This Is Completely Off-Topic

I mention on my bio page that I sometimes make video games with my old friend/ former blog- and room-mate Paul, and that we start a lot of projects but never really finish them. We work in fits and starts, thanks to the fact that we both have jobs and girlfriends and other hobbies, and frequently enough time will elapse between brainstorming sessions that we completely lose the thread, or rethink what we want to accomplish or something – it’s very sad, I know.

Anyway, it happened again not too long ago. Boarding Party, the game that we’d been noodling along on for more than a year and a half, died a quiet death. This time, though, I’d created a lot more art and story than usual and though it is comforting to know that I’ll never need to make a message board avatar again if I don't want to, I reckon that I might as well put them up here as store them in a series of hard drives until I accidentally delete them in a fit of misplaced spring cleaning.

Here's the setting, as pitched to the friends that I like to run ideas by to make sure that they're not completely stupid: "It's the far, far future. Like, way far. Humanity has spread across the stars in a mass, unified diaspora, contacting aliens and terraforming and settling and so forth. And then maybe there was a war or a plague or a lapse into decadence, but whatever Empire or Republic or what have you was keeping everything together fell apart and all of the human worlds were mostly on their own. Some reverted to barbarism and some kept on in pretty much the same fashion but most ended up somewhere in between.

The game takes place some time later - solar systems are now akin to island nations trading with each other across the void of space. There are coalitions and warlords and colonies and the beginning of a spaceborne version of the British Empire sending ships back and forth and so of course there are privateers and pirates preying upon them. Technology is drawn from a multitude of worlds and is jury-rigged and kept up with spit and luck and kind of evens out into a high-tech steampunk kind of aesthetic."

The players each would have controlled a pirate captain and their crew in a turn-based battle, drawing units from a wide variety of worlds with an enormous diversity of cultures. And here they are!

I'm going to just put up the images - no sense in making this vanity post too long. Hover your mouse over the little guys if you want to learn more about what I consider to be fascinating backstory.

FLAMBEAUX

 

THE SCOUT

KNIFEMURDERER

FATBOY and BOXHEADS

VACUUMBOY

BEASTMASTER

 

... AND FRIENDS 

BOARDING PARTIER

CAPTAIN FAT

ENGINEER

COMBAT BLOB

CAPTAIN DEVASTATION

AUTOMANTID

MOUSTACHE SOLDIER

And that is that. I guess that I should mention that all of this is (c) Johnathan Munroe, 2010, in the unlikely event that we get around to using it somewhere, someday. Because it is!

Thanks for validating me!

Coming Soon To A Previews Catalogue Near You?

 I try not to get bitter about crazy trends and the publishers who embrace them. I try, but I don't always succeed. Hence this:

Reserve your copy now!

LBW Product Watch, Hallowe'en Edition

Parents, are you concerned for the safety of your children this Hallowe'en? Don't be afraid to admit it, it's only natural. What with all of the pretend monsters, murderers and misanthropes thronging the streets, how could event the most astute of children be expected to pick out and avoid any real ones that might come along? That's why we here at Living Between Wednesdays* are pleased to endorse what we believe to be the perfect way to keep your child safe no matter what supernatural menaces might lurk in the night (or possibly late afternoon if you live in one of those wussy communities).

SOLOMON KANE

That's right, Robert E. Howard's Puritan adventurer himself, with more than six decades of globe-trotting monster massacre under his belt and a no-nonsense commitment to justice and right that will ensure that he will not stop until your offspring are safe, or at the very least avenged.

Why, just look at a few of Kane's areas of expertise:

PIRATES

Yes, with pirate popularity showing no signs of abating completely, one can never be sure if the Johnny Depp-lookalike staggering down the street is a mere reveler or an actual pirate, drunk on the rum. Solomon Kane can tell, and he has twice the bladesmanship of any rickets-plagued buccaneer. Or of Johnny Depp himself, if it should come to that.

WEREWOLVES

 

Unlike many, Solomon Kane will not hesitate to  jump on a werewolf if the need arises. Despite the fact that most werewolves will have buried themselves in river mud to sleep out the winter months by the time November comes, wouldn't you rest easier knowing that a dour Puritan was ready to jump on any that might still be awake, before they could jump on your spawn?

GIANT SNAKES

 It is a little-known fact that giant snakes are the most easily-bored of all the reptiles and constantly crave new dining experiences. Thus, Hallowe'en is a particularly dangerous time of year, as their reptile brains are unable to grasp the concept of trick or treating and see the hordes of costumed youths thronging the streets as brand new taste sensations, rather than the same bland children that they had become so tired of preying upon by March or April of the year. Parents of especially creative children take note: if you cannot arrange Solomon Kane to escort your child then it may be wise to talk them out of that Two Headed Laurel and Hardy costume and into a more generic and safe ghost or sexy nurse outfit.

