilled meat.

Wonder Woman #13

J. Torres does double Wonder Duty this week with Wonder Woman and Wonder Girl. And he does a good job of both.

The art on this kinda jumped around between pretty good and really bad. Like, why did Wonder Girl look like a 40-year-old trophy wife?

And Wonder Woman's shorts were certainly awful in this issue:

And Black Canary's were possibly worse:

Wow.

Wonder Girl #2

Well, this is a much better Wonder Girl than the one we saw above.

Wonder Girl is a very charming mini-series. The fun art really suits Torres' writing, I think.

In this issue Cassie is getting stalked by a very persistent Hercules. He gives her a new outfit, which looks pretty cool:

Man, I am so sleepy. I can't think of anything else to say about anything. Comics were good this week. Yay!

Rating the Super Hunks #14: Jonah Hex

If you haven't figured this out about me yet, I will tell you now: I love cowboys. A western movie does not have to have much of a plot to keep me entertained. I just want cowboys walking around talking and dressing like cowboys and shooting stuff.

I also love western comics, but especially Jonah Hex. I can't even remember when I first discovered the character, but he was an instant favourite.

Now, at first glance, you might say he is in no way sexy and should not even be considered a Super Hunk. You are WRONG and I intend to prove it.

Let's cover up one eye and rate everyone's favourite bounty hunter

JONAH HEX

The light's not hitting your good side, Hex.

Costume/Appearance:

Well...what can we say?

Let's just get costume out of the way first. Jonah wears a Confederate soldier's uniform. While that may be a little gauche, it certainly looks cool.

"Ok, I will!"

No doubt about it.

Now, moving on to appearances...

Let's be clear: one half of Jonah Hex is perfectly attractive. Hot, even. But the other half is pretty much as gross as a face can look. I don't know if he looks worse than Two-Face, but the little bridge of skin over his lip makes me want to say 'yes.'

Hex pays money for this.

Jonah has been drawn with varying levels of grossness. Sometimes he just has a big eye and a messed up mouth. Sometimes he has what looks like raw hamburger for a face. It's definitely an obstacle that anyone who is interested in him would have to get over. Fortunately for Jonah, a surprising number of women have totally been willing to overlook his massive disfiguration.

"I'll always remember you...as that guy with the gross face."

That is damn poetry.

Well, there you go. Jonah Hex gets action. Regular action. Possibly more than Bruce Wayne. I think it speaks volumes about how awesome he is (which we'll get to in the next section).

I mean, the good half of Jonah Hex looks pretty much exactly like young Clint Eastwood. Perfectly attractive. Shame about that other side.

Because he's half hot, I think a fair grade would be

5/10

Personality:

Jonah Hex has that whole emotionless "I'm only here to kill people and get paid" exterior that women love so much. He's gruff to the extreme, lacking charm and simple good manners.

He's honest. That's what I like.

What he lacks in gentle good humour, he makes up for with total and complete badassedness. He kills people. Lots of people. And he takes great pleasure in dishing out pain and ironic punishment to terrible people. If he gets paid.

Stone cold.

Everyone in the Jonah Hex universe is terrified of him. His legend is known throughout the land, and anyone who challenges him is definitely going to die. I like that in a man.

This is a seriously awesome panel.

He's also calm in any situation, whether he's chained to a rock, being strung up, or suddenly transported thousands of years into the future, dude is in control.

I actually have no problem with his personality. He's probably the sanest comic hero out there. I guess I'll knock off a couple points for being a grumpy gus.

8/10

Day Job:

Jonah Hex is a bounty hunter. That's pretty much his whole deal. And he's very good at it.

He lost his wallet.

10/10

Sexiness of Superpowers:

Jonah Hex doesn't need superpowers.

Tuff.

10/10

Cons:

Besides the fact that it's hard to look at him without throwing up, I should mention that Jonah once totally cheated on his pregnant wife:

Not cool, Hex. Not cool.

And while he was doing it she was totally baking him a birthday cake. Not cool, Hex.

He likes ice cream cake best.

Nice one, douche.

I'm taking off five points for that little stunt. And for the lip bridge. Again.

- 5

Final Score: 28/40

See? Basically Jonah Hex is a perfect man with a messed up face. If you're too shallow to look past that then you don't deserve him.

I'm glad you agree.