UNDEAD HORDES

Whether zombies, vampires or cone-headed African zombie/vampire weirdos, Solomon Kane and his cat-headed ju-ju staff will murderize their unholy selves, just as a matter of principle.

But don't think that Solomon Kane is only proficient in battling garden-variety menaces like those above. No, he is available to protect your young from a whole host of less-common menaces, including:

DRACULAS

BAT-MEN

GOAT-FOOTED ELIZABETHAN NAZI BARONS

 LIONS

 

 GARDEN-VARIETY GOONS

And, perhaps most impressively of all:

CONANS

 

Yes, Solomon Kane. He may call your wife a harlot and punch you out for taking the Lord's name in vain, and he definitely won't let your child engage in anything so Paganistic as trick or treating, but when you want a man who will almost certainly bring your youngsters home undevoured and not in thrall to ancient evil, this dour Puritan is the name that parents trust.

Order now! Supplies are limited!

*"We" is a proprietary term here used to refer only to Johnathan Munroe. And even then, only loosely.

Review of Juvenile Humour, By Johnathan

My own juvenile humour, that is. I'm unloading all of the comic book panels that I set aside specifically because they made me snicker like a 13-year-old in Health class. They've always seemed a bit out of place when put in a review with more innocent panels, so I figured that I'd get them all over with at once. So ignore the cultured, mature portions of your brain, settle back and enjoy these bits of puerile wonderment.

Okay, so first up is some bathroom humour:

"Thanks for saving us from being ridiculed because our fire station burned down, Superboy! Now all we have to live down is the fact that you peed all over us!" I know it only works if you don't look at the picture too hard, but I like this one. I am entirely certain that a superpowered teenage boy would take any opportunity to pee out fires. It's just a given.

JOHN APPROVED

Lord knows I love Matter-Eater Lad, but this is an instance of him believing the anti-Bismollian propaganda that his powers aren't good enough to qualify him for Legion membership. Even as he makes a pretty good case for his inclusion in the group he's convinced that the only way he'll be able to keep his membership is to pander to Sun Boy's sick sense of humour. Don't do it, Matter-Eater Lad! With every iron bar you pretend to fellate you'll lose more and more of your self-respect! Take the moral high ground! Take smaller bites!

NOT APPROVED

You're gonna have to click on this one. Go ahead, I'll wait.

You heard the man, he can take it from both sides. In fact, Silver Age Superman was so invulnerable that a threesome involving a helicopter and a gorilla was the minimum that he required to achieve satisfaction - why else do you think that he avoided shacking up with Lois or Lana for so long?

JOHN APPROVED

Booster Gold gets flashed by an android. This was from the start of the 'wacky' Justice League days, so I'm not too sure whether it was intentional or not. Whether it was or it wasn't is immaterial. What matters is that Booster's got a great look on his face. More villains should run around naked, if only for the added element of surprise. Plus, Superman would look super-uncomfortable if he had to fly a naked Lex Luthor to the police station.

JOHN APPROVED

Uh, Supergirl? You should look just a bit less pleased with yourself while you explain that sort of thing.

I've got a theory that Saturn Girl's telepathic powers let her know exactly what Supergirl was about to tell her and that she interrupted so that she wouldn't have to hear it spoken aloud. And then she put Proty II in a safehouse until the Legion could work out some way to get through to Supergirl about the concept of 'dating within your species.'

NOT APPROVED

These guys are from an Atom backup story in Action Comics from the early eighties:

The Atom interferes with Plan A, so the muscle-bound bad guys charge off to the bedroom for Plan B. "Okay," you say, "this is kind of amusing when taken out of context. But why have you included it here, among so many scintillating examples of humour at its highest?" As usual when I put words in your mouth, I'm glad you asked. This panel belongs here because when they come charging back out of the bedroom they're dressed like pirates.

See? Now that's funny.

JOHN APPROVED

Last one, this time from an issue of The Brave and the Bold featuring Karate Kid, who's come back in time to clear up all of the dangling plotlines from his canceled series, and Batman, who's just doing his thing.

I'd just like to draw your attention to the fact that the cover page for this issue, seen here:

could and should be the poster for a softcore porno movie.

Batman! Karate Kid! Their forbidden love threatened to destroy society as we know it! But they refused to be stopped, refused to dampen the white hot passion of their hearts, choosing instead to dampen the white silk sheets of their beds!

Together, they are Terrorists of the Heart!

JOHN APPROVED